Thankful in the Mess

This morning I'm enjoying our sunroom and the stillness before our home awakens and there are three little ones needing fed, changed, and put together for the day.

At least I'm trying to enjoy it for a few minutes and not be distracted by the mess. By all there is that needs to be done.

A pile of princess figurines sits next to me on the couch. Dried pizza crust from last night's dinner lies on the floor, along with several wrappers from packs of gummies. They blend in readily with the toys that I tried to avoid tripping on. The kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes. There are bag of groceries that still need to be put away. Piles of dirty laundry to be washed. The list goes on and on.

But it's not for lack of effort. Especially on the part of my husband who is home during the day trying to balance the needs of a 3 month old baby along with 2 young daughters. In spite of all their demands, he still amazes me with all that he does accomplish inside and outside our home each day.

And if it were only up to me, the mess would be insurmountable. Yes, I'm a bit of a messy. Definitely NOT a neat freak. Adrian has always been the "neater" one in this relationship.

It just feels impossible to keep up with everything. Yesterday, was a crazy busy day for me at work with back to back client appointments all day, during which I barely squeezed in time to pump my milk and scarf down food at 1:45 p.m. We had to run errands when I got home, so by the time the kids were in bed...we had nothing left. Bed called.

Yet when I look at it all with fresh eyes, I see all there is to be thankful for in spite of the mess:

• The toys everywhere mean I'm blessed to be a mother with children who are healthy and active
• The dishes in the sink mean we have plenty of food to eat
• The fact that I'm up early because cries woke me and I couldn't sleep means I have a precious little baby
• The ever present laundry means we have many clothes to wear
• The exhaustion I feel from yesterday's busyness means that work is going well and our family is being provided for
• The bills on our desk mean we have a home to live in and cars to get around
• The markers and paper covering the kitchen table mean my daughters have a creative side that enjoys crafts
• The general mess means that my family is able to be home during the day and not be in child care somewhere else
• All the things, all the stuff, all the mess means we are BLESSED

And for all that, I am so thankful. Especially when I look beyond the mess and see all that has been done. The bathrooms that are clean. The bottles that are put away. The towels that are washed. The clothes I wear to work neatly hung. The trash that's been taken out. The garage that is swept. The lawn that looks fabulous. And most of all, the children who are fed and happy. The list goes on and on.

That means I have a husband who cares and works hard every day at one of the toughest jobs a man can have...Stay at Home Dad.

All the mess means that I have this wonderful family to love.

Today I am thankful. Still, I somehow wish this thankful heart could make the mess go away...haha!! Okay, well I better get moving and try to clean up a little before heading back into the office for a busy Saturday.

Breastfeeding and Work

Twice a day. Every day at my 9-5 job. I retreat into the basement powder room with a large black bag. About 15 minutes later, I emerge with two little bottles holding 8-10 ounces of freshly pumped Mommy's milk.

That's my life right now. And thousands of Working Pumping Moms worldwide have a similar story.

It's not easy. It's annoying. It's inconvenient. It's awkward and can be embarrassing. It's really a pain in the but to try to squeeze into a busy work day. And it makes you feel more like a cow than you ever thought possible.

(Ok I'm back. It's 5:45 a.m. and my baby boy just awoke and wanted some direct-from-the-source milk!)

So why do we go through all this hassle?

It is the best nourishment we can offer our babies. It is healthy for both mom and baby. It has proven long-term benefits for the life of our child. It allows us to keep up that special nursing bond when we are home.

Today marks the last day of World Breastfeeding Week - yeah, I just realized that's a thing. This year's theme is BREASTFEEDING AND WORK: LET'S MAKE IT WORK!

It's literally a global initiative to support women in combining work and breast-feeding. Shoot, I could be the poster child for this campaign!

With each of my three children, I returned to my full-time profession outside the home when they were about 10 weeks old. My 14 week old son has had nothing but Mommy's milk to date. I pumped for and nursed both my 3 and 6 year old daughters most of the first year of their lives.

My handsome little 3 month old.

And I have to admit, I love that my boobies are able to provide my children life-sustaining food. It's one of the amazing miracles of life that I don't fully understand. My baby cries and "Poof!" my chest is suddenly 2 pounds heavier and full of milk. Seriously, how does that happen?

But don't get me wrong, nursing is no walk in the park. No one can prepare you for the pain and rock hard boobs when your milk comes in for the first time a couple days after baby is born. And then there's the latching issue. And the sore nipples. And the leaking milk on your bed sheets at 3 a.m. Am I getting too personal here? Just trying to be real. These are issues that like 99% of nursing moms have endured.

Enduring is what it takes to be a nursing mom, especially a Working Pumping Mom. Three babies later, I continue to believe it's worth it.

When I get home, I give my husband and daughters a kiss then sit down to breastfeed my son. It's a great way to unwind and enjoy quality baby time. And the highlight of my day is quietly rocking him and nursing with bedtime lullabies playing just before I say goodnight.

That said, please don't get too upset if nursing did not work for you or your baby. That's totally fine and I have tons of friends with perfectly healthy formula-fed babies and children. Plus, you should know that I have to start supplementing with formula when baby is 4-5 months old because I can't keep up with the feeding demands.

I just want to encourage mommies who are maybe struggling with nursing, especially early on, to stick with it because it will get easier. And yes, you can work full-time and successfully breastfeed your baby.

If you do return to work and become a pumping mom...just be prepared for lots and lots of bottle cleaning and maybe a few awkward encounters in the office.

Just to dispel the mystery, here's the Black Bag after use.
Lovely, isn't it...

I am too Busy

I think I have a problem. I cannot stay home.

It's been more than two weeks since I last wrote, but it's not for lack of ideas. There have been multiple topics running through my head. I just haven't made time to write them.

Because I can't seem to stop going. It's all in the name of "fun" and family time, but in truth I'm getting worn out. And my family is too.

The girls enjoy our outings and even ask every morning, "What are we doing today, Mom?" Actually, they ask it so much it's kind of annoying. Especially now that most days the answer is, "Staying home because Mommy has to go to work."

They moan about this. Staying home is boring. And I know it's my fault they feel this way. I've trained them to Go. Go. Go! To always seek adventure. And fun. To the point that it's detrimental to all of us.

The truth is, I don't think I've stayed home a single day since I returned to work a month ago. Sure, I'll stay and clean for a few hours some days, but I end up leaving most of it for my husband.

Even when I was on maternity leave, it was a rare day that I stayed home all day. I'd pack up newborn baby Judah and take him all over the place with me. Poor guy ended up nursing in our van more times than I can count.

And now, he's having trouble establishing a good sleep, eat, play schedule because I don't keep him home enough when I'm off work. Generally, our babies get into a good, predictable rhythm of when they eat and sleep, which is critical for them and Daddy's well-being.

This is my confession I share in the early morning hours, before the sun rises above the treeline: I AM TOO BUSY.

I need to spend more time just sitting down and coloring or making puzzles with my girls and listening to their ideas, instead of hauling them off to every event or festival I can find. I need to spend more time staring into my three month old son's eyes and trying to get his adorable baby giggle to escape from his mouth. I need to sit and snuggle with my husband and talk of dreams and days gone by. 

I need to be still and know He is God, the One who is the Author of my days.

Why I am so busy? Why do I have this insatiable need to go?

It does come from my Dad's side of the family. My sister got a good dose of it too. But the truth is, I think I am this way largely because it keeps me from stopping and thinking too much. Maybe, I'm afraid that if I stop and sit still too long I will be overcome by the difficulties. Maybe, it's my way of dealing with the unique challenges my family faces. Maybe, I've been pushing myself and going so hard, so long...that I just don't know how to sit still.

And yet with this conviction weighing on my heart this morning, I find myself looking at the clock and saying...I better wrap this up, I still have time to go for a run this morning!