The Bread Winner

The raised eyebrows of surprise. Yeah, I've seen that look many times before.

It usually follows my answer to the question, "What does your husband do for work?"

"He's a full-time Dad, caring for our three young children," I say with an expression of gratitude.

The eyebrows go up, but the replies vary.

Some say, "Well that's wonderful!" or "You're very lucky he can do that" or "Oh really?"

But on occasion I get this:

"Oh, so you make enough to support your family???"

Mind you, I try to be the type who is not easily offended, but questions like that...ANNOY ME.

I mean for real, is it so hard to believe that a hard-working, college-educated mother can be the sole Bread Winner for her family? It is 2016 after all.

My reply to the silly question is something like, "Yeah, usually." And laugh it off.

But what I really want to say is....

"Absolutely, I do. I've worked hard since I started baby-sitting at 12, then delivering pizza at 16, and waitressing through college. I pulled countless all-nighters to earn 2 bachelors degrees in 4 years of college and graduated with honors. I commuted 88 miles to work for 3 years at my first professional job out of college. And for the past seven years I have worked on commission, given up most of my weekends, delivered 3 babies and been the sole income earner for our family. It's not been easy, but my income has been pretty good. Yes, I can support my family. Oh, and did I mention that we have bought 4 homes and sold 2 of them. Sure, I've got a mortgage and imperfect finances, but our bills are paid and we live well.  P.S. I'm still nursing my 9 month old baby. Any more questions?"

That just quickly flashed through my mind is all. It clearly sounds way to egotistical and rude to really say.

And I know the real truth. I am who I am, and I provide what I do by the grace God alone. He has provided the opportunities and abilities. I have simply worked hard to take advantage of those I can. And when life forced tough decisions on my husband and I, we together decided what was best for our family.

And if someone wants to say to my husband, "Oh you're so lucky, you get to stay home all day."

He might want to come back with something like...

"You really think so? You know I've done a lot of things. Worked many tough jobs. I was a logger, a salesman, a construction manager, a painter, a small business owner, a fireplace installer, a youth leader, and an over-the-road truck driver who's been through all 50 states except Hawaii. I have three of the best kids a father could hope for and love them dearly. But for the past 7 years...did you catch that...SEVEN YEARS...I have been home with our children every day my wife is at work. I tried some at home business ideas but nothing materialized. My job is changing dirty diapers, feeding cranky kids, constantly cleaning something, folding laundry, scrubbing toilets, breaking up girl fights, working around my wife's piles of...who knows what, maintaining the lawn and landscaping, washing dishes, maintenancing vehicles and a myriad of other tasks that endlessly repeat themselves. Day after day. Year after year. It is by far, the toughest job this man has ever had. Do you want to trade?"

Of course, that would just leave them with a blank stare and probably even less understanding of the unique role my husband fulfills.

And we know the real truth. In spite of the challenges, it is an incredible privilege for him to spend so much time with our children - and snuggle often with his baby boy. For him to experience all of their "firsts" and be the one influencing their futures. And by providing all he does, he makes it possible for me to provide how I do. We just wish it FELT this warm and fuzzy more often!

We are a Team. I may be the Bread Winner, but he is every bit as much the one who supports our family.

Questions are good, they show you care. Just try to avoid the silly ones ;) And cheer us on. We really need the extra support some days. We all do.

I hope you don't mind a little sassy post!

A New Friend Like Her

"Mom, that was the BEST day of all the BEST days!" Adria proclaimed at 10 p.m. on Saturday night as we left the home of her new friend.

It was a special evening as Adria, Johanna and I got together with a family we had randomly met months before at a local festival. We had walked past a sweet, young girl with leg braces sitting on the curb next to her wheelchair eating some chicken fingers.

We said "Hello" and Adria was pleased to learn that she and the girl named Mallory had much in common. They were both 7 years old, liked the color pink, and were born with Spina Bifida! Mallory's mom and I were excited to discover we live less than 30 minutes apart, so we made plans to get together. And 3 months later we finally did!

Mallory and Adria meet at the Apple-Scrapple festival in October

Since that day, Adria has talked about Mallory often. It really made an impression on her to meet another girl like her. She doesn't have any local young friends with spina bifida, and she doesn't really remember the SB friends we had met in Indianapolis.

More often lately, Adria sighs and gets sad about the fact that she's the only one at her school that has to where leg braces and can't go to the bathroom like the other kids. Being with Mallory on Saturday night was a special treat for all of us. And we found the girls have other things in common...they LOVE Shopkins and Pizza!!!

Shopkins...they're all the rage with little girls today!

We went out to dinner and while Adria and Mallory enjoyed their slices of pizza, Johanna got along well with her 5 year old younger brother and I enjoyed talking with her mom Nikki.

Mallory, Mitchell, Johanna and Adria have fun at dinner together.

It's kind of great to be able to talk with another mom who completely understands and has experienced the broad spectrum of things associated with a child who has spina bifida - Level 2 ultrasounds, hydrocephalus and shunts, back and head surgeries, AFOs (leg braces), catheterization options, Peristeen bowel program, urinary tract infections, wheelchair fitting, needing diapers at school, urodynamics studies, and so much more! We could totally relate and shared ideas and experiences.

Mallory is several months older than Adria, so she is in second grade. She can get around at home with her walker and primarily uses her wheelchair when in public. In 2014 Mallory was the Eastern Shore Ambassador for the March of Dimes organization that raises funds and awareness for babies born prematurely and/or with birth defects.

After dinner, we watched the musical production of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" at a local high school. Adria and Mallory sat side by side and enjoyed the show.

Two girls enjoying the show...and comparing their AFO styles (leg braces)

The adventurous younger siblings had fun but didn't sit still too well :)

Mallory says hi to "Sally" from the Charlie Brown show 

Johanna poses with PigPen

Just before leaving Mallory's home, I took Adria to the bathroom to catheterize her - we have to about every 4 hours during the day, which is the same for Mallory. When I was taking care of Adria, she looked at me with a smile and said, "I bet Mallory knows what we're doing, since she has to cath too." Simple things like this, knowing that she has a friend who understands what her life is like, really meant a lot to Adria.

And so Adria had her official BEST DAY EVER...for now.

Today, January 20th is the "International Day of Acceptance" encouraging our society to continue embracing people of all abilities and becoming more educated on how to empower and support them and their families. I'm believing for great opportunities throughout life for these 2 precious girls!

A Look Back at 2015

As we start a new year, I always like to reflect on the highlights of the year past...the new experiences, changes, and lessons learned.

For 2015 there is one moment, one hour really, that stands out above all the rest. 

Meeting our son, Judah. 

Just after I delivered him, they gave him a quick wipe over and handed him to me. He was perfectly adorable and for the next hour he laid on my chest - skin to skin - in that special bonding time I had heard about but never experienced like this with my daughters. I didn't know how much he weighed or how long he was, but it didn't matter yet. He was in my arms.

Yep, that was definitely the highlight of my year! But there were many other moments to remember for each of us.

Our Family of 5 Photo - November 2015

Judah

Our baby boy joined the family in late April, now 8 months old. He has been a happy, healthy boy bringing great joy to everyone in our family. He's totally Daddy's boy...they hang out all day most days. His sisters adore him and are ridiculous with the smothering of kisses. He's mostly tolerant. And Mommy thinks he's the most handsome little guy in the universe!

He's becoming a hefty dude, weighing about 20 pounds now. In just the past two weeks, he's finally mastered sitting without toppling over and has been rolling, but just today he CRAWLED for the first time! And just this week, he pulled himself up to stand in his crib. He sleeps fairly well but still likes to wake me up through the night...Yawn! His two-tooth grin and big brown eyes will melt you.

My Two Handsome Men

Johanna

Ever the spice in our family, Johanna just turned four years old in December. She has as much energy and vitality as ever. Sometimes we love it, sometimes we....well, let's just say she can get into some messes. Judah is her biggest fan; he laughs at her dancing and jumping all the time. It's pretty hilarious!

After attending preschool 2 mornings a week earlier in the year, she started going to the same school as Adria this fall 4 mornings a week. She is just one of 2 girls in a class with 12 boys (yikes), but she holds her own fine and is making friends. Her best buddy is still a girl from church who is just one day younger. Her favorite things are playing "dress-ups", play-do, going to the beach and visiting people. I often hear her saying "You're the best sister ever!" when she and Adria are playing together, then a few minutes later they're arguing...Ha! Jo-Jo is so much fun and oozes personality.

Sweet and Spunky Johanna - 4 years old

Adria

Our oldest turned seven just a week after starting first grade this fall. She struggled the first couple weeks because she missed her Kindergarten friends and routine, and all the math and reading was "so must harder." But she has excelled, made new friends and loves her teachers (we do too!) It's been a joy listening to her improve as she reads.

A couple big events from her year were playing soccer in the spring and participating in the Little Miss Apple Scrapple Pageant in October. Then, she and Johanna both did a Kids Run in Pennsylvania where she met Deena Kastor, a famous marathon Olympian.

Her health has been good overall with the Peristeen bowel program allowing her to be mostly "diaper free" for the past year. She's had some accidents at school, but the nurse takes very good care of her. We are so thankful. And her big progress in her weekly physical therapy has been that she can now hop on one foot! Amazing!!! Her latest interest is in making cooking videos. Though she sometimes laments that she is different because of her need for leg braces and catheters, she does not let spina bifida hold her back. We are so proud of her!

Bubbly and friendly Adria - 7 years old

Daddy

Adrian's year has been an interesting one. He has excelled to a new level in the sport he loves - Disc Golf. He participated in many weekend tournaments, some affiliated with the Professional Disc Golf Association (PDGA), and even WON in his division a couple times last year! 

This sport and the camaraderie with other guys has provided a great outlet from his daily duties of full-time Dad. I am always amazed at what he accomplishes in and around our home, and how he often realizes the needs of our children better than I. Adrian also assisted family members with home improvement projects, including flying down to Texas to visit his sister Angie and install flooring in her newly purchase home last fall.

Unfortunately, in 2015 Daddy's seizures returned with dramatic flare during vacation. It was craziness and upsetting, but it brought us to a new place of trying to be better prepared and more accepting of this bizarre condition we have battled for the last six years. That's right, Dec. 26 was the six year anniversary of his first seizure...it's now been a battle for half of our 12 years of marriage. We have great days and down-right terrible days, but you know, we always get up again.

Mommy

Aside from the amazing gift of carrying and delivering a child, I had some other big events this year. Work has been very busy, and I'm so thankful for that. It was a strong year for new home sales with the local Builder where I've now been for 2.5 years. Our company won a few big local awards, including being voted Best Southern Delaware Home Builder by a regional magazine! I got my 15 seconds of fame with some air time in our TV commercial, and the outlook for 2016 is good. 

From a fitness perspective, I had big ambitions to run a half marathon in October - but my body was not quite ready for that. Instead, I ran a 10K (6.2 miles) race at the Runner's World festival in Bethlehem, PA and had a great time doing it. I really love running events, but man is it hard to make time to run with 3 little ones in the house!

Our Family

We did not take a big week-long vacation in 2015, but we enjoyed several family excursions:

• The Pocono Mountains, PA in February (a trip with my company) - the girls love hotels with indoor pools and Snow
• The Shenandoah Valley, VA in June where we camped in KOA cabin - but this was the trip where Daddy had a seizure
• Dutch Wonderland in Lancaster, PA - it was a hot summer day for our first visit with the kids to this family-fun amusement park, but baby Judah was not too impressed
• Runner's World event in October in Bethlehem, PA - we girls successfully ran races, then I took the children to the Crayola museum while Daddy went disc golfing
• Christmas Lights at Longwood Gardens in December - a day trip with Granny and Grandad for one of the best light displays on the east coast

It was a year filled with great blessings yet sprinkled with challenging moments. We are ever thankful for our family and the opportunity to continue on this journey together!

Hoping you and yours have a blessed 2016.