Dear Winter: A Snowy Spring Day?

Dear Winter,

We have a memo for you: Go away, Spring is here! You have made us a little state full of complainers, as you repeatedly covered Delaware with blankets of snow these last few months, causing even the children to grow weary of snow days. And then you tricked us with a couple days of gorgeous, sunny weather when we all stepped outside like a colony of ants emerging from underground in search of food. But that was just a taste as you have dropped over 6 inches of snow on us TWICE since then. 

Today:

Last Monday:

Maybe if we lived in Minneapolis or Buffalo, we'd be more forgiving. But we do not. We are pansy Delawareans accustomed to just one or two small snowfalls each winter...not 20!

Really though, who am I to complain? I have an easy job working indoors. And by and large, the people I've sold homes too have been patient with any weather delays. It's really the construction workers who are getting the brunt of your fury.

You kindly held off yesterday's onslaught of snow until late afternoon, so I could go to my daughter's pre-school and share about my job in new home sales during Community Helpers Week. Even though I'm not a policeman, dentist or nurse like some other parents, her teachers thought helping people build new homes would fit in too. The children enjoyed picking out colors for siding and carpet, and we even built a make-shift home with large blocks.

Soon after, Winter, you started heavily dropping your snowflakes as we drove an hour north to Dover for a five year old girl's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. Your snow did not keep this group of children from having a wonderful time! But you did not let up, for hours you dumped snow on us (and made the drive home rather treacherous).

Just as we were tempted to again complain, the little birthday girl said to her Mother, "Look, Jesus is giving me a special present for my birthday: SNOW!" Apparently, she loves the snow and this is her first birthday to ever get it. 

Okay Winter, we forgive you of this one spring snowfall. We now understand why you dropped snow on March 25. It was a special gift to a small princess. Very Sweet. But from here on out, how about we let Spring step in with the gift of beautiful daffodils, hyacinths and tulips? Your snowy white covering the earth is lovely, really it is, but let's change it up now with some color!

That is all. Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

Me (and Everyone in the Mid-Atlantic)

BRING ON THE TULIPS!

Photo taken last spring at Maymont Park in Richmond

Selling the Home we built in Delaware

It was four years ago today when we did something no one was prepared for. We listed our Delaware home for sale.

Adria sitting on a tricycle in our driveway on March 19, 2010. She actually just learned to pedal it last summer.

Back of our home in Feb. 2010 during one of the blizzards.
People keep complaining about the winter we've had but I remember that one as much worse!

It wasn’t just any old house. It was a home that we had built on property acquired from Adrian’s family. The home is beautiful and was situated on five acres of land outside of town. In early 2006 Adrian spent countless hours pouring his energy into the construction of that home.

Yet we had decided that we could let it go. Unbelievably, just 2 ½ weeks after listing the home, we did just that and signed a contract to sell it.  The speed and near miraculous way we sold the home confirmed to us we had made the right decision.

Though we had not talked with people about it ahead of time, it was not a sudden decision. There were many motivators, but behind it all we sincerely knew it was the right thing to do. And we still believe that.


Our beautiful home in May 2010 just before closing on the sale...



Our empty bedroom just before moving 



View of the Kitchen and Front door of our Delaware home

Even if we find ourselves back in Delaware and thinking about the wild journey we’ve had over the past four years since we put that home on the market. We relocated over 900 miles away to Indianapolis, built a home there, only to sell it too and move to Virginia, where we bought a home and eight months later found ourselves packing again to return to Delaware. Most people don’t move that much in their entire lives!

As I look back at my journal entry from those days, there is almost a sense of bewilderment as to why all this has happened. Maybe one day life will explain it better. Of course, much of it can be blamed our on crazy, adventurous tendencies.

So why did we sell the home we built in Delaware?

1.       Finances – The dominant reason for the move was finances. I was the sole bread winner selling homes on full commission in a high-end retirement community during a horrid housing market. I had sold nothing all year. Medical bills poured in from Adrian’s seizures, and the future looked bleak for continuing to afford our home.

2.       Limited Opportunity – Adrian had his first 3 seizures just months before. Not only did he lose his license, but he also lost the ability to perform jobs he had done in the past like construction and truck driving. He would struggle to find job opportunities in Del. to help our financial situation. However at that point, his tests all came back good and we didn’t anticipate the seizures would return.

3.       Need for Change – Life had brought us to a place where we felt somewhat desperate for change. We felt we really needed a fresh start in a new place. And we wanted a place that offered a more affordable but fun lifestyle for a young family. It turns out Indianapolis was perfect for that.

In the end, it all happened so fast it was almost a blur. Yes, it was incredibly difficult and humbling to sell a home on family property. That was not at all the plan when we built the home. We thought we would stay there and raise our family right around the corner from Adrian’s parents.

But God had different plans. We still don’t understand what those plans are but who really knows the plans for their lives?

Now, we just rent a cute little home in Delaware and wave to our blue house when we pass it on our way to visit Granny. We remind Adria that’s where we lived when she was born; she doesn’t remember it much as she was only 19 months old when we moved.

There are things I miss about the home, but we are not sad. It was not meant to be our “forever home.” And while we have traveled many miles on our journey, we will continue, never knowing where the road may lead.

 

 

The SAHD Lifestyle

Some think that my husband has got it made being a Stay At Home Dad. Or House Husband. Or Mr. Mom. I prefer the term Full-time Dad. However you choose to define this lifestyle, it is a role that has become more common in recent decades, particularly since the recession forced families like mine to make some tough decisions.

We often see the acronym SAHM for Stay At Home Mom discussions, now there's one that's emerged for the Stay At Home Dad... and it's SAHD. I find that mildly humorous, knowing how tough it can be for these Dads.

Daddy loves his girls deeply and cares for them lovingly, but it is not easy. This has been Adrian's life most of the last 5 1/2 years. It can be a very lonely job. He does not have Daddy play dates to go to. He doesn't meet with moms for coffee or go to library story time. He stays home, basically all day, every day. His health issues have made driving the girls around for outings a near impossibility on his own.

But Daddy has found his own rhythm in this SAHD lifestyle. He takes it one day at a time.  Sometimes it has to be one minute or one breath at a time. I know some Stay at Home Moms who can relate.

He sets small goals for himself each day that can lead to bigger goals. He strives to achieve at least one major task aside from the daily duties of getting Adria ready for pre-school, feeding Johanna, and cleaning up whatever wild mess she made that day.

This week, he really impressed me. One day he cleaned out the interior of our mini-van from top to bottom (a daunting task). Another day he got down on hands and knees to scrub the kitchen floor. I came home to vacuumed floors and sparkling clean bathrooms on other days.

He might be embarrassed that I'm calling this out because he says it's just his job. Well, this working mom is endlessly thankful for all that he does! It makes my life easier and gives me more time at night to play with the girls.

Friday he texted me this picture of Johanna's favorite lunch that he had prepared for her. I just thought it was so adorable :) He says this is her preferred lunch every day, at least it's healthy!

Daddy prepares Johanna's favorite lunch - eggs, string cheese, fruit and tomato.

I know that being a stay at home parent can so often feel like a thankless role, but it is so significant. You are blessing your children and your spouse in the little goals that you achieve every day...even if you have to repeat the same goals week after week. YOU ARE APPRECIATED!!!

One day this week I was touched to see the special bond between Daddy and Johanna. I had the chance to stop by home and send off Adria on her pre-K bus. As we stood there and waved goodbye, Johanna ran to Daddy and snuggled close in his arms while the wind blew. Then she leaned in for some sweet Daddy kisses. It was adorable, even if she didn't feel like sharing any with Mommy.

Johanna Snuggling up close with her Daddy

She loves her Daddy!

Moments like that amidst the duties of every day are what help make the SAHD lifestyle worthwhile.
 

The Tooth Fairy

Before you ask, No, the Tooth Fairy has not come yet. All the girls baby teeth are still neatly in place. However, Adria and I just had a cute conversation regarding the Tooth Fairy that made me laugh and feel compelled to document for future amusement.

She and I were lying on the couch together Sunday night. Her little face was very close to mine, prompting mommy to do a quick examination of her teeth. And this is what followed:

Me - Hmm, your tooth is getting a little crooked. I wonder if it's loose?

Adria - What do you mean?

Me - Right now you still have all your cute baby teeth, but one day your teeth will get loose and fall out and big teeth like Mommy's will grow in.

Adria - Ohh! (she shrieked) I don't want to lose my teeth... But will the Tooth Fairy come?

Me - Yes, I think so.

Adria - Will she replace my old tooth with something new? Like a pony? No, actually a unicorn, I think.

Me - Hahaha! Well she usually leaves money under your pillow.

Adria - What kind? (sounding somewhat disappointed)

Me - Maybe a shiny, big coin like a quarter! (that's right, building excitement for coins vs. bills..hehe)

Adria - Oh, okay. Do we know any Delaware tooth fairies?

Me - Yes, we do. Are you worried there are only Virginia tooth fairies?

Adria - Yeah, or maybe just Indiana tooth fairies!

Just look at those beautiful little teeth!

This girl cracks me up sometimes. At least she knows the states we've lived during her 5 years of life!

Honestly, I don't really know how she's aware of the Tooth Fairy, since this is the first conversation I can ever recall on the topic. It must be from a movie or TV show...our children are brainwashed at such a young age these days.

But then, I got worried. How soon should I expect her to lose her first tooth? We can't really be at that point already! I have always thought that losing baby teeth signified the end of the cuteness stage of childhood. Sweet, innocent little faces take on a bit of an awkward look as oversized, often crooked teeth replace tiny pearly whites.

I know it's all part of the normal progression of childhood and life, but I'm just not ready for her to have big girl teeth yet.

So, I had to Google it just to check how much time I might have left with the baby teeth... Not too much it looks like. According to Parents.com, the first tooth usually falls out around age 5 or 6! That's what I feared. It'll be ok. I can handle this next phase.

Or can I? When it comes to things that involve blood or pain, I have extremely low tolerance. Especially when it involves people I love. Actually, I'm getting a bit queasy right now just thinking about pulling her tooth. Look out folks, I might pass out!

Seriously. These are the kinds of things that make me fall down. I faint very easily. I have no documented illness, just low blood pressure and a weak stomach. For now, I'll spare you the dozen or more stories of my fainting incidents.

In times like these, I'm particularly thankful that Daddy is the stay-at-home parent and will most likely be one to handle loose teeth and helping his little girl through the experience.

Mommy will gladly assume the fun role of Delaware Tooth Fairy giving quarters or maybe even a unicorn :)

Today is the 1 Year Anniversary

There are dates that we remember. Days that stick out in the significance of our lives as a turning point, a pivotal date. For us, March 8 has become one of those days.

It was one year ago today when we awoke on a beautiful, sunny Friday morning in our Virginia home. We certainly did not expect to find ourselves sitting in a hospital Emergency Room again, just a few hours later. And we could never predict the fall of Daddy's mental and emotional well-being over the following weeks. Neither did we anticipate the likelihood that he would go an entire year without another major incident.

March 8 was the day of Adrian's last seizure. One year ago today.

That's right, he has gone a full year without a debilitating seizure! For this, we are so very thankful. If you have been following our story, you know this is a thrilling milestone by many accounts. It gives us hope that maybe, just maybe those seizures that came out of nowhere at the end of 2009 and rocked our world, maybe they were only here for a season of our lives.

When I first started this blog last summer, after this March 8 seizure prompted our return to Delaware, we did not feel this hope. Based on the regularity of his seizures over the previous three years, we often thought it was just a matter of time. Every day we would wonder, will it happen today? But in Delaware, we could be comforted with the knowledge that if it did, we would have family at our doorstep in 10 minutes to offer the support we desperately needed.

In truth, we largely credit their support and assistance for Adrian not having another seizure in the last year. We can take our girls to one of our parents' homes when he's having a stressful day or needs a break while I'm at work. But fortunately, he has been able to provide loving care for them without help most of the time.

Now that a year has passed, Adrian is able to drive again. Though this is a huge blessing, we still approach it with caution and wisdom. It gives him the ability to get out and enjoy time alone when I'm off work without having to rely on others for transportation.

We are thankful to reach this milestone, and we appreciate all of your prayers for his healing! For the first couple years with seizures we tried not to make such a big deal about them publicly, so it often feels strange to now broadcast their existence so blatantly. However, I know that as more of you have been made aware, more have prayed. And I have to believe that has made a difference.

But even one year removed, we still feel the implications and impact of these seizures every day. Though they may be silent, their existence is ever present. They have dictated much of our lives and robbed my husband of opportunities in the prime years of his life.

So when we look for the silver lining in all this, we see that the opportunity they have presented him is to spend countless hours with our beautiful, little princesses during the early years of their lives. Those girls are what give him motivation to keep going and keep trying. He does not look to the future much, as what it may hold is a huge mystery. He simply focuses on today. And whether that means doing another load of laundry, changing a dozen dirty diapers or practicing piano, he simply does what is needed to be the best Daddy he can be.

I love him for that. And am so very thankful.

As any stay-at-home parent can understand, he has a great privilege and sometimes even greater challenge before him every morning. Whether our girls remember or acknowledge how much their Daddy has given to them is yet to be seen, but I believe he is giving them the foundation for an incredible future!

Take a look at this video from last night. While I was cooking dinner, Adrian was practicing the song "Let it Go" from Frozen on his keyboard because he knows how much his little girls love it. Adria wanted to join in for a sing-along.



And just in case you missed seeing the movie or don't know this award-winning song, here's the video. It's kind of a big deal...it has 130 million views on YouTube.

Let it Go! Let it Go! Hopefully that can be our motto with the fear of seizures. A year has passed and now the past is in the past.

If you missed our posts about what happened on March 8, 2013 here are the links:

The Last Seizure...IN HIS WORDS

Part 2 - The Last Seizure...IN HIS WORDS

The Angel in the Storm

Coming Home. What a Miracle Looks Like.

Why am I different?

The girls are finally tucked in bed with a later bedtime than usual, but Mommy didn't get home from work until 8:30 tonight. We needed an hour together...and that's about how long it takes for the night time routine.

Thankfully, Daddy did a great job holding down the fort for a long day and he even helped with taking care of Adria's cath and flush before I got home. But he shared with me a difficult conversation he and Adria had while he was caring for her; one he said would have likely left me in a puddle.

Adria told him that she didn't like the flush and asked if she would have to use it when she grows up. The "flush" is a saline fluid mixed with a small amount of iodine, and every night we use a syringe to insert 10ml into her bladder. As you can imagine, this is not a pleasant experience for her, but it's used to cleanse her bladder and prevent urinary tract infections that are much more likely from regular catheterizing.

She asked Daddy if he and I had to use a flush. When he told her no, it started the conversation that led to questions like:
- Why do I have to wear (leg) braces? Why don't the other kids in my class wear them?
- Will I always have to wear them?
- Why do I have to use catheters? Why can't I go potty?
- Why do I have a big scar (on her back)?
- Why am I different?

Then she sobbed, he said. It was very difficult to talk with her through this. Our little 5 1/2 year old cried for a time as her heart and mind pondered these things. She has asked some questions before, but not so many at one time and never followed by tears. It surprised Adrian and left him hurting for his precious daughter.

She did not bring it up to me when I got home from work, but instead sat on my lap and showered me with kisses. I guess she's worked through it for now.

Adria dressed for pre-school with her braces and Minnie shoes on...and fabulous bow and necklace

At one point, doctors told us that the "age of awareness" for children with 'disabilities' is often around 6 or 7. It's a this point when they are cognitive enough and often in school and more social environments to be made aware of their differences. Yet, this time of inquiry crept up on us. She is quite intelligent and very observant, so we should not be surprised that she is noticing and asking questions. It's difficult to know the best thing to say, but we try to reassure her that she is beautiful, uniquely created, and deeply loved.

We often talk about her spina bifida because I think an awareness of herself is important. She knows that she was born with a "bubble" and that doctors help fix her back, but beyond that there's not too many details we get into. It may be time to tell her more in a way she can try to understand.

It may also be time to watch that PBS show that I was so impressed with several months ago called  "Different and Same" to help her see that we all have differences and they make us all uniquely special.

Improving Housing Market and My New Office

Occasionally I get asked about my job and how new home sales are going these days. Finally, after seven long years, the answer is MUCH BETTER. Right now, there are five homes I've recently sold under construction all across Sussex County - Delmar, Laurel, Seaford, Bridgeville and Greenwood. There are three other homes sold already complete in Millsboro and Georgetown, Del. and Hebron, Md. We're covering the southern Delaware map here!

Photos of my first three home sales back on Delmarva

My first sale with new employer - custom Foursquare style home in Millsboro, DE

Custom designed ranch home that was recently completed in Hebron, MD.
Home pictured below is a cape cod style home I sold in Georgetown, DE.

 

Sure, I'd still like to see more sales but I did have a very busy weekend at the model home with many great prospective buyers walking in the door. It is such a relief to not feel like I have to get down on bended knee and plead for someone, anyone to buy a home. Maybe that's a little dramatic, but my career in new home sales and marketing has been one constant roller coaster ride, many times compounding the craziness that has been our life much of the past six years.

Indeed, if you have any pulse on real estate, you know that the housing market did improve in 2013 for the first time since about 2006 or 2007 in most U.S. areas. Homes are selling faster, supply is down, demand is up. The law of economics is proving itself true once again. You can ask my sister too, she had an amazing 2013 selling general real estate in Vermont & New York and is slammed at the start of 2014. For now, I intend to stick around in the industry and benefit from the improving market...hopefully big time :)

My selling environment is vastly different now than it was a year ago. Last year I was working for a Fortune 500 company who is one of the top five new home builders in the country, and the only public builder who remained profitable during the economic downturn. I had great managers and fabulous co-workers who always challenged me to excel. Each day I drove 45 minutes to a community on the east side of Richmond, Va., where my main focus was helping buyers get qualified to buy a new home. I'd had a tough start in Richmond when we first moved there, but 2013 was off to a good start.

And then March 8 happened, and things had to change.  A series of miraculous events occurred and less than two months later, I had a new job in Delaware and we were moving.

Now, I work for a small custom home builder that builds about 30 homes a year. Most of these homes are not in a community, as I was accustomed to selling, but they are built on the customer's land all over Sussex County and into Kent and the surrounding Maryland counties. It is a vastly different approach to home sales, in some ways better and others not so much. It offers me a better schedule, a 5 minute commute, salary plus commission, and the chance to lead marketing efforts. As one of just eight people in the entire company, not the roughly 3,000 at my previous employer, I do have direct involvement in the growth and many major company decisions.

At present, our biggest project is a new IDEA HOME, which is essentially both a new Model Home on the main level and a state-of-the-art Design Studio on the lower level. In total, it's over 5,000 s.f. and is situated on a major intersection (well it's really THE only big intersection) in my hometown of Greenwood. It's been a very time consuming project for all of us, but we hope the pay off is big as we intend to entice much of the beach traffic passing through from Maryland to Delaware's low tax shores. 

In truth, the whole project is kind of surreal for me. You see this new home, which will be my full-time office, sits exactly one block away from the street I grew up on. Every day when I walk into to work, I'll be just a couple hundred yards from the home where I lived for 15 years of my childhood. The home where my sister and I let our imaginations run wild in the backyard, where we welcomed home both my little brothers, where my mom had a daycare, where my friends came for sleepovers and we laughed until we peed ourselves, and where I first dreamed of life outside of Delaware. It was a simple little home that holds many memories, but never once in my childhood dreams did I think I'd be part of building an impressive new home and business on a nearby corner.

You have to understand, this is both wonderful and horrible for me. I am proud to be part of a growing company with strong moral values that is changing the face of my little hometown, but at the same time, it was never part of my dreams to be living a "simple" life in Greenwood, Delaware. Please no one take offense, this was my father's hometown and his father before him, but I wanted to go out and explore! And you know I did. My little family left Delaware for three long and somehow short years, only to return when life demanded it.

But it is good for us and for our children. And I see the Lord's hand and blessing in the work of my God-honoring employer, and I am thankful to be a part of His blessing.

As I watch this new Idea Home continue to take shape, I am excited for what it may mean for all of us and I trust that He has a perfect master plan in all of this.

And that means I did opt to politely decline when my former employer called last week to see if I was ready to come back and sell for them in Delaware.