May 6, 2008 was a long and emotionally exhausting day. We had just spent the morning at the maternal fetal medicine specialist in Annapolis learning about spina bifida, getting asked that horrible question, and seeing first-hand 3D ultrasound images that showed our baby had an abnormal protrusion from her lower back.
After the ultrasound, the doctor shared the positive news that our baby's heart looked good, her arms and legs were very active, and her hands and feet were open and moving around, which is good because often spina bifida can cause clubfoot. He confirmed the diagnosis, that she has spina bifida (myelomeningocele) with an exposed opening in her back which usually does result in some level of paralysis, loss of bladder control, and excess water on the brain. However, the lesion is low on her back and is not likely to cause extreme paralysis.
With the official diagnosis on my heart and mind, I found myself curled up into an almost fetal position in the backseat of the car as we traveled home. I did not have the strength to talk about it just then, it needed time to sink in that my baby would likely be handicap to some extent.
I was so thankful that Doris, our pastor's wife, had come with us to offer comfort and prayer support as well as a clear head for driving home. My husband and I felt drained.
We stopped at a grocery store along the way to pick up a few things and get some lunch. But I had no appetite, I wandered in a haze and feeling incapable of making even a small decision, like what I wanted to drink.
Then I saw a sweet, young girl standing in a check-out line with her mother. She looked at me, and I could not help but wonder - will my daughter ever be able to stand or walk? I nearly lost it right then.
In just a day's time, our world entered an all new dimension to us and our priorities suddenly shifted. I was employed as a sales representative, and I had skipped our company's annual meeting and awards ceremony that day to meet with the specialist. Later, I learned that they had given me the new home sales Rookie of the Year award for our division that day. A special honor, but it did not carry the significance that it normally would have. I had gotten much bigger news that day.
I would continue to work and sell homes, but I knew that giving our baby the best life would require much of us, and that was okay.
That evening I penned these words in my journal:
"I am not sad or disappointed, I love the little one in me more than ever. I think we both just feel overwhelmed with the unexpectedness of it. But I just hold to the knowledge that God knit her together in my womb and has a purpose and plan for her life. I just pray that she will be able to have a happy and fulfilling life no matter what."
Our prayers are being answered every day. At 4 years old, she now walks around like a champ and has no obvious handicap! This is actually very rare for a child with her diagnosis.
Below are some photos of Adria's baby book pages that talk about that day and show 3D ultrasound images. By the way, I don't scrapbook often, but her precious story gave me motivation to do this while I was on maternity leave with her.
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