Belly Kisses

Every Morning. Every Night. My growing belly gets hugs and kisses from a little girl who is beyond excited about her baby brother coming!

Adria's excitement over this baby has brought added fun to my pregnancy. It's evident that she remembers being three years old and seeing Mommy pregnant with little sister Johanna. She knows exactly what is coming...Mommy's belly keeps getting "huger" and then amazingly one day I come home from the hospital with a baby. (Since giving birth is just that simple...)

Johanna is catching on to the excitement too, but at three years old, she does not have the same awareness or experience as her six year old big sister.

Adria is getting impatient to meet our Baby. I on the other hand, am feeling good and in no rush, as there's still much preparation to do before that day comes and I want baby to stay content to keep on growing. At 26 weeks along, I am just about three months away from baby's May 4 due date.

My recent OB appointment (at a new doctor's office...see THIS POST) showed that my belly is measuring just right and Baby's heartbeat sounds good. Yeah!!! And...I've gained more than 20 pounds so far.

It's not "water" weight. I seriously want to EAT...constantly. Some say that boys make mommy's more hungry. I guess so! Man, I could really go for one of those giant Farmer's breakfasts right now. You know, with the eggs, bacon, toast, home fries, pancakes, fruit cup and a big glass of chocolate milk. Yummmmm.

I digress. Back to Adria and her infatuation with my belly. She seriously must give "baby brother" a hug and kiss every morning before she leaves for school, and then as an added part of our bedtime routine every night. We say prayers with Daddy, Mommy reads the girls a story in bed, we sing a song, then I give them both hugs and kisses. Now, after my kiss I have to stand and lean in so Adria can pat and kiss my belly. This must happen every night!

It's pretty adorable. Until she tries to lift my shirt and do it out in public. She sometimes spazzes with excitement and repeatedly showers kisses all over my belly. Some think it's cute, others give us a strange look. Either way, I'm glad she's so excited and so in love with Baby already!

Just over a week ago, we visited a friend who has a two month old baby boy.
Adria delighted in holding him and playing with other babies who were there for a birthday party.
Someone even said of this photo, "It's so precious how much this girly LOVES babies!"
(FYI - that's not the baby's mother shown in the picture, though she does have a girl and boy) 

Adria tells me that when Baby comes and she hears him crying in the night, she'll get up and change his diaper for me... That's a nice thought. Not really possible, but I appreciate it.

Last night, after reading our story I chatted with her a little longer. I had an extremely busy day at work starting with an early staff meeting followed by good but long sales appointments with three different couples. By the time I got home at 7:30 pm, I was exhausted but wanted at least a few quality minutes with my girl. (Johanna had already fallen asleep after a fun day at Gramma's house.)

While lying there with the girls, I felt the Baby moving around and had Adria put her hand on my belly. She soon exclaimed her delight over feeling him kick. He was quite active and saying hello to his sister. She loved it! Such a precious moment. 

Then she says to me..."Mom, I was your first baby, right? I don't remember being inside your belly. I'm trying to think what it looked like. I think it was Red."

Adria paused, then leaned over and whispered, "You know...like Blood."

Where did that come from? Who knows. But this girls is hilarious in how literal she can be and her view of things.

She really made me laugh about a month ago when she was suggesting names for Baby. We are still undecided on a name but are tossing around ideas. Adria decided she had some good ones to add to the mix...Here are a few of her possible names for Baby Brother:

• Olaf Summer Seely
• Star Pumpkin Seely
• Sweetie Pie Seely
• Jingle Bell Cupcake Seely
• Jacob Rug Seely

Charming ideas...I doubt any will make it on the Birth Certificate but I like her creativity! Daddy and I will need to keep deliberating over this.

But don't expect to hear any news of Baby's name until he arrives. We always like to keep it a surprise until our babies are born!

Well, I hear little groans and stirrings coming from the girl's bedroom. Time to make my belly available for some morning kisses!

I think of You

I think of You.

You women who are childless. You who care for children, yet never carried one of your own. You who are still believing for the day when you can share photos of your baby. And you who are yet hoping to find the "one" to father your children.

I think of each of You.

As we rejoice in the coming of our third child and share photos and stories, I cannot help but sometimes feel guilty. Not for the blessing, but that my joy may be a reminder of your pain or desire.

With every baby bump photo and newborn picture, you see a happiness and a new life that you can only imagine experiencing. That day may yet come, and you keep hope alive. For others that day has passed.

And yet in the midst of your own heartache and the feelings of emptiness that may come, I see you celebrate with us. I see you take on the role of a loving "Auntie", supportive friend or adoptive parent. I thank you for your love and support, even as I realize it's not always easy for you.

I want you to know, it's okay if you must step out when you find yourself surrounded by a group of chatty pregnant women or young mothers. I imagine it can be a lonely place when you'd love to join the conversation but have no experience to share. But you are not alone.

Though motherhood is a great gift of womanhood, not all women are made for this specific journey but have other crucial roles and purposes to fulfill that are no less honorable. Even if the purpose is not always clear to you.

Of course, motherhood is not easy and often brings its own heartaches. Maybe even times we wish for the days we didn't carry the weight and responsibility of this role. Yet, we realize how much we have to be thankful for when look into the eyes of our child.

Over the years, I have met so many women who waited and waited and waited, who hoped and prayed for a child. And one of the greatest joys is to celebrate with them, when the time comes. And one of the deepest cries I have felt is for those who were given a glimmer of that hope, but never had the chance to hold and nourish their child...

I don't write this to make you cry, though I think it's completely fine if you do. I just want you to know that you are not forgotten or ignored.

I truly hope that it's not too painful, as we share our pictures and baby news. And I thank you for allowing us to indulge in this special time in our lives. I pray for opportunities to celebrate life's blessings with you.

You are a beautiful, blessed woman. Maybe your life and blessings look much different than others around you, but I pray that you see and feel the blessings. That you realize your incredible value as a woman and all that you have to contribute, no matter what path your life has taken.

And know that I think of You.

Where should I deliver my Baby?

For the last few months, I have been asking this question...Where should I deliver my Baby?

One might think that by the third time around I would be a pro and have fundamental questions like this answered very early in my pregnancy.

Yet here I am, six months pregnant with the arrival of our little boy just a couple months away and still pondering this question. Alas, I think we have finally decided on a plan...But as any mother knows, one's best laid plans for baby's delivery can (and usually do) turn out drastically different.

Mommy at 23 weeks pregnant and two little princesses at my side.
photo taken about 2 weeks ago

First Pregnancy

I remember asking this question with my first pregnancy. Would it just be best to deliver at our local, southern Delaware hospital? What exactly is a birthing center? Should I consider that? My mom delivered me at home...was that an option I liked? And ultimately, which option was best for my baby and I?

In the end, the decision on WHERE was made for us. Almost without option. After my 20 week ultrasound with Adria and the earth-shaking revelation (at least in our little world!) that she had a serious malformation called spina bifida, we were quickly told where we needed to go. Only one hospital in Delaware had the technology and specialist to give her the unique care she would need - Christiana Care Hospital in Newark, which was 90 minutes away.

Secondly, my choice on HOW to deliver was taken away. Because my baby's spina bifida was severe enough that she had a "sack" in which her spinal cord literally protruded from her lower back, a vaginal birth would likely cause further damage to her spinal cord. It was highly advised that I plan to deliver via Cesarean Section.

And that's what I did. In the afternoon of September 8, 2008 Adria was delivered by C-section at Christiana Hospital...with my husband and a host of a dozen or so doctors, residents, and nurses around us. This was a week later than my original scheduled c-section (read more about that HERE) but all went as well as we could hope. The very next day Adria had surgery to put her spinal cord back in place and close the opening on her back.

Adria enters the world!

Second Pregnancy

Two years later, after a major move to an apartment in Indianapolis, a positive pregnancy test and bloodwork showed our second baby was on the way! Through a friend's recommendation, I found a great OB/GYN in this new state and had great confidence in his ability. I went into my 10 week OB visit expecting to discuss more about my options for where to deliver in the area. Instead, I got the news that my pregnancy did not appear to be progressing as it should...tears. A week later, I found myself in agonizing pain with heavy bleeding and knew what was happening. I lost our baby in January 2011, the same week we moved into our new home in Indiana.

Unfortunately, that was not the end of the miscarriage. Two weeks later a dramatic incident occurred during a follow-up visit to my OB. Suffice it to say, the bleeding would not stop! Next thing I knew, I had fainted and was being carried out to the car by my husband and OB, then taken to the ER at the hospital next door.

On February 7...my 29th birthday...I had an emergency D&C (dilation and curettage) surgery at Community Hospital South to remove all trace of my pregnancy.

Third Pregnancy

Despite all the drama, we still wanted another baby and became pregnant again soon after the miscarriage. My pregnancy history was now more complicated with a c-section, special needs child, and a miscarriage on my record... And the question resurfaced, Where should I deliver my Baby?

My OB was very supportive when I asked him about the option of delivering this baby as a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C-section). Call me crazy, but I really wanted the chance to go into labor and push a baby out like a "normal mom." My c-section had healed well and baby Johanna appeared to be growing perfectly healthy inside of me.

My OB was a sole practice who actually delivered babies at two different hospitals that were both within 15 minutes of our Indiana home. We selected the one we really liked, which was the same hospital where I had surgery earlier that year. That is NOT the hospital where Johanna was born.

Just after noon on December 1, 2011 my water broke while I was walking through Wal-Mart with my Mom and Adria...that was lovely. I went to the hospital and had monitors put on my belly, which is necessary when doing VBAC delivery. However, my OB had asked that I go to my second choice hospital since he already had a mother laboring there and we would likely be delivering around the same time. In other words...if I went to the hospital I really wanted, he might not make it there in time to deliver my baby and another doctor would need to step in.

I followed his advice and many hours of labor plus 45 minutes of pushing later, I successfully delivered Johanna via VBAC around 4 a.m. on December 2 at St. Francis Hospital in Indianapolis.

Johanna enters the world, much to her sister's delight!

Fourth Pregnancy

Now, I find myself back in Delaware another three years later asking the question...Where should I deliver my Baby?

None of the hospitals where I delivered are really options. My birth history is further complicated with this fourth pregnancy having now had a VBAC and wanting to try that again. Some moms think I'm crazy, since a C-section seems "easier"...schedule a date, no painful labor, surgery performed and presto, there's your baby! However, it's not quite that easy and the healing process is rough and can take longer, plus I'd rather not be cut open again if I don't have to. Sorry to be so blunt!

BUT, in "slower, lower" Delaware a VBAC is not an easy option...apparently...even if you've already had one successfully. There are two hospitals in rural Sussex county, but neither offers a 24 hour anesthesiologist and OR staff or a NICU - all preferred when attempting a VBAC delivery.

My local OB was open to allowing me to try a VBAC delivery at Nanticoke Hospital, but he had to advise me that is was not "recommended" at a hospital without those services. It's just 15 minutes from home, my brothers were born there many years ago, and many of my friends have delivered there. However, it seems like it's not going to be the best option for my baby and me.

This week, I finally made the decision to transfer my prenatal care to a new team of doctors in Kent County and make plans to deliver our baby at Bayhealth - Kent General Hospital in Dover, about 45 minutes from home. They offer the full spectrum of services that are advised for Moms with a more "interesting" birth history like mine.

You'll have to stay tuned to see how these plans all pan out a few months from now and what the story around this baby will be! Praying for a smooth and fairly uneventful delivery this time.


P.S. If you're pregnant for the first time, don't let my story worry you too much, all this is not typical. That said, do not be surprised if your "birth plan" goes much different than planned!

P.S.S. If you ever feel like sharing your birth stories, I love to hear them! Maybe it's because we connect as we relive the wild blend of joy and misery than can accompany bringing a new life into the world... 

Panties are Priceless

She opened many great presents for Christmas...two purple race cars, an Elsa Barbie, new uniform clothes for school, craft and paint sets, an American Girl doll, and a three-wheeled scooter. But the gift that received the best reaction out of Adria was the package of Princess Panties!

Our little six year old literally went "nuts" over receiving her first package of underwear. She squealed in delight then hugged and kissed them. I have proof, watch this...



Why was she so excited about this gift? 

Because she wants to wear panties to school!

Princess Panties...one of her favorite Christmas gifts!

Adria has needed to wear diapers or pull-ups her entire life. This has been necessary because, like many with spina bifida or spinal cord injuries, she has what is called a Neurogenic Bladder and Bowel. For our daughter, this is a result of the nerves never fully developing that control her ability to urinate and have a bowel movement.

At two years old, we had to start a catheterization routine with her to empty her bladder and prevent UTIs (urinary tract infections). At four years old, we started a bowel program that involved medicine and mini enema stimulants to empty her bowel. Still, it has never worked perfectly to keep her diapers clean and dry, often causing her to have embarrassing odors from loose stool.

BUT...we are making progress! In early December, we started a new bowel program called Peristeen, which I shared about in this post: An Answer to her Stinky Situation?  

We have used it every night for a month now and are very pleased with the results. Yeah!!! Since starting this, Adria has had very few ACCIDENTS in her diaper!

The Peristeen system is pretty involved, as it is basically an enema with a rectal catheter that inserts warm water into her intestinal tract to clear it out. This is not very pleasant or comfortable for her, and she was afraid at first. But when we told her that doing this might enable her to wear Panties to school...she was willing to try and has been so great with it!

This is the Peristeen enema system that she uses every night to empty her bowel.

And that's why Adria was so excited to get her first package of panties. She has longed to wear them to school, like the other children in her class... It's something she talked about often. At times even saying things like, "I wish I didn't have spina bifida, so I could go to the bathroom and wear panties like everybody else." :(

Her First Day wearing Panties to School

Yesterday was the big day! Adria wore a pair of panties to school for the first time!

She was very excited about this day. She had been counting down since Monday when she returned to school after Christmas break. Mommy told her we would try the panties on Friday, after I had the chance to talk with her school nurse and teachers about the new plan.

I spoke with her school nurse to make sure she was comfortable with the change. The nurse is very supportive and has been a huge blessing, since she must catheterize Adria every day after lunch. I also cautioned Adria's teachers to be on the look-out for any possible accidents or leakage. Her kindergarten teachers are so great, and I completely trust that she's in good hands.

Friday went well with no leakage or accidents! This is a BIG STEP for Adria and for us.

We do still need to put a pad in her underwear, because when her bladder gets too full it can cause leaking...sometimes more than a pad can handle. But the holiday break from school gave her Daddy and I the chance to try out the panties on her and determine how it would work best.

We all hope and pray that the new bowel program continues to work well and that she can stay mostly dry at school. SHE LOVES HER PRINCESS PANTIES!

FAQ

People sometimes ask questions about Adria's health and this issue. That is totally fine with me, as I believe questions are an indication that you care and seek to understand. Here are some answers to Frequently Asked Questions:

1. Can Adria feel when she needs to go potty? No, she cannot feel the urge to urinate like most of us. However, she does feel pain when her bladder gets too full and will complain that her tummy is Ouchy. When this happens, she must be catheterized immediately. 
2. Does she know when she has a stinky in her diaper? Rarely. She has very limited sensation in that part of her body and does not know when stool is coming out. That said, sometimes she will feel pressure when it needs to be emptied.
3. Will she ever be able to GO on her own? Since the nerves in her spinal cord that control bowel and bladder function never actually developed properly, it is highly unlikely that she will ever have the ability to empty without medical equipment. However, in the near future we will be working to teach her how to catheterize herself... That feels somewhat daunting to me.
4. How often does she need to be "taken care of"/catheterized? We typically empty her bladder with a catheter every four hours, except during the night. She sits on the potty to empty her bowel with the Peristeen for 30 minutes every night.
5. Does it bother her to be catheterized? In general, no it does not hurt her. When we first started four years ago, it was very difficult to adjust, but now cathing is just a part of every day life that we are all used to.
6. What exactly is a neurogenic bladder? Here is the description from the Urology Care Foundation, plus you can follow this link for more information. It affects many more people than just those with spina bifida........ Neurogenic bladder is the name given to a number of urinary conditions. It is the result of problems with nerves in the body that may control how the bladder stores or empties urine. These conditions include overactive bladder (OAB), incontinence, and obstructive bladder, in which the flow of urine is blocked. Many women and men have these bladder problems, including people with illness and injury that affect the brain and/or the spinal cord. This includes people with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and Parkinson's disease, and people who have had stroke or spinal cord injury. People who are born with problems of the spinal cord, such as spina bifida, may also have this type of bladder problem.

The Starbucks Seizure...IN HIS WORDS

As we enter a new year and give thanks for our blessings, especially over the past year, we think back to one of the wild days in our journey where we saw God's hand of protection.

It was three years ago, and our newborn baby girl was just one month old. Both of our parents had traveled out to visit us in Indianapolis that December to welcome little Johanna. They had gone home, the new year had come and I was spending maternity leave at home with our two girls. At the time, Adrian was working for an insurance company in a high rise 45 minutes away on the north side of the city. He loved this opportunity, as it was the only time in the past six years that he had returned to the workforce...leaving the life of Stay At Home Dad behind, but only briefly.

The seizures kept returning. They kept him from pursuing these types of things. And as usual, they came without warning. Surprising not only us, but total strangers as well. I'll let Adrian tell the story of the Starbucks Seizure.

IN HIS WORDS...

I believe in miracles, as I shared in the past (We Believe in Miracles). Even though we don’t have the option of a visible miracle, we do have the option in asking for and believing in daily miracles, which I do. That is how I start each day is by asking for another day seizure free and believing that it will be. But even when the miracle of being seizure free doesn’t happen, that is when the visible miracles kick in.

Three years ago in Indiana, January 5^th actually, on my way to work I had stopped at Starbucks to get a latte before I got on I-65 heading north. The line for the drive-through was horrendous so I decided to go in and order. While in line, a young lady my sister’s age in military uniform got in line behind me so I asked if I could pay for her drink hoping that somebody else would be buying my sister, who is also military, a coffee. I paid for the drinks and the next thing I know... I am in an ambulance surrounded by people asking the typical questions of who, what, where, when. 

It had happened again, right there in the middle of Starbucks. 

This was the first seizure I’d had in public without anyone I knew around me. I later found out that the girl whose coffee I paid for is a paramedic for the military, and she was able to take care of me and keep everybody calm until the ambulance got there. 

IF I hadn’t gone in I would have been flying down the interstate when that happened and likely wouldn’t be writing this right now. BUT….I did go in….I did buy her a coffee….she just happened to have medical training…….and I am not dead. I am a realist, but I don’t believe this was all just circumstance.

Here we are with our precious little Johanna, born just a month before this incident.

It's me again... To be honest, this one was hard on me today. As I allowed my mind to relive the events not only of that day but of the weeks preceeding and following it. To remember what it felt like to enjoy a happy morning together and kiss my husband goodbye, only to receive a call from a paramedic less than an hour later saying my husband was in the hospital. I recall the desperation and loneliness I felt when I quickly packed up a month old baby and her 3 year old sister to go see my husband in the Emergency Room...again. But I wasn't alone, we did have friends nearby who came to help, and I later found out the miracle behind this first and only seizure that Adrian had in public with noone he knew around.

Hours later when I returned to pick up his vehicle at Starbucks, I walked inside and they told me what happened that morning. Adrian did not know. They said my husband had paid for this military woman's coffee, then just minutes later as he fell to the ground convulsing with the onset of a seizure, she was the one with medical training who stepped in to help. She not only assisted Adrian, but she helped explain what was happening and calm the people in the store who had likely never seen a seizure before. She took charge of the situation and had the ambulance called immediately. Even when Adrian was alone, he was not really alone.

It's an incredible story, that I'm sure some folks in Indiana still retell. For us, it was another day when we fell down but got up again. By the grace of God.