The Day my Dad's Heart Stopped

People say it. Don’t take loved ones for granted, you never know when it’ll be the last time you see them.

My Mom and Dad looing good on Friday, March 2,

two days after he came home from hospital.

It was two weeks ago Monday night when I called my Dad, after taking the girls to their gymnastic's class. He told me about their busy weekend visiting my sister and family in Vermont – a funeral, a basketball game, a birthday party and more. He sounded happy but tired. They had just gotten home around 6:00 that night.

I asked him what they were doing the upcoming Friday night. Would they feel up for hosting a sleepover with all 6 of their grandkids??? My sister was planning to come down for a few days of the kid’s winter break. He chuckled and asked Mom. Dad said, “Judah too? Yeah, yeah we could try that and see how it goes.” He treasures his grandchildren, who are ages 2-11 with tons of energy and personality.

That conversation would replay in my head for the next few days, as I wondered if it would be the last time I ever talked to my Dad.

Early the next morning on February 20, my Dad’s heart stopped beating.

I had just returned from a 5 mile run and was getting ready for work, when I got the news. My husband walked in with an awful look on his face. “Cam called, your Dad went into cardiac arrest!”

“NOOOOOOOOOO! GOD NO,” I yelled.

Many of you have experienced a moment like this. When you get that awful news that makes it hard to even function. To breathe. Yet you must.

As I ran out the door, my daughters were worried about what was happening. I just said, “Grandpa is sick and needs mommy’s help.” I was so afraid they might not see him again… I drove to my parent’s house, praying and trying not to freak, trying to drive safe, calling my sister.

In the distance I saw their home. Emergency vehicles crowded the driveway. I drove up on the lawn and ran inside. Police officers, EMTs and other responders were everywhere inside.

“Where’s my Dad? How’s my Dad?” They looked at me. I could see in their eyes, it was not good.

Mom stood helpless in the foyer. “He had a heart attack,” she said with numbness and fear. They asked us to step back, “You shouldn’t see him like this,” an officer said as the emergency personnel struggled to carry my Dad down the steep flight of stairs.

Mom, my brother Cameron, and I huddled in a circle and cried as they loaded Dad into the ambulance. The neighbor and first responder, Philip Schrock, told us he had a heart rhythm and was breathing but it was weak. And they were off.

As I waited for Mom and Cam to get dressed, I called Dad’s only sister, my dear Aunt Bon. She shrieked and immediately left work. I called my youngest brother Aaron. Then I quickly shared a public plea on Facebook, “Pray for my Daddy!!! Just had a heart attack.” And you did. Hundreds of you responded.

At the Nanticoke hospital ER, they sent Mom, Cameron and I to a private waiting room. Our numbers gradually increased as family, pastors and a few friends arrived. We waited and sobbed. We prayed.

Dr. Ferber came to the door. It’s hard to recall exactly what he said, but basically that Byron had gone into cardiac arrest and his heart went into a type of arrhythmia that is often the final beats of the heart before death. They had to shock his body twice with a defibrillator to get his heart beating again before leaving the house. His heart stopped again in the ambulance, so they shocked him a third time on the way to the hospital.

The doctor said that it was largely the quick response calling 911 and beginning chest compressions that made the difference of Dad still having a heart beat.

My Dad, sedated in the ICU the day

of his cardiac arrest

You see, mom had awaken around 7:30 a.m. to a blanket being tossed over her. She then saw Dad’s eyes were rolled back and he wasn’t breathing right. Immediately, she yelled for my brother Cameron to call 911. As he was on the phone, they instructed him to take Dad off the bed and begin chest compressions. Within minutes, the neighbor Philip was there responding to the call and took over giving CPR. They saved Dad’s Life.
Around 9 a.m. at the hospital, Dad was sedated and his heart was beating but less than half the strength it should. They would take him to ICU and begin hypothermic treatment that would cool his body to 91 degrees, decreasing the oxygen needed for the body to recover and reducing the risk of brain damage. At this point, they could not tell if he’d had a stroke or if there would be brain injury. Noone knew what to expect, but this was the best they could do for him…

We stayed at the hospital all day. People came to comfort and support. We totally took over the ICU waiting area. Would our Dad make it? How long would it take for him to come back to us? Would he be able to talk, to walk? So many unknowns.

And then it happened. To our amazement and absolute delight, just two days later on the morning of February 22, 2018 Dad opened his eyes. Talk about a moment of sheer joy and hope!!!  

Mom and my sister Lilli cry tears of joy as they see Dad's eyes opened on Feb. 22.

I was at the hospital with my Mom, husband and all 3 siblings. What tears of relief were shed!

The other day, my Mom and Dad told me that it was on February 22, 1974…exactly 44 years before the day of his awakening…when my Father became a Christian, asking Jesus to be his Lord and Savior. Amazing. Mom calls it MIRACLE DAY!

My husband was a faithful supporter to mom and dad during his hospital stay.

Adrian would stay there for hours some days while I had to go to work.

The following Tuesday, my Dad improved enough to have an operation for a Biventricular ICD a.k.a. a pacemaker on his heart. And the next day, Dad came Home!

My Dad weeps as he hugs my three little ones,

his grandchildren, on the day of his homecoming.

During the 9 days that he was in the hospital, I provided daily updates of his progress on Facebook, he had dozens of visitors, friends brought food and cleaned my parent’s home, and hundreds…maybe thousands…of prayers were lifted on his behalf. An entire community network was lifting us all up.
Especially the Sunday after his cardiac arrest, when my older sister experienced a serious fainting incident at church, likely stress induced, that resulted in paramedics arriving on the scene and her being transported to the same hospital where Dad was recovering. They treated her for a few hours in the ER, then she came to stay at my house for the night.

So it’s official, my Dad and sister Lillian have joined the “Fall Down. Up Again” team!!

What exactly caused my Dad’s cardiac arrest is unknown, but they suspect that his heart had been weakening for years. My Dad has been a plumber for 36 years, crawling in damp spaces under homes and breathing in potent glues. He has struggled with coughing fits and bouts of bronchitis over the years that likely put extra strain on his heart. The doctors say the prognosis looks good with his pacemaker now.

He is one of the fortunate ones, they said. Almost 95% of people who experience the severity of cardiac arrest that my Dad endured, do not get a second chance. And when they do, it’s rare to come through it with relatively little permanent damage.

He has diet and lifestyle changes to embrace, along with rehab and physical therapy. His biggest challenge since being home is the pain in his chest from a cracked rib, which is the result of the CPR and fairly common. He is emotional and overwhelmed with gratitude for the support and still appreciates your prayers.

My Dad, Byron Outten, is the best father a girl could hope for, he has an incredibly generous spirit and is known for being there to support people in their final hours. He is great man of God, and we are so Thankful that he is still here to spread more love.

Now that he’s healing, I can tease him, “Was the idea of having all six of your grandchildren spend the night that overwhelming??? You didn’t have to go and have a heart attack!”

With my Dad on Tuesday, February 27, the day he got his

pacemaker and a week after his cardiac arrest

My mom, Lorna Outten, read this verse the day after Dad’s cardia arrest when he was still sedated….

Psalm 41:1-3

“Oh, the joys of those who are kind to the poor! The Lord rescues them when they are in trouble. The Lord protects them and keeps them alive. He gives them prosperity in the land and rescues them from their enemies. The Lord nurses them when they are sick and restores them to health.”

Building our Home Together

It was a cold January day in 2016 when my husband and I walked through the dense woods across the street from his childhood home.

Adrian knows these woods well. They have been owned by the Seely family for generations. He spent his youth exploring, hunting, fishing and swimming in these woods and streams with his brothers and sisters.

He brought me to an area dense with briers.

"This would be a great spot for a home," Adrian said. His parent's 100+ year old farmhouse was barely visible across the field through the thick vegetation. He pointed out how the ground was high, and there were some great trees to keep and many to be removed. He pictured where the driveway would come in off the road and how far back the home should sit. He saw it all.

He had the vision.

That was the start of it. Just over a year ago, we began to pursue this new idea of building another home on the Seely farm. It almost seems surreal that here we are now, just weeks away from moving into this beautiful, new home.

And it has taken shape just as Adrian envisioned.

Our new home covered in its first snow in January 2017 - one year after we walked the property to decide where to build.

Yes, we have built before - 2 other new homes in fact. Yes, we have moved many times.

But this home. THIS HOME IS DIFFERENT.

This is the home we are building for our precious family of 5. More than that, we are building it WITH our children. We are building it TOGETHER. We are planning to raise our children in the same woods where their Daddy enjoyed countless adventures and created many memories.

Adrian designed the home, with some input from me and Monty, an expert home designer where I work. I selected most of the finishes, with Adrian's support and feedback.  And Bay to Beach Builders, where I sell new homes, is doing the hard work of managing construction. (Praise the Lord!)

Now let me tell you WHY we are building.

Looking back a year to the first week of 2016, we were extremely discouraged. It was anything but a "happy new year" when we were hit with some difficult financial news and serious health issues. It reminded me of another time when we felt life was throwing us some tough punches - Click to read "Like Blows in a Boxing Match."

One Sunday morning during this time I was at church with our 3 children. As the congregation sang together in praise and worship, I felt a touch from the Lord.

It was a passionate urging to BELIEVE that even though we were distraught and even though another year started with a bad incident like we had seen before...it would not be a bad year. No, God had the power to make it great.

My heart pounded as I walked to the front of the church with nine-month-old Judah on my hip. I shared what was on my heart with a couple in leadership, and they prayed with me. It wasn't anything super emotional or hyped up. But I took that step forward in faith, and I believe God heard that cry for help and the passionate desire for a positive change!!

In early 2016, as we were seeking God's direction, Adrian had several scriptures speak to his heart.
Months later, we wrote several of them on the framed walls of our new home. Truths to hold onto, forever built into our home.

Within weeks, we found ourselves walking through those woods and talking with his parents about our idea to build a new home within walking distance of them.

In the following months, there were countless hurdles to cross and steps to take toward acquiring the property and preparing to build. But the doors kept opening. New homes sales took off in the second quarter, and 2016 ended up being my best year of my career. Plus, we were able to sell the home that we still owned in Virginia to the family who had been renting it from us since our difficult yet miraculous sudden move in March 2013.

We currently live in a great little community, but country living is in my husband's blood. We believe the freedom and serenity of very familiar land and open space around us is the best lifestyle or "medical treatment" for his seizures. Plus, it's a wonderful environment for raising our children, especially with Adrian's parents and some of his siblings right across the street.

He is looking forward to teaching our children to fish in the stream that runs a few hundred feet behind our new house. And they'll build forts. And explore the trails looking for animal tracks. And swim in the creek. And drive golf carts and four-wheelers around the property.

It will be a good life.


Truly, we have come full circle. We are building our home next door to the home we first rented as a newly married couple 13 years ago. It belonged to Adrian's great aunt, until she passed away, and now is home to a sweet retired couple.

A lot of life and homes and moves have happened in the 13 years we've been married, but we feel so thankful and blessed for this opportunity. Not only are we building a great Home in a great spot, but our three young children are here to enjoy the experience with us.

God is answering our prayers in a big way. We have been on a wild journey, and there's still much to come, but we sincerely hope and believe this is HOME. A place to stay. A place to find peace.

Psalm 37:3-5

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness.

Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass.

Our Canadian Adventure

Eight day vacation. Seven passports. Six little cousins. Five days of travel. Four months of planning. Three different airports. Two countries. One fabulous Adventure!

That's the quick summary of our big family excursion to Canada this summer. A month ago, we were driving through Alberta and British Columbia, Canada to visit Adrian's older brother Jeremy and his family. On June 30 our children met their Uncle Jeremy, Aunt Jessica and three cousins - Girls age 6, 12, 13 - for the first time!

We were also thrilled to have Adrian's parents along with us to be a part of this special occasion as well as provide GREAT assistance in traveling with three young ones.

Selfie with my man on the Skywalk in Jasper National Park

Day 1: Let me just tell you, juggling passports and boarding passes through international security for a family of five is not for the faint of heart! We flew from Philadelphia, PA to Toronto, Ontario to Edmondton, Alberta. I was pretty impressed with AirCanada - all flights were on time and we had individual screens for movie watching in-flight. The only hiccup was confusion over passports for my husband Adrian and my daughter Adria, due to their similar names...we were last to board the plane in Philly because of it!

Checking in with Air Canada - Expedia had failed to note that Judah was traveling with us (Infant in Lap)!

We got it resolved but we think that contributed to confusion with passports at the boarding gate in Philly.

Judah looking out the window uncertain on his first flight. He snuggled in with Mommy and did well.

We gained 2 hours due to the time zones, and that night Adrian took us to a destination he'd visited years before - the West Edmonton Mall. This is not your average shopping mall. It is HUGE, boasting 5.3 MILLION square feet, 800+ stores, plus attractions like the world's largest in-door amusement park and a water park with a massive wave pool. We were only able to walk around for little while after a day of travel, but the girls were impressed and loved being able to enjoy some rides at the amusement park.

Our party of 7 outside Galaxyland amusement park inside the West Ed Mall.

Spinning on the teacups with my girls!

Day 2: Our party of 7 hopped in our rental, a white Toyota Sienna minivan (like we have at home), and drove through beautiful Jasper National Park in Alberta. You should add this place to your bucket list. Hours of gorgeous scenery and impressive snow capped mountains. Adrian and I had driven through this park nine years ago, so it was a special treat to bring our children with us this time.

I tried to take a panorama view of the stunning blue water in the glacier fed lakes.

Plus, we tried out the Glacier Skywalk - a popular new tourist attraction that enables you to walk along a mountain side and out onto a solid glass walkway with a ravine far below! I was impressed that Adria braved it, but not for long.

See that crazy looking thing sticking off the side of the mountain?

That's the glass skywalk on the far right with the ravine far below!

The kids were a little nervous, but they did go out on the walk for a short time - this is just before going on the glass.

Day 3: We drove 5 hours through quiet Canadian country from Jasper to a town in the heart British Columbia where Jeremy's family lives. After years of dreaming and saving, they recently built a new home on a lot that provides a peaceful view of the valley. It sounds like construction has been quite challenging and there is still work to be done, but it's a charming home that provided a lovely retreat for us.

Brothers chatting in Jeremy and Jessica's living room, with large windows showing off the great view.

Jessica has a beautiful garden from which we enjoyed fresh vegetables for the many delicious meals that she prepared for us. The oldest daughter cares for their 3 cows and milks one every day. All three girls are active speed skaters during the winter and are now getting into running, along with their parents.

Meeting the cousin's cows

COUSINS MEET FOR THE FIRST TIME!

Day 4: July 1 was Canada Day - often celebrated much like America's July 4th. The young cousins spent hours giggling and playing together, including time in the pool and on the trampoline. Judah practiced his recently acquired skill of walking everywhere and was deeply fascinated by the staircase. Good conversation was shared among the adults. Granny and Grandad treasured taking it all in and babysat in the evening, so we parents could have double date night.

Enjoying Pool time on the only really hot day while we were there.

The girls enjoyed their Russian Matryoska doll collection.

Day 5: We all drove to a nearby mountain called Sinkhut, that has a fire watch tower. Some of us hiked to the top. It would have been too much for our little ones, so they were able to take a ride up a rough dirt road. The view was STUNNING from the top. You could see countless miles of mountains and countryside. The wind and mosquitoes were also rather impressive - ha!

Our Canadian Seely family!

Everyone enjoying the top of the mountain

Day 6: It was a quiet, rainy Sunday. We relaxed inside, trying to treasure our final day with family that we may not see again for years to come...

The kids watch with interest while their older cousins practice French horn and clarinet.

Day 7: The 4th of July. We packed up the rental mini-van, said our goodbyes early, and drive 9 hours across Canadian countryside back to a hotel by Edmonton airport. We never saw moose on the trip, but we did spot some good-looking caribou that day. Thankfully, the children traveled fairly well with the girls snuggled in on either side of Granny while Grandad and I took turns driving. Needless to say, we did not see any fireworks or Red, White and Blue flying around us that day.

Caribou on the road

Day 8: Head to airport at 5 a.m. Fly AirCanada back across the continent and two time zones to safely arrive in Philadelphia after 4 p.m. And yes, the worst part of the trip was getting stuck in rush hour traffic on this final leg of the trip home. But we did finally make it home close to 8 p.m.  I was back in the office the next morning and worked 6 days straight...

Johanna relaxing on the plane. The girls enjoyed flying.

It was all worth it. Priceless memories made. Wonderful conversation shared. Adria is already asking me when we can go back to Canada!!!

A special time...who knows how many years may pass before we all get together again.

IN HIS WORDS...You are Unique

Adrian shares some words from his heart today.

Daddy and his boy on Judah's first birthday, April 28.

IN HIS WORDS

Each and every one of us is unique. We may find others that we share many similarities with, but at our core we are our own unique person. And just as unique is the story that we have to tell. Most of us have heard the phrase "everyone has a story to tell," which refers to the fact that everybody has or is going through a struggle. But does that detract from the emotional effect that it has on us as individuals? I don't believe so. I believe that it makes it even more important because it gives us all something in common.

The more I talk to people, I find that most of us fall into one of two categories.

The first category is to want understanding. We want our situation, our struggle, and how it is affecting us to be understood. Especially by those around us that love and care about us. The truth is that because we are unique and our stories are unique that no one can truly understand what we are facing and how it is affecting us. Even those who are facing the same struggle cannot really understand. They can only relate to some aspects of the struggle we face. However, that does not mean that we keep it all to ourselves and don't talk about it.

The second category that the rest of us fall into is trying to ignore the struggle we face. If we don't acknowledge it, then it doesn't exist right? Sadly, neither category is the answer and provides no relief for the struggle we face and so often leads to depression and substance abuse. When I say substance abuse we automatically think drugs and alcohol, and yes those are still very prevalent today. But what about food, sugar, or what I consider to be the most widely abused substance today - Screen time. Maybe substance abuse isn't the correct term but you get my point. TVs, smart phones, iPads..... How many of us stick to the suggested 2 hours a day limit of screen time? Not an accusation, just a thought. Look at what you do with your life and then ask yourself why.

Personally, I am finding that the best way to face a struggle is to begin with acknowledging it. Accept that it is here, it is currently part of your life, and no amount of denial will make it go away. Neither will any amount of pity make you feel better.

Next, find those in your life who can and will walk with you as you journey through your struggle. Even though only you can fully understand what you are facing it doesn't mean that you should face it alone. In fact, you can't. I have been struggling with seizures now for more that six years. My exceptional wife has seen most of them and stood by me through the struggle of change and recovery for six years. She cannot fully understand the struggle I face but it is her unfailing love and support that makes me able to continue to struggle instead of give up and give in to a vegetative state. And then I think of the support that our families have provided. Consistently supporting our requests whether they understood them or not. So surround yourself with people who care and don't hesitate to ask for what you need.

Next, and it's something that it has taken until recently for me to realize, don't be so absorbed with your own struggle that you fail to recognize others. As I have stated before, my seizures have dramatically changed me. Other than a few scars, it isn't externally that obvious but internally where it actually matters, everything has changed. I have been so absorbed with the apparent monumental combined struggles that Adria and I are facing along with the moves, births, and job change that we faced that I forgot that there are other people with real issues in the world.

A while ago I was sharing with someone the most recent developments in our ongoing family drama and after I had walked away I realized that I had not bothered to ask them about their day, family, or anything. As I began to think over the last six years I realized that this had been a fairly consistent trend and it made me ashamed. So remember to take time for others as you face your own struggle.

Looking over the past seven years and the struggles that we have and are facing it makes me realize how much I truly care about others and their struggles regardless of how big or small they may seem. I believe that caring is the path toward healing. Even if that healing is simply finding peace for our situation. Healing is not always returning to how things were.

I have also learned the importance of being heard. I recently read that healing begins when a person feels heard. How often do we not speak because of what we are afraid we will get told in return? Can we listen to someone share their heart and mind without trying to "speak the truth in love" in return?

So take time to care, to listen, to laugh, to cry, to love, to pray. Turn off the TV, shut the lap top, put down the phone. Go for walks, go for coffee, go out with friends, and always and forever, go disc golfing.

To My 6 Month Old Son

Dear Baby Judah,

My precious little boy. You are six months old! You're halfway to your first birthday already. My heart is full of gratitude for you and the wonderful time we've had together so far. But my heart also aches for all the hours we spend apart.

You are just sooo adorable and a big boy now! With chunky monkey thighs, rolly-poly arms and the most kissable cheeks conceivable, your snuggles are the best. Your dreamy big eyes surprised everyone by turning brown like mommy's, instead of the famous Seely blue. But most everything else about you takes after Daddy, which makes you super handsome!

6 month old Sweetie Pie

Your face can instantly change from a serious stare to a wide grin that melts us all. You give your adoring sisters big smiles, especially when they jump and dance to make you laugh. You give mommy smiles and giggles when we get to talk. You have plenty of grins to share with your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. But I think you save your biggest smiles for Daddy. You two spend your days together and share a special bond. You are pretty much the center of Daddy's world right now, and he cares for you with attentive gentleness.

Mommy treasured our first months together, and it made me so sad when it came time for me to return to full-time work when you were just 10 weeks old. Even though I had to do the same thing with your sisters, it was not any easier this time. But I love walking in the door after work each day and kissing your puffy cheeks then cradling you every night in the rocking chair as you nurse before bed. Plus, I take you on all kinds of adventures when I have a day off and enjoy wearing you in our baby carrier.

Wearing baby Judah at Wallops Island with Uncle Aaron and Johanna

You have been so good to us. No illness. Rarely fussy or inconsolable. Healthy eater with some surprisingly loud toots! Of course your diet is still just mommy's milk and a little baby cereal, but we'll get into more interesting stuff soon. You don't seem to be in a rush.

You sleep well for the most part. Though you seldom allow me more than 4-5 hours of rest without waking at night, you usually fall right back to sleep after eating. You are rolling and wiggling all over now, and just starting to sit by yourself for a few seconds.

You are a priceless treasure. You bring healing to our family, both immediate and extended. So many love you and adore your chubby cuteness. We are indeed blessed by you, dear son.

With more love than I know how to express...

Mommy  

Here's a look at how you've grown...

NEWBORN BABY

1 MONTH

2 MONTHS

3 MONTHS

4 MONTHS

5 MONTHS

6 MONTHS

Thankful in the Mess

This morning I'm enjoying our sunroom and the stillness before our home awakens and there are three little ones needing fed, changed, and put together for the day.

At least I'm trying to enjoy it for a few minutes and not be distracted by the mess. By all there is that needs to be done.

A pile of princess figurines sits next to me on the couch. Dried pizza crust from last night's dinner lies on the floor, along with several wrappers from packs of gummies. They blend in readily with the toys that I tried to avoid tripping on. The kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes. There are bag of groceries that still need to be put away. Piles of dirty laundry to be washed. The list goes on and on.

But it's not for lack of effort. Especially on the part of my husband who is home during the day trying to balance the needs of a 3 month old baby along with 2 young daughters. In spite of all their demands, he still amazes me with all that he does accomplish inside and outside our home each day.

And if it were only up to me, the mess would be insurmountable. Yes, I'm a bit of a messy. Definitely NOT a neat freak. Adrian has always been the "neater" one in this relationship.

It just feels impossible to keep up with everything. Yesterday, was a crazy busy day for me at work with back to back client appointments all day, during which I barely squeezed in time to pump my milk and scarf down food at 1:45 p.m. We had to run errands when I got home, so by the time the kids were in bed...we had nothing left. Bed called.

Yet when I look at it all with fresh eyes, I see all there is to be thankful for in spite of the mess:

• The toys everywhere mean I'm blessed to be a mother with children who are healthy and active
• The dishes in the sink mean we have plenty of food to eat
• The fact that I'm up early because cries woke me and I couldn't sleep means I have a precious little baby
• The ever present laundry means we have many clothes to wear
• The exhaustion I feel from yesterday's busyness means that work is going well and our family is being provided for
• The bills on our desk mean we have a home to live in and cars to get around
• The markers and paper covering the kitchen table mean my daughters have a creative side that enjoys crafts
• The general mess means that my family is able to be home during the day and not be in child care somewhere else
• All the things, all the stuff, all the mess means we are BLESSED

And for all that, I am so thankful. Especially when I look beyond the mess and see all that has been done. The bathrooms that are clean. The bottles that are put away. The towels that are washed. The clothes I wear to work neatly hung. The trash that's been taken out. The garage that is swept. The lawn that looks fabulous. And most of all, the children who are fed and happy. The list goes on and on.

That means I have a husband who cares and works hard every day at one of the toughest jobs a man can have...Stay at Home Dad.

All the mess means that I have this wonderful family to love.

Today I am thankful. Still, I somehow wish this thankful heart could make the mess go away...haha!! Okay, well I better get moving and try to clean up a little before heading back into the office for a busy Saturday.

The Beauty of Life...IN HIS WORDS

Today, we have a special post as my husband shares for the first time in months. As always, he makes me ponder and get a little teary-eyed as I read his unique perspective. I hope you can appreciate what Adrian has to say, especially as today marks 3 weeks since his recent seizure.

The Beauty of Life...IN HIS WORDS

I recently read that one of the few certainties of life is that…………. none of us are going to survive it. Does that sound morbid? Possibly, but it is also very very true. Personally, I am finding that having this truth made clear in my life on a daily basis is having a positive and liberating effect. Life is full of beauty, of joy, of vigor, of the sense of the miraculous and well……..just life itself. 

But so often the beauty of life becomes overshadowed and blocked out by the things that don’t matter and we don’t take time enjoy it. We spend so much time drug up, drug down, drug out, or just plain drugged that we miss so much of the beauty in life that surrounds us. Realizing that your life can be taken in a moment is very inspiring to focus on the beauty in life, the precious moments in life.

The daily reality that we have had to learn to live with is that a seizure and everything that comes with it can strike at any time, anywhere, and with no warning. What has been harder to come to grips with is the reality that at any time a seizure can hit and I won’t wake up in the E.R. I can be cutting grass or folding laundry and the next thing I know I will be asking St. Peter why now? How does a person come to grips with this in their heart and mind? How can it make any sense?

It doesn’t make sense and it can’t. Every day I have the choice to live in fear and self-pity, or I can spend living in and looking for the beauty of life. I have the choice to be negative or positive, build or destroy, be selfish or self-less. There are aspects of my life that I cannot control but these things I can. These are the choices that we all have to make on a daily basis and I hope that you don’t have to share my path before you learn to stop and smell the roses.

Will a seizure take my life? It is possible although not probable. It could be tonight, tomorrow, next week, next year, or never. I guess the uncertain possibility adds to the spice of life. However, this same possibility applies to everyone. Our lives hang but by a thread yet death is not something to be feared. 

I do not fear death, I do fear a wasted life. 

That is how I have come to grips with my condition, it is how I make sense of what is happening. I live my life one breath at a time and I focus each breath towards living a life that is not wasted.

One of my favorite poems is called How Did You Die by Edmond Vance Cooke.  Although the title may sound a little morbid I find the poem to be oddly inspirational. You should be able to follow the link on the title of the poem, but here are a few of my favorite lines.

          

You are beaten to earth? Well, well, what's that? 

Come up with a smiling face.

It's nothing against you to fall down flat,

But to lie there -- that's disgrace.

Adrian cherishing time with our son today while we waited
for our daughter Adria's appointment at A.I.duPont Hospital for Children.

                        

What Seizures look like and How to Respond

This weekend as we celebrate our country's independence, we are thankful for our freedoms and those who help make them possible. But we also think of the millions of Americans, like Adrian, whose personal independence is hindered by a health issue that is hard to control.

Adrian is still in recovery mode from his recent seizure but has been able to stay fairly active. Each one is so taxing physically and emotionally for him. It's been a long time since we have had to deal with this, and it is very frustrating. But we are not alone. More than 2 million people in the U.S. alone live with epilepsy - a neurological condition that affects the nervous system resulting in multiple seizures. It's complicated living when you can lose consciousness without warning at any time.

Here are some facts from Epilepsy.com:

• Epilepsy is the fourth most common neurological disorder and affects people of all ages
• Epilepsy means the same thing as "seizure disorders" 
• 1 in 26 people in the United States will develop epilepsy at some point in their lifetime.
• 150,000: Number of new cases of epilepsy in the United States each year
• Epilepsy is a spectrum condition with a wide range of seizure types and control varying from person-to-person
• 65 MILLION: Number of people around the world who have epilepsy
• ONE-THIRD: Number of people with epilepsy who live with uncontrollable seizures because no available treatment works for them.
• 6 OUT OF 10: Number of people with epilepsy where the cause is unknown

Treating Epilepsy

It’s now been more than five years since Adrian had his first seizure. We know a little more about them now, such as they originate from the right frontal lobe of his brain, and his medications usually work, but…not always.

We have hoped and prayed and many times believed they were gone, yet we will never have 100% confidence that they won't return. 

We decided that our family and friends should be better prepared in the event that Adrian has another seizure or you happen to be around someone with epilepsy who has an incident.

Seizures present themselves in many different ways, and there are many different types. Sometimes the person just stares blankly for a minute or appears to pass out. The type of seizures Adrian has are more severe and include the convulsions that most people associate with seizures.

He has what are called TONIC-CLONIC SEIZURES, formerly known as “grand mal” seizures. They can be frightening to witness, but if you know what to expect, it may help keep you calm.

We put together this information explaining what can happen during a Tonic-Clonic seizure and how best to respond. Who knows, you may find yourself in a Starbucks or Panera Bread someday and be the one to help calm the situation when someone has a seizure...

What Tonic-Clonic Seizures can look like:

Based on the seizures I have seen, this is generally what happens:

• He turns his face to the left and typically falls to the left if standing, when the seizure begins.
• His eyes close as his body will stiffen, clench up and convulse for 1-3 minutes.
• There is often blood coming out of the mouth from clenching jaws that bite the tongue. Interestingly, Adrian's tongue doesn't bleed much anymore because there is a lot of scar tissue from previous seizures.
• Once convulsions stop, he may stop breathing for a minute and turn purple…yes, frightening!
• When breathing stops it is because his chest muscles have tightened during the “tonic” phase. So far, Adrian always begins to breathe again without CPR as this phase of the seizure ends.
• Seizures can cause loss of bladder or bowel control, but not often. 
• The "postictal state" is the brain's recovery period after a seizure that can last for minutes or days. For many, this is a time a confusion with headaches and exhaustion. 
• In Adrian's case, this is when it gets most difficult as he begins to yell, moan and wander around. He will resist anyone who tries to restrain him or hold him down and will show incredible strength. He has no awareness of who you are or that this is even happening.
• This postictal phase typically lasts more than 30 minutes for him, which can feel like forever.
• Most people with epilepsy do NOT have this extreme activity after the seizure, it is very uncommon.

How to Respond to a Tonic-Clonic Seizure:

Here are a few suggestions of things you can do to help if Adrian or someone else has a seizure when you are nearby.

• Most importantly – REMAIN CALM. This has happened before. 
• If you are close by when he begins to fall, try to catch him before he hits the ground or at least prevent him from hitting any sharp/hard objects.
• Look at a clock and note the time - try to time the active seizure but don't let that distract you.
• Remove any harmful or fragile objects from the vicinity around him and place a pillow or shirt under his head.
• CALL 911 –  Look for a Medical Alert card or I.D. bracelet 
• Take any children away from the room or area. Do not crowd around him.  
• Do NOT put anything in his mouth or try to give him water, food, etc.
• Turn his body to the side with his face pointing down to help him breathe better.
• Once the seizure is over, he may get up and walk around during the postictal phase. It's best NOT to restrain him before help has arrived. 
• Again, try to stay calm and speak to him reassuringly, but he will not remember any of this.  

This is a lot of information, but we hope you find it helpful. We are still learning so much about Epilepsy and how to live with it. The cruelness of this disorder lies in the total unpredictability of it. Yet, we have felt God's hand of protection each time a seizure occurred and pray that will continue. And we are thankful that even though these seizures have limited some of Adrian's freedom, he still gets up every time he falls down.

It happened again...a Seizure!

It happened again. A crazy seizure.

This is the post we had hoped to never write. Since our blog started two years ago, we’ve only shared stories about my husband’s past seizures…not current. We contemplated whether we should even share this one so publicly. Yet, there are things to be learned and thanks to be given from what we experienced this week.

THE SEIZURE

It was Tuesday around 7:30 p.m. when our family of 5 stopped into Panera Bread for a light dinner.  We had just arrived in the beautiful Shenandoah Valley of Virginia that afternoon for a 3-day vacation before Mommy returns to work in July after 10 weeks maternity leave.

Our KOA vacation cabin...it was really nice.

I stood at the counter with 8-week-old Judah in my arms and ordered Mac n Cheese meals for our 3 and 6 year old daughters. As I looked back up at the menu to decide on what I wanted, I saw the commotion out of the corner of my eye.

The next thing I knew, my husband was falling to the ground right there by the counter and convulsing.

No! The seizures had returned.

THE HELP

“My husband has seizures,” I said to the staring faces around me as I rushed to him. “But it’s been a long time since he’s had one!”

Half a dozen Panera workers looked at me and questioned:
“What can we do to help?”
“Should we call 911?”
“Can I hold your baby for you?”

I had to think fast. I had to stay calm.

“Yes, call 911. Here, hold my baby. Please take our daughters around the corner, so they can’t see their Daddy. There’s not much we can do for my husband. His seizures last about 5 minutes, but then he gets worse, so we should keep people away” I said something like this, not sure exactly.

Adrian’s body lay on the ground shaking and seizing while some blood trickled out his mouth from his jaws clenching on his tongue. Someone brought an apron to put under his head.

I heard them on the phone call to 911 saying, “I don’t know how old he is.”
“He’s 36,” I told them.

“How can we help?” Several kind, concerned faces looked at me and kept asking this.

“My daughters haven’t eaten. Can you get them some mac and cheese? Wait, where’s my wallet?” The lady at the counter handed it back to me as some guy stepped up to order, uncertain of the situation.

Suddenly, Adrian stopped seizing. His breathing stopped. His body lay completely still.

In a shaky voice, I told them this usually happens and he should come out of it. But as a long minute passed and his faced began to turn deep shades of purple, my leg started shaking in fear.

“It’s not usually this long,” I said as I placed my hand on his chest, “Oh Jesus, help him!”

A group of 4 people came up and said that they were CPR certified. Of course they were. Every time Adrian has a seizure in a public place, there’s miraculously someone there with medical training to help the situation. God be praised!

They checked for a pulse. Nothing. His lips turned white.

“Okay, let’s begin CPR!” a man said, while a woman knelt over Adrian.

Just as she was about to begin chest compressions, Adrian drew in a shuddered breath. Color returned to his face as he inhaled deep, labored breaths. Oh, thank God!

Sirens could be heard outside as the EMTs arrived.  Moments later, he was surrounded by a medical team.

They asked me questions. What’s his name? Has this happened before? How long has he been having seizures? Etc.

I answered as best I could, then I tried to warn them. The seizure is just the beginning. He typically goes into a state of postictal confusion for at least 30 minutes following the seizure. He’s not aware and has no idea what’s happening, but he yells and gets very active and violent.

And just as I was telling them, it began. First, his legs started kicking and his sneakers flew off. Then, the moaning and sitting up trying to push people off him.

“I don’t know what to say, except that this is going to get worse. He’s very strong.”

Another emergency crew arrived. Soon, there were about 8 men fighting to get Adrian strapped onto a transport bed. It was quite a scene by the time they rolled him out of Panera Bread and into the ambulance. They told me not to rush to the hospital.

THE HOSPITAL

I gathered up his shoes, my wallet, the diaper bag, and went over to find our little girls happily coloring pictures with three of the Panera ladies while another held our surprisingly content baby Judah. I was sooo thankful for the help of those women!

They handed me a bag with the mac and cheese, drinks and yogurt and asked if there was anything else they could do to help.

“We just arrived in town on vacation, and I don’t know anyone in the area. Could someone come with me to the hospital and help care for my girls?” I asked, feeling uncertain about what to do.

A sweet, young lady volunteered to come. I got directions, packed up the kids, and headed to the hospital just a few minutes away.

“Mommy, why Daddy fall down? Daddy get hurt, Mommy?” 3-year-old Johanna asked. She’s never seen Adrian have a seizure. Both the girls were worried but remained fairly calm.

While I checked in at the Emergency Department visitor desk, a woman came in and walked up to me.

“I was at the restaurant and just realized what was happening as you were leaving. We live close by. Is there anything I can do to help?” she asked. Her name was Mary, and she gave me her phone number. I thanked her and hugged her, but the girls were already situated with the young lady from Panera and I was eager to check on Adrian.

I heard him right away as I entered the ED with Judah in his stroller. The sound of Adrian’s yells filled the whole department.

They would not let us in his room yet. His dramatic postictal state was still very active and his bed was surrounded by the EMTs.

A doctor came out and asked me about what happened and his seizure history. He said Adrian’s behavior had been very “impressive” and they had given him several doses of medicine to try to calm him.

Eventually, the doctor had the EMTs clear out and let me and Judah come in the room. Adrian was soaked in sweat. His face was red. His shirt was stained and dirty. His ankles and wrists still strapped to the bed as he continued to moan.

Adrian exhausted around midnight Tuesday after the seizure.

I tried to talk to him, but he had no idea I was there. We turned off the lights and he calmed down and fell asleep while sitting upright.

It was more than 2 hours after the seizure started before he showed any signs of awareness and recognition.

During that time, I called our parents and repeatedly checked on the girls. I was worried about them, as I knew they were tired and I needed to let the stranger who had stayed with them go home. Her name was Shannon, and she was a college student getting ready to leave for a summer trip to Africa to teach English.

Meanwhile, Adrian’s sister Betsy realized that we were actually close to one of their cousins, who we haven’t seen in a few years. His cousin Samantha texted me and soon she was at the hospital to stay with the girls in the family room waiting area, so Shannon could leave.

Johanna really wanted to go back in the ED and see Daddy, but I didn’t want her to see him like this. She kept asking about him every time I checked on them.

THE AFTERMATH

Finally, around 1 a.m. Adrian was discharged after they had completed all the tests they wanted to run and we’d had a good discussion with the doctor. It was a long, tiring night for all of us. But I was so thankful for those who stepped in to help and for our children behaving well in the midst of chaos. Judah was my comfort, as he remained in my arms for hours that evening, regularly being adored by the nurses.

Baby Judah sleeping in his carseat/stroller with a hospital gown blanket that night.

Adrian was barely able to leave the ED under his own strength, but he did. When we stopped to get the girls out of the family waiting room, they were fast asleep snuggled close together on two benches. Samantha said they insisted on sleeping side by side. Little sweeties.

The girls fell asleep together in the family room ED waiting area.
This was taken around 1 a.m.!

We arrived back at our cabin in the woods around 2 a.m. (after a quick stop for groceries at Walmart!) Rest did not come easily, but we tried our best to enjoy the remainder of our “vacation” before returning home on Friday.

We are so disappointed that it happened again. The seizure episode was frightening and once again leaves us with questions. Some that cannot be answered.

I hate to see my husband fall down. It feels wrong and unfair. And we will continue to fight for an end to these seizures.

Yet, we get up again and will continue to live each day, trusting and believing for God’s hand of protection to surround us. And we are so very thankful for all the strangers and people who stepped in to help a family in need that night!!!

In spite of the crazy night, we still took time to enjoy mini-golf, the playground and pool.

Daddy and his little man chillin' in the cabin.