Looks like a Healthy Baby Boy is coming!

There are few things that compare to the wonder of seeing a little life moving on a screen - a life that just a few months prior did not exist but now is growing inside of you. It is a gift, a treasure not to be taken for granted.

Of course, if you're like my husband, you may not know what you're looking at half the time. Ultrasounds can't always provide the most clear picture, but they can provide a lot of information.

The profile of our baby...if you can tell :)

In the weeks leading up to my 19 week ultrasound, people often asked the question, "Are you hoping for a boy this time?"

To that I'd reply something like, "That would be great, though I really love my two girls and would be fine to add another to the mix. But Adria is quite convinced it's a baby brother!"

And the person would follow with a comment most pregnant women have heard, "Just as long as it's a healthy baby, right?"

Honestly, I sometimes hesitated with my response to this. Yes, I want and pray for a healthy baby...more than I care what the gender is...but it's not a requirement for my love and acceptance of this child.

When you've been there in the ultrasound room and watched the doctor point out the birth defect on your growing baby and learned how it will impact the rest of your child's life, it is a moment of fear and the tears fall. All else fades as your mind struggles to grasp the fact that you are not carrying a "healthy baby". But there is movement, there is life and that little baby girl is yours.

So when the doctors asked the question about Adria, "Do you want to terminate the pregnancy?"...because this is not a "normal baby"... the answer is NO!  Perfectly healthy or not, this is my baby.

That is what we experienced when I was 20 weeks pregnant with our first child, who is now an incredible little six year old girl named Adria. Still, we hope and pray for a healthy baby.

A Baby Boy?!

As you can imagine, with an experience like this in our history, my husband and I headed to my Level 2 ultrasound on Tuesday with a mix of excitement over seeing our baby and finding out the gender, combined with tinge of nervous anticipation of what the ultrasound might reveal.

When I was pregnant with Adria, we had to travel about 1.5 hours to Annapolis, Md. and Newark, Del. to get a high level ultrasound at a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist. Since then, Bayhealth has opened a new MFM practice in Dover, which is much closer to home.

Ironically, Adria had an ultrasound done much like Mommy's exactly one week before mine.
Her urologist has this done once or twice a year to take a look at her bladder and kidneys.
Having spina bifida often leads to issues of incontinence, weak bladder, and reflux in the kidneys.

It was a nasty, rainy day with my husband Adrian and I both coughing and sneezing as we went in for my ultrasound. The tech said it would take about 45 minutes for her to gather all the information needed, as she knew our history since we had met with a genetic counselor prior to that day.

We told her that we were VERY interested in finding out whether baby was a boy or girl!

As she started, right away we saw a nicely shaped skull and a fluttering little heart (always good signs). A few minutes in, she got a view of the legs and bottom and said, "It looks like you're going to have another girl!"

Okay, Adrian and I just smiled at each other. No biggie. We know little girls.

"Hold on," the tech said, "The umbilical cord is in the way and kind of blocking the view." For a few minutes she kept moving her device around my belly, trying for different angles. "Oh wait, look at that," she said, "I was wrong, it is a boy! Sorry for leading you the wrong way with that."

Oh really? Well that's pretty exciting! If she's sure.... The tech was pretty confident after that, we are carrying a little boy. Yeah, Adria will be excited! (Even before I was pregnant, she was asking for a little brother.)

The ultrasound continued, and we watched closely, paying special attention to the spine when she took those pictures. The techs are not supposed to tell us if they find anything abnormal, that comes directly from the doctor. But, we now have a good idea what spina bifida looks like in an ultrasound and did not see anything on our baby that gave us reason for concern. Having a child with a Neural Tube Defect, does put us at increased risk for having another baby with something similar, but I had taken high doses of Folic Acid prior to conceiving which greatly reduces the risk.

At the completion of the ultrasound, the doctor came in and confirmed that our baby looks healthy and she sees no indication of spina bifida or other defects! That's the news we wanted to hear. She said that there was a small difference in a chromosome in the brain, but thought the baby looked good and did not give us reason for concern.

We left feeling doubly blessed...to be expecting our first SON... and to be carrying a healthy baby!

After we left the ultrasound, we bought this cute pair of BLUE shoes!

Later that day, when Adria came home from school, she was happy to hear the news but she asked, "Is he in our family now?" I think she was hoping mom was bringing him home...outside my belly. He's not ready to meet us yet little girl! She'll have to wait until sometime around May for that.

But Adria called it from the start. From the moment we told her Mommy had a surprise, she knew it was her baby brother :)

Will my baby have Spina Bifida?

The mind of a child is an incredible place. And sometimes those little minds will present you with a question that can stump you more than an essay question on a college exam.

Our little girls like to question everything. Inquisitive minds want to know. And we aim to use these opportunities to provide clear and truthful answers that educate them, but a few weeks ago Adria really stumped me with one.

She and I were snuggling on the couch one evening soon after we had shared with her the exciting news that there is a baby in Mommy's belly again!

Adria was three years old when her younger sister Johanna was born and even at that age she seemed to clearly grasp the concept that her baby sister was growing inside me. She would love on my belly and talk to the baby all the time.

Here is Johanna helping to send off Adria to school this week:

At six years old now, Adria already wants to hug and kiss the baby in my belly every morning and night even though I'm not yet "Fat Pregnant" as she says :)

So as we sat together that evening, Adria was asking me all types of questions about the baby. She has been pretty consistently convinced that she's having a little brother, though we have no proof of that yet. After a few questions like, "Will he have blue eyes like me and Daddy and Jo-Jo or brown eyes like you?", she casually asks me this....

"Will my baby brother have Spina Bifida like me?"

I pause. Gulp. Of course I have thought of questions like this in the stillness of the night and as we considered having another the child. The risk is clearly higher in our family. But it was not a question I had planned for or been prepared to answer from my sweet little girl who lives a courageous life with spina bifida.

Quick. Think. How do I respond? My immediate thought is...I hope and pray not! But I can't say that to her. I can't let her think for a moment that I don't love and appreciate how her body was made. I love her beyond comprehension. Yet, I would never wish for a child to be born into a life that could be exponentially more complicated than "average," nor would I wish on any parent the struggle of caring for a child with unique needs and differences. Sure, we can be made better, stronger people as we daily walk these journeys, but still...

The best response I could come up with was a question back to my little girl.

"What do you think, honey? Do you want our baby to have spina bifida?" 

"Yeah, I think so," Adria says quietly.

I had really hoped that was not her answer. Or did I? Did that answer show that she is comfortable and confident in her life and her body? That she thinks it's no big deal to have spina bifida? Or did it come from a place of loneliness, where she recognizes her differences and does not want to be the only one in her world who must wear leg braces, who has a large scar on her back, and who has to visit the nurse everyday at school instead of using the bathroom like her classmates? Maybe it's a little of both.

Mommy is still stumped by this little girl. I wanted to understand more about what is going on in her heart and mind. So I asked another question.

"Why do you want our baby to have spina bifida?"

"So he can be like my twin!" she says.

Aww, my sweetie. Honestly, I don't remember where the conversation went from there. I think I briefly explained that it's possible but we won't know for a while, and that God is creating this beautiful baby for us to love.

She has asked similar questions several times since, even asking her Granny about it. I feel like I'm treading on sensitive ground with my responses. I am afraid to say the wrong thing; I certainly don't want to put the thought in her mind that I do not want another child with spina bifida. She could misunderstand that to mean something different about herself and our love for her.

I know of parents who have two children with spina bifida. They love them deeply, as I would, but it is a very challenging life to balance all the medications, doctor's visits, special equipment, and medical bills. And I know Adria functions much better than many children born with spina bifida. I do not take that for granted!

But as we planned for this pregnancy, I did the best I could to prevent any potential "birth defects," as spina bifida is labeled. Every morning I took four 1MG tablets of Folic Acid, which is at least five times the dose in most pre-natal vitamins. I did this faithfully for the six months prior to conception and even before that made sure to regularly take high doses of Folic Acid. It's the only known way to reduce your risk of having a child with a Nueral Tube Defect, like spina bifida. Though it's not a guarantee, it significantly drops our risk.

Since we already have a child with spina bifida, our risk of having another child with a similar issue is a startling 1 in 15 chance! HOWEVER, if I take the doctor recommended 4MG of Folic Acid for at least 3 months PRIOR to getting pregnant, that risk drops to about 1 in 15,000!!! Those odds are much better.

Keep in mind, this is a significantly higher dosage than the CDC's recommended daily intake of 400mcg of folic acid for women - 1MG is equal to 1,000mcg.

Still, the question remains...

Will my baby have spina bifida?

At this point in my pregnancy, it has already been decided, as the spinal column is formed very early and a defect like spina bifida occurs just 21 days after conception. We cannot know for certain until our baby is born, but generally an ultrasound will detect spina bifida. I do have a Level II ultrasound (with the 3D imaging) scheduled for about one month from now.

We are hoping and praying the only Big News from that day, is whether Adria was right about a Baby Brother!

But whether boy or girl or anything else is discovered, we already love our baby and look forward to all the hours, days, weeks, and years we may be blessed to have together.

Just like we already enjoy the blessing of two little princesses.

October is Spina Bifida Awareness month in the U.S., so as the month draws to a close, I thought it was a good time to share Adria's tough question. 

The message here is two-fold. 

1. You CAN take action before pregnancy to reduce the likelihood that your child will have Spina Bifida.

2. But if you find out your baby has Spina Bifida, do not despair. You will be amazed by your incredible child as together you embark on a journey to fight for the best life possible. You will cry and feel discouraged at times, but that's expected. The journey is worth it.

She wants a Prince...and a baby

Last night as I was giving Adria a bath, I remarked on how tall she is now almost filling up the length of the tub and how I remember giving her a bath when she was just a little baby.

Her response. "Mommy, when I grow up I'm going to have a baby like you. Will that make you happy when your daughter has a baby, so you can have a baby again?"

"Yes, that will make Mommy happy, but that's a looooooooong way away!" I said. Really, I don't want to be thinking about my five year old being a mother...yet. She's not even in kindergarten, and she regularly talks about getting married and having children. I'm so not prepared for this stuff, even if I do find it a bit amusing.

Adria begins her love of babies as she helps mommy give her newborn baby sister a bath
(Dec 2011)

It makes me think of that day when we were sitting in the maternal fetal medicine office after hearing about Adria's diagnosis, and we were learning about spina bifida for the first time. We were trying to grasp what type of life our unborn daughter could expect. They told us that because of the damage to her spinal cord, she would likely have limited sensation from her waist down. I remember being concerned and asking if she would be able to have children. They said it would be possible, in fact one of their patient's was a pregnant woman who had spina bifida. That gave me a measure of peace for my little girl.

Adria regularly asks me questions like, "Mommy, when I grow up will I have a handsome prince like you?" Ah so cute. I do hope so. Though I know the fairy tale dream of a prince that she sees in so many children's books and shows is so very different from the reality.

My Prince with our little princesses.

Yes, I am blessed with a handsome "prince" who treats me well, especially when he's healthy. But I have so many friends who are still hoping and dreaming that there is a man out there for them, while others suffer the heartbreak of love lost, and still many more live daily with a man who frustrates them to pieces.

Indeed on an especially tough day, you might catch me changing the final words in one of the girl's storybooks. For instance instead of the tale of Beauty and the Beast ending with "The Beast transforms back into the Prince, and the two live happily ever after."  I might say something like "...and the two faced many surprises in life and had to work hard to grow in love and support their family."  I know, I know, that takes some magic out of the fairytale, but sometimes it's ok to throw in a reality check. Don't you agree?

Yet, I hold out hope that she'll find a great prince because there are many wonderful mothers I know who are raising young men. Consider this my thank you, mothers of little boys. Thank you for loving on your little men and teaching them the best way you can to be respectful and thoughtful (of course I know it often doesn't seem like they're listening.) Keep at it, and we'll do our best to raise a couple gracious and loving little princesses.

And if your little man does happen to capture my daughter's hand...many, many, many years from now... I have a message for him.

He needs to buy her pearl earrings on their third Christmas together.

She requested this one night as I was putting her down to bed and she commented on my pretty pearl earrings. I told her Daddy gave them to me before she was born. She said, "When I grow up, I want my husband to buy me those earrings on our third Christmas." Duly noted, my dear. I have officially notified some potential future mother-in-laws :)

Oh my dear sweet daughter, I hope and pray that you will one day meet a wonderful prince who loves you tenderly and leads you confidently. And I hope that you'll experience the joy of motherhood.

Folic Acid is critical for Women of Child-bearing Age!

Last night, as we were getting ready for bed my five-year-old daughter asks, "Why do I have to sit on the potty every night?" I explained that everyone has to go potty every day to get rid of some of the food we eat and for her it works best to do it at night.

Because she was born with spina bifida, the nerves on her lower spinal cord never formed properly in my womb, so she has almost no control over her bladder and bowel function. This year we've developed a good "potty" routine that involves giving her an Enemeez, a mini enema, every night followed by 15-20 minutes of sitting on the potty.

After thinking about my response for a minute, Adria asked me this question. "Mommy, does anyone else in my world use Enemeez?"

I thought it was so precious how she worded that. She seems to be gradually understanding that certain things are different for her than others, but it doesn't seem to bother her much. In her world, no one that I know of uses Enemeez. However, we have met over a dozen people with spina bifida in her lifetime and most of them require crutches or a wheelchair for mobility, while she only needs leg braces.

Overall she is very healthy, but spina bifida does have a big impact on her life. In fact, it reportedly impacts nearly 166,000 Americans and about 70,000 of those have the severe type like my daughter called myelomeningocele.

This image shows what a baby with Spina Bifida (Myelomeningocele) looks like at birth.
Like most of these babies, my daughter had surgery to close this opening within 24 hours of birth.

Spina Bifida is one of the most common permanently disabling birth defects. January is actually National Birth Defects Prevention Month, and I'm a little late but January 5-11th was Folic Acid Awareness Week. I'd like to take this opportunity to share a very important message with all of you, but specifically those women of child-bearing age.

Though I love my daughter dearly and wouldn't change a thing about her, I would encourage any woman to do the best she can to prevent this from happening to her child.

Why does Spina Bifida happen?

While there are no specific known causes for spina bifida, it has been found to be most common among Hispanics and people of European decent and affects more female babies than males. According to www.spinabifia.net, obese or diabetic mothers are at a higher risk (I am neither) and some anti-seizure medications may be a factor in spina bifida occurance. Studies also suggest that mom's prolonged exposure to high temperatures, like in a hot tub, early in pregnancy contribute to causing the birth defect.

An interesting fact that I recently learned is that Scotland has a higher rate of Neural Tube Defects like spina bifida than other European countries. This is somewhat significant as my mother's family is of Scottish origin, though there is no known history of spina bifida in our families.

How to Prevent Spina Bifida

Here's the important part! While there is no specific cause, there is a proven method of PREVENTION. That is through the intake of Folic Acid prior to pregnancy.

The American Pregnancy Association recommends the following:
Spina bifida is best prevented by taking 400 micrograms (mcg) of folic acid every day. Studies have shown that if all women who could become pregnant were to take a multivitamin with the B-vitamin folic acid, the risk of neural tube defects could be reduced by up to 70%.
Folic acid is a water soluble B-vitamin that helps build healthy cells, but it does not stay in the body long. It is important that women take folic acid every day to help reduce the risk of neural tube defects. Since half of all pregnancies in the United States are unplanned, women of childbearing age – even if they are not currently planning to get pregnant – should take 400 micrograms (mcg) of folic acid every day to reduce their risk of having a child with Spina Bifida

Ironically, I remember reading in a magazine when I was a young woman about the importance of taking a multi-vitamin with Folic Acid, so I did. However, pre-natal vitamins usually have even more Folic Acid, around 800 mcg, and it's recommended that you take at least that amount daily when trying to get pregnant. I was not on a pre-natal vitamin when I got pregnant with Adria.

It's hugely important that you are taking this BEFORE YOU GET PREGNANT, because spina bifida and other Neural Tube Defects occur just 28 days after conception. That's right, by the time you know you're pregnant the spinal cord has already formed properly...or not.

Now because I have a child with spina bifida, I am 20 times more likely to have it occur again. Yikes! To significantly reduce this risk, I took 4 mg (or 4,000 mcg) of folic acid every day for several months prior to trying for #2.  I did have an early miscarriage first, but I became pregnant again and now have a super healthy two-year-old girl. Even when I'm not "trying" to get pregnant, I still take at least 1 or 2 mg of folic acid a day, just in case...

Special Alert to anyone related to my husband or me!

Genetics are a factor in the occurrence of spina bifida. Therefore, if you are in any way related to our family, you are by default at a higher risk of having this happen. Sorry about that BUT you should take extra measures like I do and regularly take high doses of folic acid, especially if you are hoping to have a baby.

This is still not a 100% guarantee to prevent a birth defect, but there is an interesting story behind the study proving that folic acid is important to this end. I encourage you to take a few minutes and watch it.

Give Babies a Chance

Having said all that, if you are like me and find yourself 20 weeks pregnant and learning after an ultrasound that your baby has a birth defect, give your baby a chance. The doctors will most likely ask you (several times) if you want to terminate the pregnancy. Please don't. Give your baby a chance. My baby is a beautiful gift and worth every ounce of extra effort!

Last summer, I met an incredible couple who had recently lost a child to Anencephaly. This is another type of Neural Tube Defect that is rare and significantly more severe than spina bifida. The baby is actually born without fundamental parts of the brain and skull, and almost all die shortly after birth. Though they knew this, the couple decided to carry the baby to full term and held their son for the short hour that he lived once born. Their story touched me as I cannot imagine that difficult experience.

A 2004 report from the Center for Disease Control claims that there has been a 27% decline in pregnancies affected by nueral tube defects (spina bifida and anencephaly) since the United States began fortifying grains with folic acid. That's a great start, but you should be intentional in folic acid intake as you prepare to get pregnant.

I know this is a lot of information, but I do hope that you take it to heart and share it with any friends or women you know of child-bearing age.

EAT FOODS HIGH IN FOLIC ACID AND TAKE A SUPPLEMENT

Now let's continue to get the word out!

She was scheduled to be born today, Sept. 2

The clock has not yet hit 4:00 a.m. as I write on this Labor Day. While I was lying awake in bed and trying to get back to sleep, I realized that five years ago today I was having trouble sleeping that morning too.

My husband and I were staying in a hotel in Newark, Del. anticipating that we would meet our precious little girl for the first time that Sept. 2 day.

We had been on a pretty wild ride that summer since first learning of Adria's spina bifida diagnosis when I was five months pregnant. Pictures show that it was a fun summer of celebrating my little brother's high school graduation, decorating the nursery, enjoying family cook-outs at my aunt's pool, and sailing on the Chesapeake Bay for the first time.

Celebrating with my siblings in summer 2008 just after my youngest brother's high school graduation, which was just a few weeks after learning about Adria's spina bifida.

Sailboat ride on the Chesapeake with Ade, two days before my scheduled C-section on Sept. 2. Yes, the people on the boat were a little nervous once I told them how soon I was due!

It was also a summer packed full of doctors visits and regular sonograms checking our baby's progress. A summer of educating ourselves on what to expect in this next phase of life. I had to look further than the What to Expect When You're Expecting and The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy books I had been reading to learn what I could about how to care for a baby with myelomeningocele spina bifida. I tried to prepare myself for what her life could be, but the unknowns were so vast.

Most of our education was gained from meeting with multiple doctors in various specialties - from high risk OB/GYNs to pediatric Neurosurgeons, Urologists, Physical Therapists, Orthopedics and more.

We transferred my care from the Annapolis maternal fetal medicine specialist to Delaware Center for Maternal and Fetal Medicine, part of Christiana Care at the Newark campus. We made this change largely for insurance reasons, because it was better to stay in state, but also because of the center's great reputation and close proximity to A.I. DuPont Children's Hospital in Wilmington, Del.

It was during this time when we learned that only six babies had been born in Delaware with spina bifida the previous year and fewer than that so far in 2008.

My doctor at DCMFM was Philip Shlossman, M.D., who we both liked because of his laid-back and often humorous bedside manner. He was critical in helping us navigate many major decisions we faced.

One major recommendation he made was that our baby girl be delivered with a scheduled C-section. Not because of any complications I was having, but this would be best to reduce and prevent further damage to the spina bifida sac and spinal cord that protruded from her lower back. The C-section would be scheduled several weeks before my actual Sept. 22 due date in order to avoid me going into labor and to ensure all the doctors needed for this special delivery would be available.

This would be a specialized team both at Christiana Hospital and A.I. DuPont Children's Hospital. The plan was for Adria to be delivered at Christiana and shortly thereafter be transferred 20 minutes up the road to the Children's hospital for her spina bifida closure surgery.

We were nervous that Sept. 2 morning but also very excited to meet our firstborn.

However, because my due date was still several weeks away, Dr. Shlossman performed an amniocentesis on me at 7:00 a.m. to test if our baby's lung were fully mature for the early delivery. They stuck a freaky big needle in my belly to get a sample of the amniotic fluid, and then we waited for what seemed an eternity but was really a couple hours for the test results.

Results came in, and baby's lungs were not quite ready... We would go home and they'd let us know when to reschedule.

Honestly, we were very disappointed. Our anticipation of meeting her was so high, and we had been planning on this date for months. I know most mom's don't get to "plan" their delivery, but still I was ready to meet her!

That night, I wrote this in my journal:

"It may seem odd to say this, but I was really hoping to be lying in a hospital bed tonight. My little baby girl was scheduled to be delivered today via C-section. Ade and I had prepared ourselves, got the house ready, and packed our bags for the next week or more expecting to be up in Wilmington while she recovered from her Spina Bifida closure surgery... Though we know that's best for her to wait, the news was hard to take after preparing ourselves for her arrival today. I  love feeling her inside me, but I am very much ready to see and hold her."

That's okay though, God already had her birthday planned and it was not for that day.

My mom took this photo the morning of Sept. 2, 2008 before we went in the hospital. I thought it would be my last pregnant photo with Adria, but I ended up having another week to get a few more.

The WORST Question I've ever been asked. The answer is NO!

This post is a follow-up to my July 18 post titled "That day at McDonalds when I got the call...that changed us."

"Do you want to terminate the pregnancy?"

This horrible question was asked to us the day after our world was rocked with the call from my OB saying that it appeared our unborn baby had a abnormality of the spine. We found ourselves sitting in the office of a maternal fetal medicine specialist in Annapolis, MD. If you have never heard of that type of specialist (like me at that time), they are the doctors who help women with high-risk pregnancies. That includes moms who’ve had multiple miscarriages, those expecting twins or more multiples, women over 35, and those of us with babies who will require extra special care.

We had asked our pastor’s wife and friend, Doris, to come with us and provide emotional and prayer support as we stepped into this unknown world.

Honestly, I felt pretty out of place as I sat in the waiting room. The other women in there all looked at least 10 years older than me and way more pregnant. At 26 years old, I was pregnant for the first time and my 5’7” frame mostly hid the fact that I was already five months along.

Here I am 5 months pregnant with my first child. This photo was taken May 17, 2008
about 2 weeks after I learned about Adria’s diagnosis.

Finally, it was our turn to talk with the genetic counselor. I had never heard of them before either, but a genetic counselor is a unique healthcare professional with training in both medical genetics and counseling who assist in educating and supporting families with high-risk pregnancies or those at-risk for complications. According to the National Association of Genetic Counselors, they discuss the medical, psychological and familial implications of genetic contributions to “diseases” by:

• Asking detailed questions about family and medical histories to consider what may have caused this issue and what’s the future likelihood
• Educating about inheritance, testing, management, prevention, and resources
• Counseling to promote "informed choices" and adjusting to the risk or condition

So there we sat, listing every member of our large families and any health challenges. Yes, there is a history of cancer and high blood pressure, but no known disabilities.  We were healthy with my only issue being a tendency to easily faint when in physical or emotional pain.

Bottom line, we had no apparent increased risk to bear a child with spina bifida, but in most cases of spina bifida there is no known family history. It can just happen.

So what is spina bifida? That came next. I’ll elaborate more another time, but in layman’s terms it’s when the baby’s spine does not form properly early on in the pregnancy and can cause the spinal cord to protrude from the baby’s back in a sac. Because critical nerves are never formed properly – spina bifida often impacts many functions of the body and can cause paralysis, lack of bladder and bowel control, fluid on the brain, educational delays, deformed limbs and more.

It affects each person differently and is actually the most common permanently disabling birth defect. There are different types, but the most common - and most severe type - is myloemeningocele. That is likely what our baby has, since we were sitting there that day.

This image shows what spina bifida (myloemeningocele) can look like on
a baby in the wound. Provided by Children's Hospital of Philadelphia website.

Deep breath. Too much information. Did not know what to say but still held out hope that they might be mistaken.

 

After all the questions and discussion, came the worst question I have ever been asked.

 

“Given this information, do you want to terminate the pregnancy?”

I liked our genetic counselor, but she may as well have asked, "Do you want to kill your baby because she's got some serious issues?"

NO! NO, NO and NO.

I thought, are you kidding me? Are you seriously asking me this horrible question just days before I will celebrate my first Mother’s Day anticipating the birth of our child. This information scares the crap out of me, Yes. But in no way does it change the level of affection I hold for the life growing inside me.

To put it into perspective, let me share an excerpt from my personal journal that I had written several weeks before that day after hearing my baby’s heartbeat for the first time.

I was in total awe and felt rather nostalgic and sentimental the rest of the day. It’s indescribable how incredible the miracle of life is. Wow, God. Quite Impressive…It feels as though the bond of carrying our child is drawing Adrian and I closer together than ever before. I know we’ll face our share of parenting issues, but there’s nothing like a life that’s formed as part of both of you out of love, to unify.

I had no idea what was to come when I penned those words in the privacy of my room. But as I read them again, they mean more to me than ever.

Genetic counselors are trained to ask that question under the guise of family planning, and from what I understand, a decent percentage of people say “Yes” when given the option to terminate after learning their “fetus” has issues. Granted, some issues are much more severe with limited life expectancy, but I still strongly believe in giving a baby the opportunity for Life.

I sit here and look at this beautiful, happy girl enjoying the Disney channel like thousands of other pre-schoolers and think how sad it is that someone would choose to deny her life and deny themselves the joy of being her parent.

After letting them know that we would continue with the pregnancy no matter what, I got to see my baby again. We went in for a level 2 ultrasound with the doctor. There on the monitor, in much higher definition was a precious, active little baby who they quickly confirmed was a girl.

Silent tears rolled down my cheek as I held my husband’s hand and looked at her.

And then I saw it clearly. Her bubble. The outline of a sac protruding from her lower back. Our baby girl had spina bifida.

Though I was afraid, I suddenly felt closer to this child inside me, realizing that life would be much different for her and us than I had ever anticipated. But I loved her even more with that knowledge.