Why I ran a Marathon again. 10 years later.

Runners from across the country, even as far away as Denmark, gathered around Miles the Monster at Dover International Speedway on Saturday morning, October 21 for the seventh annual Monster Mash Marathon.

Among them was me, Julleanna Seely - 35 year old mother of three, participating in my second full marathon exactly ten years after running my first marathon.  I was one of about 200 participants running the 26.2 mile distance through Dover and Little Creek area, while another 300 ran the 13.1 mile half marathon, with all proceeds supporting the Wounded Warrior Project.

I crossed the finish line 4 hours 49 minutes and 41 seconds after the 7:00 a.m. start. At this 11 minute per mile pace, I finished almost an hour and a half after the lead female runner but I was still pleased with the result. I was hot and barely plodding along with no runners around when I came near the end, but I was rallied on those final steps of the endurance run with cheers from my children, parents, brother and mother in law at the Finish!

Knowing my family was waiting at the finish gave me the strength to push on and keep running through those long, hot final miles. My goal was to beat the time of my first marathon, which took 5 hours and 2 seconds, so I’m happy with a finish more than 10 minutes faster. I actually ran the first half of the marathon with a great time of 2 hours 12 minutes, but at mile 16 the weariness started to hit and the second half took much longer.

Much has changed since I ran the Nike Women’s Marathon 10 years ago in San Francisco, California. At that time I was 25 and married 4 years to Adrian, but we had no children yet. Running a marathon was a life goal, even though my longest race prior to the start of training in 2007 was just a 5K, which is 3.1 miles.

I always knew I would run a marathon again, but life brought many setbacks in the years that followed.I had run some over the years since, and even completed three half marathons, but I was not a consistent runner. Earlier this year, I was feeling lazy and at my heaviest I had ever been more than a year post pregnancy. A weight-loss challenge at work in the spring kick-started my desire to get healthier and run more.

When I realized this summer that October 21 would be the ten year anniversary of my big run, I knew it was time. It was my way of facing all those hardships from the past and saying…I am not beat down. I am stronger. I am better. I can do anything with Christ who strengthens me!

In late July, I set up a training program with the Runkeeper App on my phone and went from running about 15-20 miles per month to over 70 and even 117 miles in September.

THE TEN YEARS BETWEEN MY MARATHONS

It was just a few months after the first marathon, when Adrian and I found out we were expecting our first child. It was a very exciting time until an ultrasound around 20 weeks gestation revealed that our baby had a severe birth defect called Spina Bifida, myelomeningocele.  Doctors explained how the spinal cord had not formed properly and protruded from the lower back which could result in challenges including some paralysis often requiring a wheelchair for mobility, lack of bowel/bladder control, fluid build-up on the brain, possible learning delays and much more. Then they gave us the option to terminate the pregnancy. Despite the difficult news, we had also just learned our baby was a girl, and we were prepared to love and raise her, no matter the challenge.

Today, our daughter Adria is a nine-year old third grader who is precious and loved by all who know her. She is a straight A student who is actively involved in her school and community and easily recognized walking through the halls with her colorful leg braces and big smile.

A year after Adria was born, our little family faced another difficult health surprise when my 31 year old husband had a series of three grand mal seizures, causing significant physical and mental pain. Multiple tests and years of doctors visits never pin-pointed a reason for the seizures or a cure, just lots of different medications. Adrian has continued to sporadically have seizures since, often a few times a year and going 18 months seizure free at the longest period.  They were intense and painful seizures, sometimes causing major injury and hospital visits. 

Financial struggles as a result of medical expenses and a bad housing market resulted in us selling our home in Delaware in 2010 and moving to Indianapolis, Indiana. We had some great experiences there and one of the big blessings during this season was that our sweet Adria learned to use a walker for mobility at age 2, then she took her first steps without a walker just before turning 3.

But the challenges continued in early 2011 when I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks gestation that resulted in emergency surgery – a painful and heart-breaking time.   

It was not long before I became pregnant again and beautiful baby Johanna was born at the end of that year. She was healthy and a great blessing but in the early months of her life, I found myself battling a severe case of post-partum depression. In the heart of that lonely Indiana winter, Adrian had back-to-back seizures that left him unable to help much and I spent weeks of my maternity leave crying and battling health insurance issues.

Adrian’s youngest sister came to live with us and be a Nanny to the girls, so I could go back to work. She learned to clean up Johanna's regular spit up and care for Adria’s unique needs, like catheterization and putting on her leg braces. Still, the 12+ hour distance between us and our family back in Delaware was too great.

In late summer 2012, we moved back east to a charming community in Chesterfield, Virginia where we would be just 3 hours from our parents. I worked for the same company during these moves, with my sales ability allowing fairly easy transfers within Ryan Homes, one of the largest home builders in the country. Adrian really loved life in Virginia, but when his seizures reappeared in a serious way, we knew we needed the support of family just minutes away.

Only 8 months later, I took a new job with a local home builder in the town of Greenwood where our parents live and we moved back to Delaware in spring 2013. Two years later, we were blessed with a precious baby Boy. Judah was cute as could be and brought renewed life and hope to his discouraged Daddy.

My pregnancy with him was much harder on my body than the girls and I gained a lot more weight, but he was happy and healthy and my heart was full of thanks. And then life’s challenge became balancing the demands of a special needs child in school, an energetic pre-schooler, a nursing newborn and a full-time job as sole income provider!

With Adrian’s unfailing support and expertise as a stay-at-home Dad, we found a rhythm of life and 2016 was by far the most successful sales year of my career. It was also the year we decided to build our New Home, a place we would plan to stay for many years and raise our family. A home built on the same land where Adrian ran through the woods as a child. A place of hope and healing for us.

We moved into our Dream Home in March 2017.

When summer hit, and I realized that this year marked 10 years since I took on the challenge of running a full marathon, I reflected on these last 10 years. All the pain, all the trials, all the joys, all the moves, all the unknowns, all the life they have held. I felt like this season needed a book-end. I took on the challenge of a marathon before some of life’s greatest challenges came along. I was strong enough to take on the challenge now!

So I did. I woke up at 6 a.m. three mornings a week, and I ran. And on October 21, 2017 I ran 26.2 miles (with some walking) and completed my second full marathon. It was hard, but I was victorious!

As I look to the next decade of my life, I am full of HOPE.

Hope that my husband can live a seizure-free life.
Hope that my daughter Adria can continue to succeed in school and her life pursuits, not letting spina bifida hold her back.
Hope that all my children can live and grow in a consistent, stable home environment.
Hope for my own dreams of writing more and continuing to Run. 
Thank you, God, for Hope.         

Twenty Years in the Making

This is a story about a life-long friend of mine. An amazing woman with a special miracle.

Tall and slender with a long braid draped over her shoulder, Marisha chatters away with a charming southern accent. She picks up her fussing baby girl and holds her close, allowing her to nurse while she continues to share stories and funny quips about life.

Such a simple, even typical, moment I experienced with her last month. Yet an incredible story lies behind it.

Marisha's youthful look belies the fact that she is 42 years old. And 11 month old Rachel, is her miracle child, born to her and her husband after 20 years of marriage. Incredible.

For years and years they had prayed for a child. She watched and supported her two sisters as their families grew and they experienced mothering new life multiple times.

Finally, after 15 years of marriage, Marisha conceived and carried a baby boy. She was filled with joy. She was a mother. Praise the Lord! Her prayers had been answered.

But...she never had the chance to cradle her son. At 16 weeks along, there were complications and her pregnancy suddenly ended. Rian Jonathan went to heaven on 7/23/10.

"I never thought after all the prayers for him that he wouldn't stay here. Even as I laid in the hospital room after he was stillborn, I felt the prayers of the Saints and that peace of God all night." 

Marisha shared these words about that heart-breaking night. She said she stayed awake all night because every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was the small form lying at the foot of her bed.

Now, she held the love of a mother. And the ache of love lost. But the hope and belief that one day she would be able to hold and raise her own child.

Marisha kept believing. A few years passed by. And during that time, she had to say goodbye to her own mother Joy, a woman who was a very special kindergarten teacher to me.

In spite of her losses, Marisha held onto hope and continued to pray for a baby when others doubted.

In 2012, she had a vivid dream about having a daughter named Rachel and a younger son named Ian. Another three years later, part of that dream became reality.

By the grace of God, that pregnancy test plus sign showed up again in early 2015! It was happening. She had not even received shots or special treatments leading up to getting pregnant. How exciting! But still nerve wracking as she prayed over that life inside her to grow healthy and strong.

As she was praying for the new life growing inside, a close relative had a new baby. Unfortunately, life choices left them in a situation where they were unfit to parent the baby. Marisha stepped in to help provide care. Suddenly, she was both pregnant and caring for another baby! Yes, very tiring.

Marisha knew in her heart that she was carrying her daughter. Even before the ultrasounds confirmed it, she knew because of the dream.

Her miracle baby entered the world on 9/19/2015 at full-term, a beautiful and healthy girl. At long last, Marisha and her husband held their baby Rachel Denice. More than twenty years after their wedding.

"God healed my broken heart, but it was completed when Rachel was born!"

This week Rachel turned one year old. She's mommy's girl with bright eyes and a big smile. Like any baby, she's been a lot of work. She wakes up nearly every hour or two in the night. Her tummy does not tolerate many foods, so she's still nursing regularly and only eating tiny bits.

On top of the normal demands of learning to be new mom, Marisha had a big responsibility added to her plate a few months ago. There are now two young children from the family that needed support, and Marisha is their full-time guardian. That's right, three little ones under the age of three are in her home at once! Fortunately, her mother-in-law has moved in to help.

It's a different picture than what she dreamed of life as a new mom. And some days, drain her completely, especially when rest at night is so elusive. But she is a mother. Her heart's desire has at long last has been fulfilled. For that, she gives glory and praise to God.

And still holds onto hope for a son to hold.

Marisha and her miracle baby Rachel

My 29th Birthday

February 7, 2011

Bright lights surrounded me. Voices. Activity. Hustle.

The fog lifted as I began to regain consciousness and awareness that I was lying on a gurney in an Emergency Room. This time I was not there for my husband...it was for me.

Nurses were undressing me and started to ask questions.

"When is your birthday?"

"Today." I responded groggily. "It's my 29th birthday."

The nurses were surprised and sympathetic that I was spending my birthday evening in the ER.

I looked down at my brightly colored undergarments that were currently exposed and said, "At least I wore a cute bra today." Ha! Trying to see the positive in the moment...

It had been an interesting day and weeks leading up to my unexpected hospital visit.

That morning I had given a training presentation during our weekly sales meeting. We lived in Indianapolis at the time, and I sold new homes for a national builder. In fact, we had just moved into our own new home a few weeks before.

Near the end of our sales meeting, a surprise arrived. Someone brought in a large, beautiful bouquet of purple flowers...and they were for me! An incredible birthday gift from my husband. A few tears rolled down my cheeks at his thoughtfulness.

The beautiful birthday bouquet my husband had delivered to me at work!

The guy sitting next to me said, "Now that's the reaction we hope to get!"

I was genuinely very appreciative, plus I was already super hormonal. Just three weeks before I had endured a painful miscarriage. Even though I was just 10 weeks pregnant when it happened, there was a great deal of pain and blood involved.

The problem was, the bleeding had not stopped. It had lessened, but I was trying to be tough and just let my body heal on its own. But it was not.

After the sales meeting, I went back to my office in a model home that day and waited until my late afternoon OB appt.

Warning: This part gets kind of gross!

Time for my OB visit...Let's see. How do I put this delicately? Oh whatever, let's just be real and put it out there! Maybe this story can help another young mom avoid a similar ordeal.

I had developed a major blood clot as a result of remnants from my pregnancy. For weeks after I lost the baby, I had been bleeding pretty heavy. Once my OB removed the clot, it was like a disgusting dam burst. I laid there for 45 minutes and could not get up because of it. Yep, totally gross.

The somber nurse, ironically named "Sunshine", looked a bit horrified and said she'd never seen that much blood in their office. I began to feel extremely faint.

They called Adrian to come in and said they needed to take me to the hospital next door for surgery. I asked for some extra clothes - the business suite I had on was not working for me anymore!

I fainted right after Adrian arrived. Too much blood loss. I completely passed out on the floor as they were trying to get me ready to go to the hospital. Once I regained consciousness, they attempted to help me stand and walk out. No good. I was out again. (In case you don't know, I have fainted many times over the years when in pain.)

My husband and my OB had to CARRY me out to the car and drive to the hospital right next door, since it was faster than calling the ambulance.

So there I was lying in the Emergency Room on my birthday, getting prepped for D&C surgery. Guess our dinner plans would have to wait...

The procedure was completely painless. Well, they gave me anesthesia, and I was completely unconscious for the whole thing, so that makes sense. But literally, I never had any pain from it that night or the next. It was the simplest surgery, not sure why I was so worried about it before.

We were back home around midnight and still made it out to celebrate my birthday the next night.

But it was a day that would go down in my personal history book as my most memorable birthday! 

That was 5 years ago already, but it's all so clear, I can still smell the scent of a Five Guys cheeseburger on my anesthesiologist in the Operating Room before he made me black out. Ha!

Just two months later, I became pregnant with Johanna - her name means God is gracious.

I may have spent my 29th birthday in the ER with an emergency surgery following, but it was not a ruined birthday. After all, there was that surprise bouquet delivery from my husband! Take the good with the bad.

(And it's definitely easier to share this story 5 years later.)

A Look Back at 2015

As we start a new year, I always like to reflect on the highlights of the year past...the new experiences, changes, and lessons learned.

For 2015 there is one moment, one hour really, that stands out above all the rest. 

Meeting our son, Judah. 

Just after I delivered him, they gave him a quick wipe over and handed him to me. He was perfectly adorable and for the next hour he laid on my chest - skin to skin - in that special bonding time I had heard about but never experienced like this with my daughters. I didn't know how much he weighed or how long he was, but it didn't matter yet. He was in my arms.

Yep, that was definitely the highlight of my year! But there were many other moments to remember for each of us.

Our Family of 5 Photo - November 2015

Judah

Our baby boy joined the family in late April, now 8 months old. He has been a happy, healthy boy bringing great joy to everyone in our family. He's totally Daddy's boy...they hang out all day most days. His sisters adore him and are ridiculous with the smothering of kisses. He's mostly tolerant. And Mommy thinks he's the most handsome little guy in the universe!

He's becoming a hefty dude, weighing about 20 pounds now. In just the past two weeks, he's finally mastered sitting without toppling over and has been rolling, but just today he CRAWLED for the first time! And just this week, he pulled himself up to stand in his crib. He sleeps fairly well but still likes to wake me up through the night...Yawn! His two-tooth grin and big brown eyes will melt you.

My Two Handsome Men

Johanna

Ever the spice in our family, Johanna just turned four years old in December. She has as much energy and vitality as ever. Sometimes we love it, sometimes we....well, let's just say she can get into some messes. Judah is her biggest fan; he laughs at her dancing and jumping all the time. It's pretty hilarious!

After attending preschool 2 mornings a week earlier in the year, she started going to the same school as Adria this fall 4 mornings a week. She is just one of 2 girls in a class with 12 boys (yikes), but she holds her own fine and is making friends. Her best buddy is still a girl from church who is just one day younger. Her favorite things are playing "dress-ups", play-do, going to the beach and visiting people. I often hear her saying "You're the best sister ever!" when she and Adria are playing together, then a few minutes later they're arguing...Ha! Jo-Jo is so much fun and oozes personality.

Sweet and Spunky Johanna - 4 years old

Adria

Our oldest turned seven just a week after starting first grade this fall. She struggled the first couple weeks because she missed her Kindergarten friends and routine, and all the math and reading was "so must harder." But she has excelled, made new friends and loves her teachers (we do too!) It's been a joy listening to her improve as she reads.

A couple big events from her year were playing soccer in the spring and participating in the Little Miss Apple Scrapple Pageant in October. Then, she and Johanna both did a Kids Run in Pennsylvania where she met Deena Kastor, a famous marathon Olympian.

Her health has been good overall with the Peristeen bowel program allowing her to be mostly "diaper free" for the past year. She's had some accidents at school, but the nurse takes very good care of her. We are so thankful. And her big progress in her weekly physical therapy has been that she can now hop on one foot! Amazing!!! Her latest interest is in making cooking videos. Though she sometimes laments that she is different because of her need for leg braces and catheters, she does not let spina bifida hold her back. We are so proud of her!

Bubbly and friendly Adria - 7 years old

Daddy

Adrian's year has been an interesting one. He has excelled to a new level in the sport he loves - Disc Golf. He participated in many weekend tournaments, some affiliated with the Professional Disc Golf Association (PDGA), and even WON in his division a couple times last year! 

This sport and the camaraderie with other guys has provided a great outlet from his daily duties of full-time Dad. I am always amazed at what he accomplishes in and around our home, and how he often realizes the needs of our children better than I. Adrian also assisted family members with home improvement projects, including flying down to Texas to visit his sister Angie and install flooring in her newly purchase home last fall.

Unfortunately, in 2015 Daddy's seizures returned with dramatic flare during vacation. It was craziness and upsetting, but it brought us to a new place of trying to be better prepared and more accepting of this bizarre condition we have battled for the last six years. That's right, Dec. 26 was the six year anniversary of his first seizure...it's now been a battle for half of our 12 years of marriage. We have great days and down-right terrible days, but you know, we always get up again.

Mommy

Aside from the amazing gift of carrying and delivering a child, I had some other big events this year. Work has been very busy, and I'm so thankful for that. It was a strong year for new home sales with the local Builder where I've now been for 2.5 years. Our company won a few big local awards, including being voted Best Southern Delaware Home Builder by a regional magazine! I got my 15 seconds of fame with some air time in our TV commercial, and the outlook for 2016 is good. 

From a fitness perspective, I had big ambitions to run a half marathon in October - but my body was not quite ready for that. Instead, I ran a 10K (6.2 miles) race at the Runner's World festival in Bethlehem, PA and had a great time doing it. I really love running events, but man is it hard to make time to run with 3 little ones in the house!

Our Family

We did not take a big week-long vacation in 2015, but we enjoyed several family excursions:

• The Pocono Mountains, PA in February (a trip with my company) - the girls love hotels with indoor pools and Snow
• The Shenandoah Valley, VA in June where we camped in KOA cabin - but this was the trip where Daddy had a seizure
• Dutch Wonderland in Lancaster, PA - it was a hot summer day for our first visit with the kids to this family-fun amusement park, but baby Judah was not too impressed
• Runner's World event in October in Bethlehem, PA - we girls successfully ran races, then I took the children to the Crayola museum while Daddy went disc golfing
• Christmas Lights at Longwood Gardens in December - a day trip with Granny and Grandad for one of the best light displays on the east coast

It was a year filled with great blessings yet sprinkled with challenging moments. We are ever thankful for our family and the opportunity to continue on this journey together!

Hoping you and yours have a blessed 2016.

To My 6 Month Old Son

Dear Baby Judah,

My precious little boy. You are six months old! You're halfway to your first birthday already. My heart is full of gratitude for you and the wonderful time we've had together so far. But my heart also aches for all the hours we spend apart.

You are just sooo adorable and a big boy now! With chunky monkey thighs, rolly-poly arms and the most kissable cheeks conceivable, your snuggles are the best. Your dreamy big eyes surprised everyone by turning brown like mommy's, instead of the famous Seely blue. But most everything else about you takes after Daddy, which makes you super handsome!

6 month old Sweetie Pie

Your face can instantly change from a serious stare to a wide grin that melts us all. You give your adoring sisters big smiles, especially when they jump and dance to make you laugh. You give mommy smiles and giggles when we get to talk. You have plenty of grins to share with your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. But I think you save your biggest smiles for Daddy. You two spend your days together and share a special bond. You are pretty much the center of Daddy's world right now, and he cares for you with attentive gentleness.

Mommy treasured our first months together, and it made me so sad when it came time for me to return to full-time work when you were just 10 weeks old. Even though I had to do the same thing with your sisters, it was not any easier this time. But I love walking in the door after work each day and kissing your puffy cheeks then cradling you every night in the rocking chair as you nurse before bed. Plus, I take you on all kinds of adventures when I have a day off and enjoy wearing you in our baby carrier.

Wearing baby Judah at Wallops Island with Uncle Aaron and Johanna

You have been so good to us. No illness. Rarely fussy or inconsolable. Healthy eater with some surprisingly loud toots! Of course your diet is still just mommy's milk and a little baby cereal, but we'll get into more interesting stuff soon. You don't seem to be in a rush.

You sleep well for the most part. Though you seldom allow me more than 4-5 hours of rest without waking at night, you usually fall right back to sleep after eating. You are rolling and wiggling all over now, and just starting to sit by yourself for a few seconds.

You are a priceless treasure. You bring healing to our family, both immediate and extended. So many love you and adore your chubby cuteness. We are indeed blessed by you, dear son.

With more love than I know how to express...

Mommy  

Here's a look at how you've grown...

NEWBORN BABY

1 MONTH

2 MONTHS

3 MONTHS

4 MONTHS

5 MONTHS

6 MONTHS

The Mom Bod - 5 Months after Baby

It is a strange feeling to stand in front of a mirror and not recognize the body reflecting back at you.

That's how I've felt for much of the last year but especially these past five months. There are extra curves, rolls, lumps, jiggles...everywhere it seems. The truth is, I'm still carrying around about 20 pounds more than I did last summer before I became pregnant with Judah. You might not notice it as much, but the mirror and I understand.

Last year, I shared about being a "Not-so-Perfect 10" and right now, I really miss that body. Most of my clothes don't fit right...or at all. My 7 year old daughter likes to note how I look like I'm making another baby and how my thighs are so soft and chubby. Thanks for that.

But after all, I DID just give birth to my THIRD child 5 months ago! Yes, I am cutting myself some slack. And I am not exactly trying hard to lose weight. I still eat like a horse.

I laugh when people say, "Doesn't breast-feeding help you lose weight? I thought it burns a lot of calories."

Yes, it does help your uterus get back in shape. Fortunately, my baby gut did not stay huge for long but it's still very much there. Yes, nursing supposedly burns like 500 extra calories a day. But it makes you want to EAT at least those 500 more calories too!!! I am just as hungry now as I was 8 months pregnant!

I want to exercise. Really, I do. But for some reason.... I struggle to fit that in between a full-time job, mothering 3 young children, feeding my baby, keeping house, and trying to squeeze out some time with my husband.

And silly me, right after Judah was born I signed up to run a big race. A 13.1 mile half-marathon in fact. I'm supposed to do this in October - less than a month away. What was I thinking? That my children would all sleep perfectly through the night, and I'd pop out of bed by 6 a.m. to run 5 miles? Uh huh. Definitely delusional. At this point, it looks like there's going to be a lot of walking, but I still plan to finish that race.

But I know there are many moms who get where I'm coming from. It's interesting to see all the different ways women's bodies respond to childbirth and parenting. As you likely heard, the "Dad Bod" became a thing earlier this year, so here is my break-down of the different types of "Mom Bod":

• Skinny Mom - pops out a baby and within a month or so puts on her pair of size 4 jeans with no problem. She's blessed with some ridiculous metabolism. She is really annoying to the rest of us, but we still love her. Hahaha! 
• Huggable Mom - is a curvy lady and pregnancy just added to them with extra pounds that just won't go away. Baby is a toddler now. Or maybe a high school senior. The battle with weight loss has been real but it's okay because her family loves her comforting hugs. Hopefully, she embraces the beauty in the woman she is now.
• Super-Fit Mom - carries her baby and holds onto baby weight for a few months. Then, she kicks into gear with the healthy eating program and work-out routine to get a buff body. We applaud her motivation and just ask that she please be gracious to those of us who don't have as much.
• Everyday Mom - delivered a baby and her body will never be the same. It's softer and more jiggly and covered in freckles or cellulite, but it works just fine. It may not compare to Hollywood's post-baby bodies but that's perfectly okay. 

Hi, it's me. Just another Mom trying to love her babies and her body, no matter how they change.

Know this. No matter what your Mom Bod is, your children love you. Even if they pick on you (Adria). And whether you're curvacious or rail thin, being confident and loving your own body is more important than any number on a scale. 

In truth, I am very thankful for the healthy body that God has given me. And while I do enjoy being active, at this phase in my life that activity is more focused around my children than anything else.

Love yourself today. Whether you're a mom or not, embrace the beauty in the woman that you are. Is that cheesy enough for you? I'm for real, though.

Breastfeeding and Work

Twice a day. Every day at my 9-5 job. I retreat into the basement powder room with a large black bag. About 15 minutes later, I emerge with two little bottles holding 8-10 ounces of freshly pumped Mommy's milk.

That's my life right now. And thousands of Working Pumping Moms worldwide have a similar story.

It's not easy. It's annoying. It's inconvenient. It's awkward and can be embarrassing. It's really a pain in the but to try to squeeze into a busy work day. And it makes you feel more like a cow than you ever thought possible.

(Ok I'm back. It's 5:45 a.m. and my baby boy just awoke and wanted some direct-from-the-source milk!)

So why do we go through all this hassle?

It is the best nourishment we can offer our babies. It is healthy for both mom and baby. It has proven long-term benefits for the life of our child. It allows us to keep up that special nursing bond when we are home.

Today marks the last day of World Breastfeeding Week - yeah, I just realized that's a thing. This year's theme is BREASTFEEDING AND WORK: LET'S MAKE IT WORK!

It's literally a global initiative to support women in combining work and breast-feeding. Shoot, I could be the poster child for this campaign!

With each of my three children, I returned to my full-time profession outside the home when they were about 10 weeks old. My 14 week old son has had nothing but Mommy's milk to date. I pumped for and nursed both my 3 and 6 year old daughters most of the first year of their lives.

My handsome little 3 month old.

And I have to admit, I love that my boobies are able to provide my children life-sustaining food. It's one of the amazing miracles of life that I don't fully understand. My baby cries and "Poof!" my chest is suddenly 2 pounds heavier and full of milk. Seriously, how does that happen?

But don't get me wrong, nursing is no walk in the park. No one can prepare you for the pain and rock hard boobs when your milk comes in for the first time a couple days after baby is born. And then there's the latching issue. And the sore nipples. And the leaking milk on your bed sheets at 3 a.m. Am I getting too personal here? Just trying to be real. These are issues that like 99% of nursing moms have endured.

Enduring is what it takes to be a nursing mom, especially a Working Pumping Mom. Three babies later, I continue to believe it's worth it.

When I get home, I give my husband and daughters a kiss then sit down to breastfeed my son. It's a great way to unwind and enjoy quality baby time. And the highlight of my day is quietly rocking him and nursing with bedtime lullabies playing just before I say goodnight.

That said, please don't get too upset if nursing did not work for you or your baby. That's totally fine and I have tons of friends with perfectly healthy formula-fed babies and children. Plus, you should know that I have to start supplementing with formula when baby is 4-5 months old because I can't keep up with the feeding demands.

I just want to encourage mommies who are maybe struggling with nursing, especially early on, to stick with it because it will get easier. And yes, you can work full-time and successfully breastfeed your baby.

If you do return to work and become a pumping mom...just be prepared for lots and lots of bottle cleaning and maybe a few awkward encounters in the office.

Just to dispel the mystery, here's the Black Bag after use.
Lovely, isn't it...

Maternity Leave is Over

It was wonderful. So very wonderful.

I said it a hundred times, and I'll say it again. Judah was born at the perfect time to give his Mama about the best maternity leave she could have hoped for. And, he's been more healthy and content than I could have ever dreamed.

Thank you, God. Thank you, Judah. 

You gave me something I haven't had since I married Adrian (cough...almost 12 years ago!) - Ten glorious weeks of NO working and fun, freedom and family time.

Yes, I have been on maternity leave twice before with my daughters. But, as I have mentioned, they were both special yet very stressful times. Adria was born with myelomeningocele spina bifida and required major back surgery at a day old followed by a two week stay in the NICU and numerous follow-up doctor visits. Johanna was born in the cold winter while we lived in Indianapolis, 600 miles from the support of our families, and Adrian had 3 major seizures while I was on leave so he barely even remembers Jo-Jo as a newborn.

Even though Adrian did have a very unexpected seizure, exactly two weeks ago, I did not let that steal the beauty of what I've experienced these last two months.

Our Adventures

Since Judah was just a few days old, I have had him out and about joining me for many adventures and events, including:

• Adria's Sunday afternoon soccer games in May
• Johanna's Pre-K field trip to the Salisbury Zoo
• Adria's Field Trips to Cape Henlopen State Park and Funland in Rehoboth
• Strawberry Festival at Fifer Orchards
• Mom's night out dinner at the Cultured Pearl
• Kindergarten Field Day for Adria
• End of the Year school programs for both the Girls
• Beach Day with 3 other young families
• Date night with Daddy to Passwater's Restaurant at Heritage Shores
• My cousin Shannon's high school graduation and party
• Cabin camping trip to the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia
• The wedding reception for my second cousin
• A funeral for the grandmother of some dear friends
• Church and small group gatherings
• Moving party, birthday party, library luau party
• Plus, many outings to local parks and my aunt's pool

Mommies and our babies out and about at a party.
Baby Ethan on left was about 4 months, Judah was 2 months, and the Baby on right was just 3 days old!

As you can see, we did not really sit at home and relax for 10 weeks. I took advantage of the time to do many of these activities I would have otherwise missed had I been working. And Judah was with me everywhere I went. Either in my ErgoBaby carrier, the stroller, the wagon, in my arms or someone else's...he was my adorable sidekick.

Sometimes I had to get creative or uncomfortable finding a place to nurse the little man. And sometimes he got mad about being in the car seat again. But overall, we had a great time adventuring together!

I actually did stay home some days. But I quickly learned that it's exceptionally difficult to keep a house in some semblance of cleanliness when you have three children at home. And we are a unique couple because Adrian is definitely better at keeping house than I am. That said, I did much more cleaning than I do when I'm working full-time, while Adrian took advantage of his "free time" to complete many projects outside the house.  

Maternity leave was wonderful. But it is over. Far too soon.

With my babies just before I left for work yesterday.

Yesterday was my first day back to work. Of course I shed a few tears the night before as I put Judah to bed, knowing that he and I would be apart longer than we had ever been before. And, Adria cried on my shoulder in the morning while Johanna asked how long I would be gone. It was so sad to leave my babies. Okay, I'm sitting here sobbing now.

Thankfully, I have a great job that I do enjoy (most days) and leaving is made easier knowing that the children are left in the care of family who love them. Adrian's mom came over to help him for the day.

My Job

In case you are wondering, I work as a New Home Sales Specialist and Marketing Manager for a custom home builder. Next month marks eight years since I first started in this career with national builder Ryan Homes, and I've been with my current employer for two years now. It's been a remarkably wild and fluctuating housing market since 2007, but business has been especially good this past year as I've watched the market greatly improve.

My first order of business after following up with all of my clients is to complete the project I started earlier this year...rolling out a new website!

Probably the funniest moment of the day was having to tell my male boss and co-worker that I breast feed and will need 15 minutes twice a day to "do my thing" (I just couldn't bring myself to say "express milk")...awkward. Haha! It's all good. Been there, done that.

I thank you for your prayers for me and my family as Mommy returns to work. Yesterday went very well for us all. The day went by fast for me, and Judah was a champ. We can do this.

Seriously though, it is hard to say goodbye to this...

Does Baby Sleep All Night?

"Does he sleep all night?"

This is the question I have heard the most since our son was born over six weeks ago.

No. The answer is No. 

In fact, I'm writing this around 3:30 a.m. because I couldn't get back to sleep after his 2:30 feeding and his 3 year old sister Johanna is having a rather restless night's sleep as well.

But in my experience, it's pretty rare for baby's less than two months old to sleep through the night. They are growing so rapidly at this point and need regular nourishment...throughout the day and night.

That said, when I get the other common question, "Is he a good sleeper?" 

I say, "Yes!"

People ask these questions because pretty much every parent has been there. Disrupted sleep is one of the first major challenges of parenthood. But, we should not have to suffer through sleepless nights too often.

Our baby Judah goes to bed for the night around 10 p.m. Typically, he sleeps 3-4 hours before he awakens crying and hungry around 2 a.m. I rock him and nurse for about 20 minutes then return him to his crib, where he falls back asleep for another 3 hours or so. He's up again around 5 a.m. to feed then up at 8 a.m. to nurse and get dressed for the day.

While I am awake a few times each night with Judah, I say he is a good sleeper because he wakes at regular times and falls right back to sleep after I feed him (usually). I don't have to sing, rock or hold him for hours at night.

Soon, I believe the distance between his nighttime feeding will get longer and eventually he will sleep all night on a regular basis.

Transition to the Crib

Just a week ago, we made the big transition to move him from the small cradle in our bedroom to his own crib in the nursery. The first couple nights, he did not like it as much but has settled in now.

Judah's sisters love on him during his first week home.
He slept in this cradle by our bed for his first 5 weeks.

I do miss the sounds of his cute baby coos and breathing, and it was much easier to just pick him up and lie in bed to nurse when he's right there. However, Judah can be pretty noisy, making it hard for us to rest well. It's especially important that his Daddy sleep well, since lack of sleep has been an apparent trigger for seizures in the past.

So, Judah sleeps in his own room now with a cheap, old baby monitor letting me know when he wakes up. It's the same one I used for Adria six years ago. I actually bought a video monitor when Judah was born, but after trying it out, I decided it wasn't worth $170. I know some parents love them, but I never really needed it before.

Judah taking a nap in his crib. He sleeps on his back at night, but naps better on his belly.
We can keep a close eye on his during the day.

Precious sleeping boy

I share all this about Judah's sleep patterns because getting your baby on a good sleep schedule is one of the most critical aspects of keeping your sanity as a parent.

Advice for Good Sleepers

For new parents, I have a few pieces of advice for helping your baby to sleep better:

1. Don't sleep with your baby!

If there is any advice I hope you take from me, it is this: Do not sleep with your baby! Aside from it being dangerous for your baby, it is the number one way to ensure that neither of you will get a good night's sleep. Sure, baby might cry less at first when he's in bed with you, but he will quickly become dependent on you and not able to develop good sleep patterns. I have heard of this issue with many young parents and even extreme cases where their 8 year old still wanted to sleep in the parent's bedroom! Spare yourself and help your marriage and your baby by heeding this advice.

My exception to this rule is in the morning. After Judah's 5 a.m. feeding, I'll often keep him in bed for extra snuggles :)



2. Schedule naps at the same time every day

Good sleep patterns at night start with a good schedule during the day. In the first weeks of life, babies generally sleep A LOT. Some days it seemed that Judah only awoke to eat and went right back to sleep. But now he's awake more and takes a nap in the morning and a long 3-4 hour nap most afternoons. I'm still developing a good Sleep, Eat, Awake schedule for him (since I have him out and about too often...), but I know that when babies get regular rest during the day they sleep better at night.

3. Create a night-time routine

Just as with the day schedule, it's important to create an environment and routine at night that let's baby know it's time to sleep. Ideally, lie baby down in the same place and at the same time every night. I'm just starting the following routine with Judah, now that he's in the nursery:

• Change his diaper and clothes
• Turn the lights down low in his room
• Play a CD of quiet lullabys (most parents probably have a playlist on their iPod or phone these days)
• Rock him while he nurses
• Lay him down in the crib before he's completely asleep (if possible)

It's best if baby is not dependent on being held to fall asleep, but don't let that stop you from enjoying this special time!

4. Let him cry a little

If you have done all this and baby is fussy in bed, it's okay to let him cry a little while trying to fall asleep. Full on screaming and wailing will need your attention, but sometimes it's good to give baby a few minutes to learn to calm himself. And during the night as baby gets older, he might make fussy sounds but don't pick him up right away. Wait a few minutes to see if he's really waking up to feed or just between sleep cycles.

5. Be Relaxed

The more relaxed you can be while feeding your baby (whether bottle or breast) before bed and during the night, the better chance he will relax. If you are tense and upset, your baby will sense that and likely act the same. Try to focus on the wonderful miracle of life that you're holding, not how exhausted you are because this child is being difficult! I know this is no easy task at times.

Just My Opinion

You can take it or leave it, but these are my words of wisdom after having three babies. Our girls have been great sleepers through the years, and I attribute it to these tips.

Of course, some days I am the biggest offender of my own advice. I take the kids here and there with no care or worry about baby's schedule, just making sure he gets fed! Life's no fun if you're too rigid, but keeping some type of schedule definitely helps create order. And it's especially helpful when it comes to answering the question....

Does your baby sleep all night?

Big Sisters

These two little girls are so in love with Baby Brother... usually.

Sometimes they literally smother him with kisses and other times the videos and games on the iPad are much more interesting.

But they are clearly disappointed by one thing. He's growing too fast!

Yesterday, 6-year-old Adria said, "Mom, he's so 'uncute' compared to when he first came out of your belly. He's getting so big!" And then she let out a few rather pitiful sobs. Another night she saw me holding him and remarked, "He was so precious and little when he was born. He's growing too fast!"

When Judah was first born, just over five weeks ago, 3-year-old Johanna would often say, "Ah, he's so precious, Mom. Awww, he's so cute!"  Now, she says he has a big belly ;)

The "Smother Brother" kisses

It is true, our little man has grown and changed so much over the past two weeks. The Newborn size clothes that were a perfect fit early on, are now packed away, and Judah is filling out the 0-3 months clothes quite nicely...for now.

I knew it would happen this fast. I've seen it twice before. And still, I wish we had just a little more time in that adorable newborn phase when babies are so tiny. Yet, I'm thankful for a happy, healthy growing baby. Who is still super cute, I might add.

Daddy's photo shoot of Judah, just over a month old

Judah's big sisters have had much to say about him and babies, since his arrival. Here are a few sayings I thought were especially cute:

• "Mom, do all baby Men have such hairy ears?" Adria noticing Judah's fuzzy ears.
• "He has the cutest little but ever!" Adria exclaimed after watching me change Judah when he first came home. This was followed by a shriek and, "Baby boy pee-pees are gross!!!" (waahahahahaahaa!)
• "Mama, did you hold Jo-Jo lots and lots when I was baby?" Johanna says as she sees me rocking baby brother.
• "I'm going to have twins when I grow up!" Adria said. My reply, "Haha! That's up to God."
• Her response, "I'm so glad He gave us a little brother like we wanted. Thank you!" Then she blew a kiss toward heaven.
• "Ahhh, baby brother is getting all your lovins'. I wish I got more." Adria said after she saw me give Judah dozens of kisses on his cheeks. Of course, then I had to give her a kiss attack! There may be a wee bit of baby jealousy.
• "Mom, is his belly button all better?" Johanna asked after his umbilical cord came out around 2 weeks. The still attached cord clearly bothered them.
• "This baby makes our family even cuter!" Adria said. 

It's pretty fun and entertaining to have two little "mamas" around to "help" with their brother. They are usually good, but they both seem convinced that they can pick him up...which this mama does not allow! And their affections can get rather overbearing.  But I know they just want to show their love.

I do hope they enjoy it, because he's just going to keep growing and changing faster than they want! Faster than I want too, but it's all part of the parenthood adventure.

Mommy and her precious babies

Speaking of growing, Judah is sleeping in his nursery crib for the first time tonight instead of the cradle in our bedroom. Here's to hoping it goes well, and that I'll just be up the normal 2 to 3 times a night to feed him and not more!

Treasured Times

Judah is 3 weeks old today! If I'm totally honest, I cannot believe how "easy" these first few weeks with Baby Judah have been. He's already been to the Zoo, the Beach, and a Strawberry Festival (since Mama has recovered well.)

Now before you get jealous or annoyed at our good fortune, hear me out.

I look at him now, sleeping peacefully in the small cradle by our bed with an adorable head full of dark hair, precious closed eyes, perfect little lips, and a pudgy nose that clearly comes from my side of the family. I look at him and have a heart full of gratitude.

Daddy and Judah relax with some skin to skin time.

We have a son. A healthy, calm-tempered, beautiful baby boy.

He sleeps well and often. He nurses like a champ and has since the day he was born. He rarely spits up or has massive diaper blow-outs. His skin is dark, clean and clear. His eyes are wide and alert when he's awake. He's pretty patient with his adoring older sisters. What more could a mother ask for?

Precious baby Judah

As the mother of three children, I know that it's not always this good. And I know that this precious newborn phase lasts ever so briefly. Some parents are relieved when it passes because it can be so difficult. But this time around, I want so desperately to treasure this sacred time. Especially since this will likely be the last time I ever experience this phase.

My expectation was that these first few weeks would be so difficult. That's how I remember them with my daughters. They were precious times too but they came with so much more drama. And when I hold Judah, I cannot help but compare his first couple of weeks with his older sisters...

Johanna was born in December in Indianapolis, In. We were 600 miles from our families, though they did come out to visit and help as they could. The support network was so much smaller out there than what we've experienced here, and I felt sad that so few people had the chance to meet Johanna the first month of her life.

While Johanna was an adorable baby, she struggled more with nursing at first and spit up A LOT. I was constantly changing her...and myself. She was very restless at night and kept us awake many nights.

But the most difficult memories about her first weeks and months of life was the fact that it was the worst "season" of Adrian's seizures. During the two months I was home on maternity leave, my husband had three grand mal seizures that left him impaired physically and mentally. Because of that, he has almost no memory of holding her as a baby :( And in truth, he did not hold her much.

And I struggled with the Baby Blues. Maybe it was because of the seizures, or the challenges with Jo-Jo, or the dreary winter weather, or the on-slaught of medical bill issues that arose in the midst of it all. Whatever the case, I battled post-partum depression for the majority of the first year of Johanna's life.

Welcoming Baby Johanna in December 2011

Adria holding baby sister Johanna for the first time.

Adria was born in September in northern Delaware. The first two weeks of her life, she and I were both recovering from surgery, my C-section and her spina bifida back closure. We spent every day sitting in the NICU at A.I. duPont Hospital watching her and as she improved, we gently held her and tried to avoid getting tangled in the wires connected to our tiny girl.

We spent our nights sleeping across the street at the Ronald McDonald House. I don't think we drove the 1.5 hours home at all in the first 12 days of her life. We didn't want to leave our baby that long.

Daddy with baby Adria soon after her birth.

We were inundated with information about her spina bifida: the need to monitor the fluid on her brain, how to catheterize her if needed, watching for leg movement, and when she would be able to lie on her back once her wound healed.

It was overwhelming at times, yet still we felt thankful as we heard stories of what other parents were experiencing with their babies in the NICU. Some had been there for more than four months already.

Treasured Times

Now, we have Judah who has been such a healthy boy. Our love for him is certainly no more than his sisters, but we sure do appreciate how good he's been to us! Plus, we have been so blessed with meals and gifts from our friends, family and neighbors. What a treat! Tonight I cooked dinner for the first time since he's been born.

As I hold another little baby in my arms, I try desperately to impress on my memory these treasured times. And I enjoy the ease of holding Judah without worrying about wires or back wounds or getting regularly covered in spit-up.

But most of all, I love watching his Daddy and sisters hold him and love on him. Seeing them so happy with this little guy is beautiful. 

Sisters loving on the Baby Brother they had hoped for!

I hope Judah keeps his relaxed and chill demeanor throughout his life. Of course, I know quite a few toddler and pre-school boys and realize there is a lot of adventure to come!

Nursing, Pumping, Working Mom

The Black Bag has emerged.

For almost three years it hid inside an old diaper box, untouched and gladly forgotten. But at 3:30 a.m. a few nights ago, my husband went rummaging through our attic to find it. I needed it...so badly.

I have a love/hate relationship with this Bag. I have spent hours of my life alone with it. Secretly in a bathroom or behind locked doors in a basement.

At first glance, it looks like an oversized purse.

The Black Bag

But upon closer inspection, you'll find that it has a motor, a plug, long and thin clear tubes, and a pair of cone-like contraptions with bottles. What is this Black Bag?

My Medela Breast Pump.

Medela Breast Pump in Judah's nursery

I should have given it a name. Like Bessie or something, but then that's just ridiculous. This week I have been so thankful for it. As a mama with a newborn baby, one of the more painful post delivery experiences is the "milk coming in" and engorged breasts. (I'm just being real here.) If you're a new mom, just be prepared. It's this miraculous gift God gives us, but wowsers can it hurt at first! Don't worry, it lessens in time.

Right now, I'm only using the pump once a day...for relief and to begin to build up my Mommy's Milk supply for when I return to work in July. So far, one week old Baby Judah has not used a bottle, getting all of his nourishment directly from the source. Me!

Happy, healthy 1 week old Judah

But it was a much different story with our firstborn daughter Adria.

Mommy's Milk for Adria

She was born with spina bifida, L4-5 myelomeningocele, which required that she have major surgery at a day old to put her lower spinal cord back in place and close the opening on her back. This meant that she was separated from Mommy just a few hours after her birth and I did not see her again for more than 3 days (I still cry thinking about it...)

Adria at one day old after her spina bifida closure surgery

I had never breastfed, but I was determined to give it my best try even though I knew she likely would not be able to nurse from me for the first week of her life. And so my relationship with the Breast Pump began soon after she was delivered via C-section.

I was so paranoid that it wouldn't work. Some friends had shared difficult stories of how their babies struggled with "latching on" or their milk supply just couldn't keep up with baby's needs. And that was with "normal" healthy babies.

From the start, I began pumping every 3 hours. Religiously. Day and night. My body was confused. I had never labored and there was no baby around me to spur on the milk. For days I literally just got a few drops each time I pumped. So discouraging. But still, my mom or husband would transport those drops from my hospital to the children's hospital where Adria was in the NICU recovering from her surgery. And she would get a few drops of Mommy's liquid gold.

Daddy feeds baby Adria a small bottle with a few drips of Mommy's Milk.

Once I was sitting in the NICU loving on our newborn, my body got the hint and kicked into gear. Big time. Soon the supply flooded in, and I felt like I had two watermelons on my chest!

I was so excited when I could finally try to nurse Adria directly. I had to be so careful not to touch or hurt the wound on her back. It took effort, but she caught on and at just 3 months old she was a 16 pound baby!

Holding and feeding baby Adria for the first time.

Back to Work

With both of my daughters I returned to work full-time after about 9 weeks of maternity leave and continued to breast feed. I plan to do the same with Judah.

I nursed Adria for the first full year of her life and made it to about 9 months with Johanna. I am a firm believer in "breast is best" and the incredible health value of Mommy's milk for her babies. That said, I know it can be so difficult getting started and genuinely does not work for some mothers. I encourage women to try their best, but don't get discouraged or overly stressed out. If it doesn't work, that's okay. There are many healthy formula-fed babies out there!

And continuing to nurse when you go back to work is no joke.

I felt like the bag lady going into the office every day. My laptop bag, my purse, my lunch bag, my small cooler for the milk, and the Black Bag breast pump. Then twice a day, I would try to find 15-20 minutes to go into hiding and "express".

Some days, I would be in long appointments with clients and not have the chance to pump. Those days were awful. I'd be sitting there trying not to double over in pain as I was selling a new home. I mean really, what was I going to say?

"Would you excuse me, please? I need to go pump. My boobs are getting huge and killing me!" Yeah....

But I kept at it as best I could, bringing home fresh bottles of Mommy's milk everyday for Daddy to give our daughters. After a few months of pumping at work, my supply couldn't keep up and he would have to use formula to supplement.

The benefits of breast feeding ultimately outweighed the annoyance of pumping: promotes healthy babies with stronger immune systems, saves money on costly formula, and helps your body get back in shape with the 500 or so calories a day it burns.

But keep in mind, in order to keep milk supply strong, you've got to eat sizable healthy meals and drink lots of water. Just like when you were pregnant, your body is still sustaining another human life. How awesome is that!?

Pumping Advice

If you are new to this and in the market for a breast pump, I highly recommend Medela brand. If you're going to be using it daily, like I do, invest in a great one!

I use the Medela "Pump In Style Advanced", which I purchased about 7 years ago and am still successfully using with our third baby. You can get them at Babies R Us, Walgreens, Target and a few other places. It's about $250, but trust me on this, it's worth every penny.

Also, you need to know how long breast milk lasts in different settings. Here is a good, general guide from the CDC website:

Storage Duration of Fresh Human Milk for Use with Healthy Full Term Infants

Location	Temperature	Duration	Comments
Countertop, table	Room temperature (up to 77°F or 25°C)	6–8 hours	Containers should be covered and kept as cool as possible; covering the container with a cool towel may keep milk cooler.
Insulated cooler bag	5-39°F or -15-4°C	24 hours	Keep ice packs in contact with milk containers at all times, limit opening cooler bag.
Refrigerator	39°F or 4°C	5 days	Store milk in the back of the main body of the refrigerator.
Freezer			Store milk toward the back of the freezer, where temperature is most constant. Milk stored for longer durations in the ranges listed is safe, but some of the lipids in the milk undergo degradation resulting in lower quality.
Freezer compartment of a refrigerator	5°F or -15°C	2 weeks
Freezer compartment of refrigerator with separate doors	0°F or -18°C	3–6 months
Chest or upright deep freezer	-4°F or -20°C	6–12 months
Reference: Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine. (2004) Clinical Protocol Number #8: Human Milk

Now that I've shared way to much personal information, I hope that someone has found this helpful...or at the very least, amusing. Speaking of pumping, my little man better wake up hungry sometime soon or I'm going to have to hang out with the Black Bag again.