The Day my Dad's Heart Stopped

People say it. Don’t take loved ones for granted, you never know when it’ll be the last time you see them.

My Mom and Dad looing good on Friday, March 2,

two days after he came home from hospital.

It was two weeks ago Monday night when I called my Dad, after taking the girls to their gymnastic's class. He told me about their busy weekend visiting my sister and family in Vermont – a funeral, a basketball game, a birthday party and more. He sounded happy but tired. They had just gotten home around 6:00 that night.

I asked him what they were doing the upcoming Friday night. Would they feel up for hosting a sleepover with all 6 of their grandkids??? My sister was planning to come down for a few days of the kid’s winter break. He chuckled and asked Mom. Dad said, “Judah too? Yeah, yeah we could try that and see how it goes.” He treasures his grandchildren, who are ages 2-11 with tons of energy and personality.

That conversation would replay in my head for the next few days, as I wondered if it would be the last time I ever talked to my Dad.

Early the next morning on February 20, my Dad’s heart stopped beating.

I had just returned from a 5 mile run and was getting ready for work, when I got the news. My husband walked in with an awful look on his face. “Cam called, your Dad went into cardiac arrest!”

“NOOOOOOOOOO! GOD NO,” I yelled.

Many of you have experienced a moment like this. When you get that awful news that makes it hard to even function. To breathe. Yet you must.

As I ran out the door, my daughters were worried about what was happening. I just said, “Grandpa is sick and needs mommy’s help.” I was so afraid they might not see him again… I drove to my parent’s house, praying and trying not to freak, trying to drive safe, calling my sister.

In the distance I saw their home. Emergency vehicles crowded the driveway. I drove up on the lawn and ran inside. Police officers, EMTs and other responders were everywhere inside.

“Where’s my Dad? How’s my Dad?” They looked at me. I could see in their eyes, it was not good.

Mom stood helpless in the foyer. “He had a heart attack,” she said with numbness and fear. They asked us to step back, “You shouldn’t see him like this,” an officer said as the emergency personnel struggled to carry my Dad down the steep flight of stairs.

Mom, my brother Cameron, and I huddled in a circle and cried as they loaded Dad into the ambulance. The neighbor and first responder, Philip Schrock, told us he had a heart rhythm and was breathing but it was weak. And they were off.

As I waited for Mom and Cam to get dressed, I called Dad’s only sister, my dear Aunt Bon. She shrieked and immediately left work. I called my youngest brother Aaron. Then I quickly shared a public plea on Facebook, “Pray for my Daddy!!! Just had a heart attack.” And you did. Hundreds of you responded.

At the Nanticoke hospital ER, they sent Mom, Cameron and I to a private waiting room. Our numbers gradually increased as family, pastors and a few friends arrived. We waited and sobbed. We prayed.

Dr. Ferber came to the door. It’s hard to recall exactly what he said, but basically that Byron had gone into cardiac arrest and his heart went into a type of arrhythmia that is often the final beats of the heart before death. They had to shock his body twice with a defibrillator to get his heart beating again before leaving the house. His heart stopped again in the ambulance, so they shocked him a third time on the way to the hospital.

The doctor said that it was largely the quick response calling 911 and beginning chest compressions that made the difference of Dad still having a heart beat.

My Dad, sedated in the ICU the day

of his cardiac arrest

You see, mom had awaken around 7:30 a.m. to a blanket being tossed over her. She then saw Dad’s eyes were rolled back and he wasn’t breathing right. Immediately, she yelled for my brother Cameron to call 911. As he was on the phone, they instructed him to take Dad off the bed and begin chest compressions. Within minutes, the neighbor Philip was there responding to the call and took over giving CPR. They saved Dad’s Life.
Around 9 a.m. at the hospital, Dad was sedated and his heart was beating but less than half the strength it should. They would take him to ICU and begin hypothermic treatment that would cool his body to 91 degrees, decreasing the oxygen needed for the body to recover and reducing the risk of brain damage. At this point, they could not tell if he’d had a stroke or if there would be brain injury. Noone knew what to expect, but this was the best they could do for him…

We stayed at the hospital all day. People came to comfort and support. We totally took over the ICU waiting area. Would our Dad make it? How long would it take for him to come back to us? Would he be able to talk, to walk? So many unknowns.

And then it happened. To our amazement and absolute delight, just two days later on the morning of February 22, 2018 Dad opened his eyes. Talk about a moment of sheer joy and hope!!!  

Mom and my sister Lilli cry tears of joy as they see Dad's eyes opened on Feb. 22.

I was at the hospital with my Mom, husband and all 3 siblings. What tears of relief were shed!

The other day, my Mom and Dad told me that it was on February 22, 1974…exactly 44 years before the day of his awakening…when my Father became a Christian, asking Jesus to be his Lord and Savior. Amazing. Mom calls it MIRACLE DAY!

My husband was a faithful supporter to mom and dad during his hospital stay.

Adrian would stay there for hours some days while I had to go to work.

The following Tuesday, my Dad improved enough to have an operation for a Biventricular ICD a.k.a. a pacemaker on his heart. And the next day, Dad came Home!

My Dad weeps as he hugs my three little ones,

his grandchildren, on the day of his homecoming.

During the 9 days that he was in the hospital, I provided daily updates of his progress on Facebook, he had dozens of visitors, friends brought food and cleaned my parent’s home, and hundreds…maybe thousands…of prayers were lifted on his behalf. An entire community network was lifting us all up.
Especially the Sunday after his cardiac arrest, when my older sister experienced a serious fainting incident at church, likely stress induced, that resulted in paramedics arriving on the scene and her being transported to the same hospital where Dad was recovering. They treated her for a few hours in the ER, then she came to stay at my house for the night.

So it’s official, my Dad and sister Lillian have joined the “Fall Down. Up Again” team!!

What exactly caused my Dad’s cardiac arrest is unknown, but they suspect that his heart had been weakening for years. My Dad has been a plumber for 36 years, crawling in damp spaces under homes and breathing in potent glues. He has struggled with coughing fits and bouts of bronchitis over the years that likely put extra strain on his heart. The doctors say the prognosis looks good with his pacemaker now.

He is one of the fortunate ones, they said. Almost 95% of people who experience the severity of cardiac arrest that my Dad endured, do not get a second chance. And when they do, it’s rare to come through it with relatively little permanent damage.

He has diet and lifestyle changes to embrace, along with rehab and physical therapy. His biggest challenge since being home is the pain in his chest from a cracked rib, which is the result of the CPR and fairly common. He is emotional and overwhelmed with gratitude for the support and still appreciates your prayers.

My Dad, Byron Outten, is the best father a girl could hope for, he has an incredibly generous spirit and is known for being there to support people in their final hours. He is great man of God, and we are so Thankful that he is still here to spread more love.

Now that he’s healing, I can tease him, “Was the idea of having all six of your grandchildren spend the night that overwhelming??? You didn’t have to go and have a heart attack!”

With my Dad on Tuesday, February 27, the day he got his

pacemaker and a week after his cardiac arrest

My mom, Lorna Outten, read this verse the day after Dad’s cardia arrest when he was still sedated….

Psalm 41:1-3

“Oh, the joys of those who are kind to the poor! The Lord rescues them when they are in trouble. The Lord protects them and keeps them alive. He gives them prosperity in the land and rescues them from their enemies. The Lord nurses them when they are sick and restores them to health.”

Merry Christmas 2017

Christmas Eve.

It's a quiet evening at home with my family. Just the five of us. Munching on snacks, watching movies, and maybe a little dancing around the Christmas tree later.

When I was a little girl I used to love dancing to carols in the soft light of the tree, so my kids are learning to enjoy this simple thrill. Daddy had to put soft pads on the coffee table feet because we keep moving it out of the way, and though our laminate floor is fairly scratch resistant, we should at least try to be careful...

It's our first Christmas in our new Home.

Family Christmas Photo courtesy JCP Portrait Studio.

It was not a great experience but the pictures turned out nice.

And to all those who had to ask for our new address for Christmas cards...again...I'm really hoping you won't have to ask that question for many, many years. Maybe ever???

That was our big news for 2017. Building our new home on the Seely family farm where Adrian grew up. Of course, we had Bay to Beach Builders construct the home and we love it! We got the keys on St. Patrick's Day, March 17, and have been working on getting settled in ever since.

About a month later, we celebrated Judah's 2nd birthday on our backyard deck. He's grown so much since then that people rarely believe me when I say he's only two. He is still passionate about tractors, monster trucks, fire engines, and pretty much anything on wheels. Daddy has trained him well to have good manners, often saying Please, Thank you and "Are you OK?"  Judah's sisters love him dearly, as long as he's not messing with their toys or games (which is fairly often...)

Big sister Johanna just turned 6 in early December. She is as energetic and vibrant as ever, making friends everywhere she goes. Kindergarten is going well and it's great watching her learn to read and write. Sometimes all that energy makes it hard for her to sit still in class, especially when talking with her two buddies. Her sweet smile took on a new look when she lost both her front teeth the same week at the beginning of the school year.

Biggest sister Adria is now a 9 year old third grader! She just had a very busy month as she participated in the local High School theatrical production of Miracle on 34th Street, which she absolutely loved. She continues to excel in school, earning straight A's and Student of the Month honors. The teachers and school staff continue to amaze me with how they care for her and her unique needs, even buying her a special scooter to help with her long walk to the playground.

Mommy's big accomplishment for the year was training for and running a full marathon - 26.2 miles on October 21, starting at the Dover Downs Speedway. It was very difficult but motivating, so I ran a half marathon on Johanna's birthday, Dec. 2, and finished the 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 10 minutes. Otherwise, I stay busy selling new homes full time and raising these three kiddos.

Johanna - 6, Adria - 9, Judah - 2

Daddy's year has been very active with moving into the new home and spending countless hours on landscaping and trying to make a once heavily wooded property, a beautiful lawn. When Adrian is not busy cleaning house and caring for the little ones, he gets out disc golfing and has recently become more interested in hunting, both shot gun and bow.

We give thanks to God for His blessings this year. May you have a blessed Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

With Love,
The Seelys

Christmas Eve in our Living Room

 

Why I ran a Marathon again. 10 years later.

Runners from across the country, even as far away as Denmark, gathered around Miles the Monster at Dover International Speedway on Saturday morning, October 21 for the seventh annual Monster Mash Marathon.

Among them was me, Julleanna Seely - 35 year old mother of three, participating in my second full marathon exactly ten years after running my first marathon.  I was one of about 200 participants running the 26.2 mile distance through Dover and Little Creek area, while another 300 ran the 13.1 mile half marathon, with all proceeds supporting the Wounded Warrior Project.

I crossed the finish line 4 hours 49 minutes and 41 seconds after the 7:00 a.m. start. At this 11 minute per mile pace, I finished almost an hour and a half after the lead female runner but I was still pleased with the result. I was hot and barely plodding along with no runners around when I came near the end, but I was rallied on those final steps of the endurance run with cheers from my children, parents, brother and mother in law at the Finish!

Knowing my family was waiting at the finish gave me the strength to push on and keep running through those long, hot final miles. My goal was to beat the time of my first marathon, which took 5 hours and 2 seconds, so I’m happy with a finish more than 10 minutes faster. I actually ran the first half of the marathon with a great time of 2 hours 12 minutes, but at mile 16 the weariness started to hit and the second half took much longer.

Much has changed since I ran the Nike Women’s Marathon 10 years ago in San Francisco, California. At that time I was 25 and married 4 years to Adrian, but we had no children yet. Running a marathon was a life goal, even though my longest race prior to the start of training in 2007 was just a 5K, which is 3.1 miles.

I always knew I would run a marathon again, but life brought many setbacks in the years that followed.I had run some over the years since, and even completed three half marathons, but I was not a consistent runner. Earlier this year, I was feeling lazy and at my heaviest I had ever been more than a year post pregnancy. A weight-loss challenge at work in the spring kick-started my desire to get healthier and run more.

When I realized this summer that October 21 would be the ten year anniversary of my big run, I knew it was time. It was my way of facing all those hardships from the past and saying…I am not beat down. I am stronger. I am better. I can do anything with Christ who strengthens me!

In late July, I set up a training program with the Runkeeper App on my phone and went from running about 15-20 miles per month to over 70 and even 117 miles in September.

THE TEN YEARS BETWEEN MY MARATHONS

It was just a few months after the first marathon, when Adrian and I found out we were expecting our first child. It was a very exciting time until an ultrasound around 20 weeks gestation revealed that our baby had a severe birth defect called Spina Bifida, myelomeningocele.  Doctors explained how the spinal cord had not formed properly and protruded from the lower back which could result in challenges including some paralysis often requiring a wheelchair for mobility, lack of bowel/bladder control, fluid build-up on the brain, possible learning delays and much more. Then they gave us the option to terminate the pregnancy. Despite the difficult news, we had also just learned our baby was a girl, and we were prepared to love and raise her, no matter the challenge.

Today, our daughter Adria is a nine-year old third grader who is precious and loved by all who know her. She is a straight A student who is actively involved in her school and community and easily recognized walking through the halls with her colorful leg braces and big smile.

A year after Adria was born, our little family faced another difficult health surprise when my 31 year old husband had a series of three grand mal seizures, causing significant physical and mental pain. Multiple tests and years of doctors visits never pin-pointed a reason for the seizures or a cure, just lots of different medications. Adrian has continued to sporadically have seizures since, often a few times a year and going 18 months seizure free at the longest period.  They were intense and painful seizures, sometimes causing major injury and hospital visits. 

Financial struggles as a result of medical expenses and a bad housing market resulted in us selling our home in Delaware in 2010 and moving to Indianapolis, Indiana. We had some great experiences there and one of the big blessings during this season was that our sweet Adria learned to use a walker for mobility at age 2, then she took her first steps without a walker just before turning 3.

But the challenges continued in early 2011 when I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks gestation that resulted in emergency surgery – a painful and heart-breaking time.   

It was not long before I became pregnant again and beautiful baby Johanna was born at the end of that year. She was healthy and a great blessing but in the early months of her life, I found myself battling a severe case of post-partum depression. In the heart of that lonely Indiana winter, Adrian had back-to-back seizures that left him unable to help much and I spent weeks of my maternity leave crying and battling health insurance issues.

Adrian’s youngest sister came to live with us and be a Nanny to the girls, so I could go back to work. She learned to clean up Johanna's regular spit up and care for Adria’s unique needs, like catheterization and putting on her leg braces. Still, the 12+ hour distance between us and our family back in Delaware was too great.

In late summer 2012, we moved back east to a charming community in Chesterfield, Virginia where we would be just 3 hours from our parents. I worked for the same company during these moves, with my sales ability allowing fairly easy transfers within Ryan Homes, one of the largest home builders in the country. Adrian really loved life in Virginia, but when his seizures reappeared in a serious way, we knew we needed the support of family just minutes away.

Only 8 months later, I took a new job with a local home builder in the town of Greenwood where our parents live and we moved back to Delaware in spring 2013. Two years later, we were blessed with a precious baby Boy. Judah was cute as could be and brought renewed life and hope to his discouraged Daddy.

My pregnancy with him was much harder on my body than the girls and I gained a lot more weight, but he was happy and healthy and my heart was full of thanks. And then life’s challenge became balancing the demands of a special needs child in school, an energetic pre-schooler, a nursing newborn and a full-time job as sole income provider!

With Adrian’s unfailing support and expertise as a stay-at-home Dad, we found a rhythm of life and 2016 was by far the most successful sales year of my career. It was also the year we decided to build our New Home, a place we would plan to stay for many years and raise our family. A home built on the same land where Adrian ran through the woods as a child. A place of hope and healing for us.

We moved into our Dream Home in March 2017.

When summer hit, and I realized that this year marked 10 years since I took on the challenge of running a full marathon, I reflected on these last 10 years. All the pain, all the trials, all the joys, all the moves, all the unknowns, all the life they have held. I felt like this season needed a book-end. I took on the challenge of a marathon before some of life’s greatest challenges came along. I was strong enough to take on the challenge now!

So I did. I woke up at 6 a.m. three mornings a week, and I ran. And on October 21, 2017 I ran 26.2 miles (with some walking) and completed my second full marathon. It was hard, but I was victorious!

As I look to the next decade of my life, I am full of HOPE.

Hope that my husband can live a seizure-free life.
Hope that my daughter Adria can continue to succeed in school and her life pursuits, not letting spina bifida hold her back.
Hope that all my children can live and grow in a consistent, stable home environment.
Hope for my own dreams of writing more and continuing to Run. 
Thank you, God, for Hope.         

Building our Home Together

It was a cold January day in 2016 when my husband and I walked through the dense woods across the street from his childhood home.

Adrian knows these woods well. They have been owned by the Seely family for generations. He spent his youth exploring, hunting, fishing and swimming in these woods and streams with his brothers and sisters.

He brought me to an area dense with briers.

"This would be a great spot for a home," Adrian said. His parent's 100+ year old farmhouse was barely visible across the field through the thick vegetation. He pointed out how the ground was high, and there were some great trees to keep and many to be removed. He pictured where the driveway would come in off the road and how far back the home should sit. He saw it all.

He had the vision.

That was the start of it. Just over a year ago, we began to pursue this new idea of building another home on the Seely farm. It almost seems surreal that here we are now, just weeks away from moving into this beautiful, new home.

And it has taken shape just as Adrian envisioned.

Our new home covered in its first snow in January 2017 - one year after we walked the property to decide where to build.

Yes, we have built before - 2 other new homes in fact. Yes, we have moved many times.

But this home. THIS HOME IS DIFFERENT.

This is the home we are building for our precious family of 5. More than that, we are building it WITH our children. We are building it TOGETHER. We are planning to raise our children in the same woods where their Daddy enjoyed countless adventures and created many memories.

Adrian designed the home, with some input from me and Monty, an expert home designer where I work. I selected most of the finishes, with Adrian's support and feedback.  And Bay to Beach Builders, where I sell new homes, is doing the hard work of managing construction. (Praise the Lord!)

Now let me tell you WHY we are building.

Looking back a year to the first week of 2016, we were extremely discouraged. It was anything but a "happy new year" when we were hit with some difficult financial news and serious health issues. It reminded me of another time when we felt life was throwing us some tough punches - Click to read "Like Blows in a Boxing Match."

One Sunday morning during this time I was at church with our 3 children. As the congregation sang together in praise and worship, I felt a touch from the Lord.

It was a passionate urging to BELIEVE that even though we were distraught and even though another year started with a bad incident like we had seen before...it would not be a bad year. No, God had the power to make it great.

My heart pounded as I walked to the front of the church with nine-month-old Judah on my hip. I shared what was on my heart with a couple in leadership, and they prayed with me. It wasn't anything super emotional or hyped up. But I took that step forward in faith, and I believe God heard that cry for help and the passionate desire for a positive change!!

In early 2016, as we were seeking God's direction, Adrian had several scriptures speak to his heart.
Months later, we wrote several of them on the framed walls of our new home. Truths to hold onto, forever built into our home.

Within weeks, we found ourselves walking through those woods and talking with his parents about our idea to build a new home within walking distance of them.

In the following months, there were countless hurdles to cross and steps to take toward acquiring the property and preparing to build. But the doors kept opening. New homes sales took off in the second quarter, and 2016 ended up being my best year of my career. Plus, we were able to sell the home that we still owned in Virginia to the family who had been renting it from us since our difficult yet miraculous sudden move in March 2013.

We currently live in a great little community, but country living is in my husband's blood. We believe the freedom and serenity of very familiar land and open space around us is the best lifestyle or "medical treatment" for his seizures. Plus, it's a wonderful environment for raising our children, especially with Adrian's parents and some of his siblings right across the street.

He is looking forward to teaching our children to fish in the stream that runs a few hundred feet behind our new house. And they'll build forts. And explore the trails looking for animal tracks. And swim in the creek. And drive golf carts and four-wheelers around the property.

It will be a good life.


Truly, we have come full circle. We are building our home next door to the home we first rented as a newly married couple 13 years ago. It belonged to Adrian's great aunt, until she passed away, and now is home to a sweet retired couple.

A lot of life and homes and moves have happened in the 13 years we've been married, but we feel so thankful and blessed for this opportunity. Not only are we building a great Home in a great spot, but our three young children are here to enjoy the experience with us.

God is answering our prayers in a big way. We have been on a wild journey, and there's still much to come, but we sincerely hope and believe this is HOME. A place to stay. A place to find peace.

Psalm 37:3-5

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness.

Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass.

Twenty Years in the Making

This is a story about a life-long friend of mine. An amazing woman with a special miracle.

Tall and slender with a long braid draped over her shoulder, Marisha chatters away with a charming southern accent. She picks up her fussing baby girl and holds her close, allowing her to nurse while she continues to share stories and funny quips about life.

Such a simple, even typical, moment I experienced with her last month. Yet an incredible story lies behind it.

Marisha's youthful look belies the fact that she is 42 years old. And 11 month old Rachel, is her miracle child, born to her and her husband after 20 years of marriage. Incredible.

For years and years they had prayed for a child. She watched and supported her two sisters as their families grew and they experienced mothering new life multiple times.

Finally, after 15 years of marriage, Marisha conceived and carried a baby boy. She was filled with joy. She was a mother. Praise the Lord! Her prayers had been answered.

But...she never had the chance to cradle her son. At 16 weeks along, there were complications and her pregnancy suddenly ended. Rian Jonathan went to heaven on 7/23/10.

"I never thought after all the prayers for him that he wouldn't stay here. Even as I laid in the hospital room after he was stillborn, I felt the prayers of the Saints and that peace of God all night." 

Marisha shared these words about that heart-breaking night. She said she stayed awake all night because every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was the small form lying at the foot of her bed.

Now, she held the love of a mother. And the ache of love lost. But the hope and belief that one day she would be able to hold and raise her own child.

Marisha kept believing. A few years passed by. And during that time, she had to say goodbye to her own mother Joy, a woman who was a very special kindergarten teacher to me.

In spite of her losses, Marisha held onto hope and continued to pray for a baby when others doubted.

In 2012, she had a vivid dream about having a daughter named Rachel and a younger son named Ian. Another three years later, part of that dream became reality.

By the grace of God, that pregnancy test plus sign showed up again in early 2015! It was happening. She had not even received shots or special treatments leading up to getting pregnant. How exciting! But still nerve wracking as she prayed over that life inside her to grow healthy and strong.

As she was praying for the new life growing inside, a close relative had a new baby. Unfortunately, life choices left them in a situation where they were unfit to parent the baby. Marisha stepped in to help provide care. Suddenly, she was both pregnant and caring for another baby! Yes, very tiring.

Marisha knew in her heart that she was carrying her daughter. Even before the ultrasounds confirmed it, she knew because of the dream.

Her miracle baby entered the world on 9/19/2015 at full-term, a beautiful and healthy girl. At long last, Marisha and her husband held their baby Rachel Denice. More than twenty years after their wedding.

"God healed my broken heart, but it was completed when Rachel was born!"

This week Rachel turned one year old. She's mommy's girl with bright eyes and a big smile. Like any baby, she's been a lot of work. She wakes up nearly every hour or two in the night. Her tummy does not tolerate many foods, so she's still nursing regularly and only eating tiny bits.

On top of the normal demands of learning to be new mom, Marisha had a big responsibility added to her plate a few months ago. There are now two young children from the family that needed support, and Marisha is their full-time guardian. That's right, three little ones under the age of three are in her home at once! Fortunately, her mother-in-law has moved in to help.

It's a different picture than what she dreamed of life as a new mom. And some days, drain her completely, especially when rest at night is so elusive. But she is a mother. Her heart's desire has at long last has been fulfilled. For that, she gives glory and praise to God.

And still holds onto hope for a son to hold.

Marisha and her miracle baby Rachel

IN HIS WORDS...You are Unique

Adrian shares some words from his heart today.

Daddy and his boy on Judah's first birthday, April 28.

IN HIS WORDS

Each and every one of us is unique. We may find others that we share many similarities with, but at our core we are our own unique person. And just as unique is the story that we have to tell. Most of us have heard the phrase "everyone has a story to tell," which refers to the fact that everybody has or is going through a struggle. But does that detract from the emotional effect that it has on us as individuals? I don't believe so. I believe that it makes it even more important because it gives us all something in common.

The more I talk to people, I find that most of us fall into one of two categories.

The first category is to want understanding. We want our situation, our struggle, and how it is affecting us to be understood. Especially by those around us that love and care about us. The truth is that because we are unique and our stories are unique that no one can truly understand what we are facing and how it is affecting us. Even those who are facing the same struggle cannot really understand. They can only relate to some aspects of the struggle we face. However, that does not mean that we keep it all to ourselves and don't talk about it.

The second category that the rest of us fall into is trying to ignore the struggle we face. If we don't acknowledge it, then it doesn't exist right? Sadly, neither category is the answer and provides no relief for the struggle we face and so often leads to depression and substance abuse. When I say substance abuse we automatically think drugs and alcohol, and yes those are still very prevalent today. But what about food, sugar, or what I consider to be the most widely abused substance today - Screen time. Maybe substance abuse isn't the correct term but you get my point. TVs, smart phones, iPads..... How many of us stick to the suggested 2 hours a day limit of screen time? Not an accusation, just a thought. Look at what you do with your life and then ask yourself why.

Personally, I am finding that the best way to face a struggle is to begin with acknowledging it. Accept that it is here, it is currently part of your life, and no amount of denial will make it go away. Neither will any amount of pity make you feel better.

Next, find those in your life who can and will walk with you as you journey through your struggle. Even though only you can fully understand what you are facing it doesn't mean that you should face it alone. In fact, you can't. I have been struggling with seizures now for more that six years. My exceptional wife has seen most of them and stood by me through the struggle of change and recovery for six years. She cannot fully understand the struggle I face but it is her unfailing love and support that makes me able to continue to struggle instead of give up and give in to a vegetative state. And then I think of the support that our families have provided. Consistently supporting our requests whether they understood them or not. So surround yourself with people who care and don't hesitate to ask for what you need.

Next, and it's something that it has taken until recently for me to realize, don't be so absorbed with your own struggle that you fail to recognize others. As I have stated before, my seizures have dramatically changed me. Other than a few scars, it isn't externally that obvious but internally where it actually matters, everything has changed. I have been so absorbed with the apparent monumental combined struggles that Adria and I are facing along with the moves, births, and job change that we faced that I forgot that there are other people with real issues in the world.

A while ago I was sharing with someone the most recent developments in our ongoing family drama and after I had walked away I realized that I had not bothered to ask them about their day, family, or anything. As I began to think over the last six years I realized that this had been a fairly consistent trend and it made me ashamed. So remember to take time for others as you face your own struggle.

Looking over the past seven years and the struggles that we have and are facing it makes me realize how much I truly care about others and their struggles regardless of how big or small they may seem. I believe that caring is the path toward healing. Even if that healing is simply finding peace for our situation. Healing is not always returning to how things were.

I have also learned the importance of being heard. I recently read that healing begins when a person feels heard. How often do we not speak because of what we are afraid we will get told in return? Can we listen to someone share their heart and mind without trying to "speak the truth in love" in return?

So take time to care, to listen, to laugh, to cry, to love, to pray. Turn off the TV, shut the lap top, put down the phone. Go for walks, go for coffee, go out with friends, and always and forever, go disc golfing.

A Look Back at 2015

As we start a new year, I always like to reflect on the highlights of the year past...the new experiences, changes, and lessons learned.

For 2015 there is one moment, one hour really, that stands out above all the rest. 

Meeting our son, Judah. 

Just after I delivered him, they gave him a quick wipe over and handed him to me. He was perfectly adorable and for the next hour he laid on my chest - skin to skin - in that special bonding time I had heard about but never experienced like this with my daughters. I didn't know how much he weighed or how long he was, but it didn't matter yet. He was in my arms.

Yep, that was definitely the highlight of my year! But there were many other moments to remember for each of us.

Our Family of 5 Photo - November 2015

Judah

Our baby boy joined the family in late April, now 8 months old. He has been a happy, healthy boy bringing great joy to everyone in our family. He's totally Daddy's boy...they hang out all day most days. His sisters adore him and are ridiculous with the smothering of kisses. He's mostly tolerant. And Mommy thinks he's the most handsome little guy in the universe!

He's becoming a hefty dude, weighing about 20 pounds now. In just the past two weeks, he's finally mastered sitting without toppling over and has been rolling, but just today he CRAWLED for the first time! And just this week, he pulled himself up to stand in his crib. He sleeps fairly well but still likes to wake me up through the night...Yawn! His two-tooth grin and big brown eyes will melt you.

My Two Handsome Men

Johanna

Ever the spice in our family, Johanna just turned four years old in December. She has as much energy and vitality as ever. Sometimes we love it, sometimes we....well, let's just say she can get into some messes. Judah is her biggest fan; he laughs at her dancing and jumping all the time. It's pretty hilarious!

After attending preschool 2 mornings a week earlier in the year, she started going to the same school as Adria this fall 4 mornings a week. She is just one of 2 girls in a class with 12 boys (yikes), but she holds her own fine and is making friends. Her best buddy is still a girl from church who is just one day younger. Her favorite things are playing "dress-ups", play-do, going to the beach and visiting people. I often hear her saying "You're the best sister ever!" when she and Adria are playing together, then a few minutes later they're arguing...Ha! Jo-Jo is so much fun and oozes personality.

Sweet and Spunky Johanna - 4 years old

Adria

Our oldest turned seven just a week after starting first grade this fall. She struggled the first couple weeks because she missed her Kindergarten friends and routine, and all the math and reading was "so must harder." But she has excelled, made new friends and loves her teachers (we do too!) It's been a joy listening to her improve as she reads.

A couple big events from her year were playing soccer in the spring and participating in the Little Miss Apple Scrapple Pageant in October. Then, she and Johanna both did a Kids Run in Pennsylvania where she met Deena Kastor, a famous marathon Olympian.

Her health has been good overall with the Peristeen bowel program allowing her to be mostly "diaper free" for the past year. She's had some accidents at school, but the nurse takes very good care of her. We are so thankful. And her big progress in her weekly physical therapy has been that she can now hop on one foot! Amazing!!! Her latest interest is in making cooking videos. Though she sometimes laments that she is different because of her need for leg braces and catheters, she does not let spina bifida hold her back. We are so proud of her!

Bubbly and friendly Adria - 7 years old

Daddy

Adrian's year has been an interesting one. He has excelled to a new level in the sport he loves - Disc Golf. He participated in many weekend tournaments, some affiliated with the Professional Disc Golf Association (PDGA), and even WON in his division a couple times last year! 

This sport and the camaraderie with other guys has provided a great outlet from his daily duties of full-time Dad. I am always amazed at what he accomplishes in and around our home, and how he often realizes the needs of our children better than I. Adrian also assisted family members with home improvement projects, including flying down to Texas to visit his sister Angie and install flooring in her newly purchase home last fall.

Unfortunately, in 2015 Daddy's seizures returned with dramatic flare during vacation. It was craziness and upsetting, but it brought us to a new place of trying to be better prepared and more accepting of this bizarre condition we have battled for the last six years. That's right, Dec. 26 was the six year anniversary of his first seizure...it's now been a battle for half of our 12 years of marriage. We have great days and down-right terrible days, but you know, we always get up again.

Mommy

Aside from the amazing gift of carrying and delivering a child, I had some other big events this year. Work has been very busy, and I'm so thankful for that. It was a strong year for new home sales with the local Builder where I've now been for 2.5 years. Our company won a few big local awards, including being voted Best Southern Delaware Home Builder by a regional magazine! I got my 15 seconds of fame with some air time in our TV commercial, and the outlook for 2016 is good. 

From a fitness perspective, I had big ambitions to run a half marathon in October - but my body was not quite ready for that. Instead, I ran a 10K (6.2 miles) race at the Runner's World festival in Bethlehem, PA and had a great time doing it. I really love running events, but man is it hard to make time to run with 3 little ones in the house!

Our Family

We did not take a big week-long vacation in 2015, but we enjoyed several family excursions:

• The Pocono Mountains, PA in February (a trip with my company) - the girls love hotels with indoor pools and Snow
• The Shenandoah Valley, VA in June where we camped in KOA cabin - but this was the trip where Daddy had a seizure
• Dutch Wonderland in Lancaster, PA - it was a hot summer day for our first visit with the kids to this family-fun amusement park, but baby Judah was not too impressed
• Runner's World event in October in Bethlehem, PA - we girls successfully ran races, then I took the children to the Crayola museum while Daddy went disc golfing
• Christmas Lights at Longwood Gardens in December - a day trip with Granny and Grandad for one of the best light displays on the east coast

It was a year filled with great blessings yet sprinkled with challenging moments. We are ever thankful for our family and the opportunity to continue on this journey together!

Hoping you and yours have a blessed 2016.

To My 6 Month Old Son

Dear Baby Judah,

My precious little boy. You are six months old! You're halfway to your first birthday already. My heart is full of gratitude for you and the wonderful time we've had together so far. But my heart also aches for all the hours we spend apart.

You are just sooo adorable and a big boy now! With chunky monkey thighs, rolly-poly arms and the most kissable cheeks conceivable, your snuggles are the best. Your dreamy big eyes surprised everyone by turning brown like mommy's, instead of the famous Seely blue. But most everything else about you takes after Daddy, which makes you super handsome!

6 month old Sweetie Pie

Your face can instantly change from a serious stare to a wide grin that melts us all. You give your adoring sisters big smiles, especially when they jump and dance to make you laugh. You give mommy smiles and giggles when we get to talk. You have plenty of grins to share with your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. But I think you save your biggest smiles for Daddy. You two spend your days together and share a special bond. You are pretty much the center of Daddy's world right now, and he cares for you with attentive gentleness.

Mommy treasured our first months together, and it made me so sad when it came time for me to return to full-time work when you were just 10 weeks old. Even though I had to do the same thing with your sisters, it was not any easier this time. But I love walking in the door after work each day and kissing your puffy cheeks then cradling you every night in the rocking chair as you nurse before bed. Plus, I take you on all kinds of adventures when I have a day off and enjoy wearing you in our baby carrier.

Wearing baby Judah at Wallops Island with Uncle Aaron and Johanna

You have been so good to us. No illness. Rarely fussy or inconsolable. Healthy eater with some surprisingly loud toots! Of course your diet is still just mommy's milk and a little baby cereal, but we'll get into more interesting stuff soon. You don't seem to be in a rush.

You sleep well for the most part. Though you seldom allow me more than 4-5 hours of rest without waking at night, you usually fall right back to sleep after eating. You are rolling and wiggling all over now, and just starting to sit by yourself for a few seconds.

You are a priceless treasure. You bring healing to our family, both immediate and extended. So many love you and adore your chubby cuteness. We are indeed blessed by you, dear son.

With more love than I know how to express...

Mommy  

Here's a look at how you've grown...

NEWBORN BABY

1 MONTH

2 MONTHS

3 MONTHS

4 MONTHS

5 MONTHS

6 MONTHS

The Pageant Experience...in the news

Adria is in the news again! 

She had a wonderful experience at the Little Miss Apple Scrapple pageant last Friday. Though she did not win, Adria's confidence and performance on the stage made her parents and many fans proud.

The Seaford Star was kind enough to publish this little article I typed up late one night after Adria's pageant. I have to use my journalism degree and experience as a free-lance writer for this local paper once in a while ;)  

The article in the Seaford Star

Apple Scrapple Contestant leads a Beautiful Life with Spina Bifida

It took her a little longer to climb up the steps than the other eight girls, but when Adria Seely walked across that stage in front of a couple hundred spectators, she was full of confidence and smiles.

Friday night was the 10^th annual Little Miss Apple Scrapple Pageant at Bridgeville’s annual fall festival. Local girls ranging in age from 5 to 8 years old participated in the event, showcasing talent routines that included singing, dancing, hula hoop swinging and stand-up comedy.

Adria poses for me just before going on stage...after I saw that,
I knew she would be ok up there in front of the hundreds of spectators.

They announced each contestant and her hobbies and interests.

One of the shortest contestants was seven year old Adria Seely, who attends Woodbridge Early Childhood Education Center. This was the first time Adria has participated in an event like this, and it was quite an accomplishment for her to be able to get up on that stage and perform.

Adria was born with Spina bifida, a severe type called myelomeningocele, which involves the incomplete closure of the spinal cord early in pregnancy and leads to life-long challenges. Many children and individuals living with spina bifida are never able to walk, requiring a wheel chair for mobility. Adria was not able to walk until she was age two and then she required a walker to get around until age three. Now, she walks independently with only the support of Ankle Foot Orthotics (leg braces). She owns a wheelchair but only uses it rarely for longer distances.

Adria was both nervous and excited about the idea of being in the pageant but ultimately decided it was something she wanted to do. She began practicing a dance routine at home and on the night of the pageant, she danced to the song “It’s a Beautiful Life” by Ace of Base. Her performance ended with a spin and a bow, resulting in loud cheers.

Adria dances to "It's a Beautiful Life" - she remembered all her practiced moves and even finished with a twirl and a bow.

Most of the audience did not know there was anything unique about Adria’s beautiful life. But her presence on that stage was a testament to a life of perseverance and overcoming daily challenges.
October is Spina Bifida Awareness month. It is the most common permanently disabling birth defect and impacts individuals in many different ways beyond mobility. Most face issues with incontinence, learning delays, fluid on the brain, and a shorter stature due to under-developed leg muscles. They may require dozens of surgeries throughout their lifetime.

Adria has been fortunate in many ways, but she realizes that she does have differences from her school friends. And even though she did not win a crown or any roses at the pageant Friday night, her positive attitude and confidence on that stage made an impression and should serve as encouragement to differently abled families. Life may be tough but it still can be beautiful.

My parents were among the many family and friends who came out to support Adria

The winners announced! A sweet bubbly blond girl who boldly sang alone won the pageant.
Two of Adria's friends won the Talent Competition and Interview segment

Adria poses in her Party Dress after the pageant.
Mommy did not have time to curl and style her hair, since I got off work at 4:30 that day and she had to be there by 5:15! 

Proud mommy with her amazing girl.

Thankful in the Mess

This morning I'm enjoying our sunroom and the stillness before our home awakens and there are three little ones needing fed, changed, and put together for the day.

At least I'm trying to enjoy it for a few minutes and not be distracted by the mess. By all there is that needs to be done.

A pile of princess figurines sits next to me on the couch. Dried pizza crust from last night's dinner lies on the floor, along with several wrappers from packs of gummies. They blend in readily with the toys that I tried to avoid tripping on. The kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes. There are bag of groceries that still need to be put away. Piles of dirty laundry to be washed. The list goes on and on.

But it's not for lack of effort. Especially on the part of my husband who is home during the day trying to balance the needs of a 3 month old baby along with 2 young daughters. In spite of all their demands, he still amazes me with all that he does accomplish inside and outside our home each day.

And if it were only up to me, the mess would be insurmountable. Yes, I'm a bit of a messy. Definitely NOT a neat freak. Adrian has always been the "neater" one in this relationship.

It just feels impossible to keep up with everything. Yesterday, was a crazy busy day for me at work with back to back client appointments all day, during which I barely squeezed in time to pump my milk and scarf down food at 1:45 p.m. We had to run errands when I got home, so by the time the kids were in bed...we had nothing left. Bed called.

Yet when I look at it all with fresh eyes, I see all there is to be thankful for in spite of the mess:

• The toys everywhere mean I'm blessed to be a mother with children who are healthy and active
• The dishes in the sink mean we have plenty of food to eat
• The fact that I'm up early because cries woke me and I couldn't sleep means I have a precious little baby
• The ever present laundry means we have many clothes to wear
• The exhaustion I feel from yesterday's busyness means that work is going well and our family is being provided for
• The bills on our desk mean we have a home to live in and cars to get around
• The markers and paper covering the kitchen table mean my daughters have a creative side that enjoys crafts
• The general mess means that my family is able to be home during the day and not be in child care somewhere else
• All the things, all the stuff, all the mess means we are BLESSED

And for all that, I am so thankful. Especially when I look beyond the mess and see all that has been done. The bathrooms that are clean. The bottles that are put away. The towels that are washed. The clothes I wear to work neatly hung. The trash that's been taken out. The garage that is swept. The lawn that looks fabulous. And most of all, the children who are fed and happy. The list goes on and on.

That means I have a husband who cares and works hard every day at one of the toughest jobs a man can have...Stay at Home Dad.

All the mess means that I have this wonderful family to love.

Today I am thankful. Still, I somehow wish this thankful heart could make the mess go away...haha!! Okay, well I better get moving and try to clean up a little before heading back into the office for a busy Saturday.

The Beauty of Life...IN HIS WORDS

Today, we have a special post as my husband shares for the first time in months. As always, he makes me ponder and get a little teary-eyed as I read his unique perspective. I hope you can appreciate what Adrian has to say, especially as today marks 3 weeks since his recent seizure.

The Beauty of Life...IN HIS WORDS

I recently read that one of the few certainties of life is that…………. none of us are going to survive it. Does that sound morbid? Possibly, but it is also very very true. Personally, I am finding that having this truth made clear in my life on a daily basis is having a positive and liberating effect. Life is full of beauty, of joy, of vigor, of the sense of the miraculous and well……..just life itself. 

But so often the beauty of life becomes overshadowed and blocked out by the things that don’t matter and we don’t take time enjoy it. We spend so much time drug up, drug down, drug out, or just plain drugged that we miss so much of the beauty in life that surrounds us. Realizing that your life can be taken in a moment is very inspiring to focus on the beauty in life, the precious moments in life.

The daily reality that we have had to learn to live with is that a seizure and everything that comes with it can strike at any time, anywhere, and with no warning. What has been harder to come to grips with is the reality that at any time a seizure can hit and I won’t wake up in the E.R. I can be cutting grass or folding laundry and the next thing I know I will be asking St. Peter why now? How does a person come to grips with this in their heart and mind? How can it make any sense?

It doesn’t make sense and it can’t. Every day I have the choice to live in fear and self-pity, or I can spend living in and looking for the beauty of life. I have the choice to be negative or positive, build or destroy, be selfish or self-less. There are aspects of my life that I cannot control but these things I can. These are the choices that we all have to make on a daily basis and I hope that you don’t have to share my path before you learn to stop and smell the roses.

Will a seizure take my life? It is possible although not probable. It could be tonight, tomorrow, next week, next year, or never. I guess the uncertain possibility adds to the spice of life. However, this same possibility applies to everyone. Our lives hang but by a thread yet death is not something to be feared. 

I do not fear death, I do fear a wasted life. 

That is how I have come to grips with my condition, it is how I make sense of what is happening. I live my life one breath at a time and I focus each breath towards living a life that is not wasted.

One of my favorite poems is called How Did You Die by Edmond Vance Cooke.  Although the title may sound a little morbid I find the poem to be oddly inspirational. You should be able to follow the link on the title of the poem, but here are a few of my favorite lines.

          

You are beaten to earth? Well, well, what's that? 

Come up with a smiling face.

It's nothing against you to fall down flat,

But to lie there -- that's disgrace.

Adrian cherishing time with our son today while we waited
for our daughter Adria's appointment at A.I.duPont Hospital for Children.