IN HIS WORDS...You are Unique

Adrian shares some words from his heart today.

Daddy and his boy on Judah's first birthday, April 28.

IN HIS WORDS

Each and every one of us is unique. We may find others that we share many similarities with, but at our core we are our own unique person. And just as unique is the story that we have to tell. Most of us have heard the phrase "everyone has a story to tell," which refers to the fact that everybody has or is going through a struggle. But does that detract from the emotional effect that it has on us as individuals? I don't believe so. I believe that it makes it even more important because it gives us all something in common.

The more I talk to people, I find that most of us fall into one of two categories.

The first category is to want understanding. We want our situation, our struggle, and how it is affecting us to be understood. Especially by those around us that love and care about us. The truth is that because we are unique and our stories are unique that no one can truly understand what we are facing and how it is affecting us. Even those who are facing the same struggle cannot really understand. They can only relate to some aspects of the struggle we face. However, that does not mean that we keep it all to ourselves and don't talk about it.

The second category that the rest of us fall into is trying to ignore the struggle we face. If we don't acknowledge it, then it doesn't exist right? Sadly, neither category is the answer and provides no relief for the struggle we face and so often leads to depression and substance abuse. When I say substance abuse we automatically think drugs and alcohol, and yes those are still very prevalent today. But what about food, sugar, or what I consider to be the most widely abused substance today - Screen time. Maybe substance abuse isn't the correct term but you get my point. TVs, smart phones, iPads..... How many of us stick to the suggested 2 hours a day limit of screen time? Not an accusation, just a thought. Look at what you do with your life and then ask yourself why.

Personally, I am finding that the best way to face a struggle is to begin with acknowledging it. Accept that it is here, it is currently part of your life, and no amount of denial will make it go away. Neither will any amount of pity make you feel better.

Next, find those in your life who can and will walk with you as you journey through your struggle. Even though only you can fully understand what you are facing it doesn't mean that you should face it alone. In fact, you can't. I have been struggling with seizures now for more that six years. My exceptional wife has seen most of them and stood by me through the struggle of change and recovery for six years. She cannot fully understand the struggle I face but it is her unfailing love and support that makes me able to continue to struggle instead of give up and give in to a vegetative state. And then I think of the support that our families have provided. Consistently supporting our requests whether they understood them or not. So surround yourself with people who care and don't hesitate to ask for what you need.

Next, and it's something that it has taken until recently for me to realize, don't be so absorbed with your own struggle that you fail to recognize others. As I have stated before, my seizures have dramatically changed me. Other than a few scars, it isn't externally that obvious but internally where it actually matters, everything has changed. I have been so absorbed with the apparent monumental combined struggles that Adria and I are facing along with the moves, births, and job change that we faced that I forgot that there are other people with real issues in the world.

A while ago I was sharing with someone the most recent developments in our ongoing family drama and after I had walked away I realized that I had not bothered to ask them about their day, family, or anything. As I began to think over the last six years I realized that this had been a fairly consistent trend and it made me ashamed. So remember to take time for others as you face your own struggle.

Looking over the past seven years and the struggles that we have and are facing it makes me realize how much I truly care about others and their struggles regardless of how big or small they may seem. I believe that caring is the path toward healing. Even if that healing is simply finding peace for our situation. Healing is not always returning to how things were.

I have also learned the importance of being heard. I recently read that healing begins when a person feels heard. How often do we not speak because of what we are afraid we will get told in return? Can we listen to someone share their heart and mind without trying to "speak the truth in love" in return?

So take time to care, to listen, to laugh, to cry, to love, to pray. Turn off the TV, shut the lap top, put down the phone. Go for walks, go for coffee, go out with friends, and always and forever, go disc golfing.