Sunday, September 8, 2013

5 Years Ago today we met our first Princess

Happy 5th Birthday, Adria!

After my scheduled Sept. 2 C-section had been delayed for baby's lungs to mature, we anxiously awaited word from the doctor on a new time for the operation. They found a spot to squeeze me into the busy Operating Room schedule at Christina Hospital and we were set to go for Monday, Sept. 8 at 3:30 p.m.

Pregnant mommy outside the maternity entrance to Christiana Hospital the day Adria was born!

We had kept her name a secret until the moment of her birth - 3:58 p.m. Welcome baby Adria Mychelle!

Here is my personal account of that day from my journal:

9/9/08
She came out with lots of dark hair and very purple with very cute little whimpers. I was lying on my back, arms stretched out perpendicular to my body on either side with almost no feeling from my chest down and an oxygen mask around my nose and mouth. Adrian sat close by in the OR, touching me reassuringly as about 7 doctors and nurses poked, prodded, cut and sewed me to deliver out little girl.

Once out, she was quickly put into the hands of about 5 neonatologists (high risk pediatricians) who cleaned her up and got all the vital stats before taking her back to the NICU.
Our little girl is a beautiful 6 lbs. 15 oz., 19 in. long daughter.

Naturally, I couldn't hold back the emotion as I saw my baby girl for the first time. Tears continued to fill my eyes as I watched them work on her - How amazing this new life that formed inside me!

They wheeled her close so I could get a better look before they took her away, but I did not get to touch her. It was not until almost 9 p.m. that night before I saw her again.
After I spent several hours dozing in the recovery room and saw both my parents and Ade's parents, Adria was wheeled back into my room. Daddy had been by her side for a while in the NICU, and he was with her when she came in, lying on a baby-sized incubator bed, getting ready to be transported to AI DuPont Hospital.
She was so adorable and innocent lying there on her stomach with several tubes and IVs. Again tears flooded my eyes as I spoke to her and had a chance to reach out and touch her soft skin and hair, barely taking notice of the covered leision on her back.

As soon as I started talking, she began to wail... A precious, desperate cry that said, "Mommy, I know that's you. Please hold me, protect me, feed me!" And oh how badly I wanted to!
We had a few minutes together touching and crying before she had to go. Goodbye my sweet, little one.

Right now, she is at AI DuPont under the skilled hand of pediatric neurosurgeon Dr. Benjamin Warf. He is going to perform the spina bifida closure surgery on her. Daddy was with her most of the day, talking to her and trying to comfort her. The doctors seem very impressed with how strong and spirited she is. They believe that she will do very well.

I have remained at Christiana Hospital today for my C-section recovery...(I'll spare you the personal details here) Mom and Dad have been here with me a lot, and I've really appreciated Mom's help.
Ade recently came back and brought with him a cute picture of Adria, taken at AI which a nurse decked up just for me!
That picture was so important to me over the next few days as I lay in a tiny hospital room without my baby. Christiana Hospital graciously gave me one of their only personal maternity rooms, so I would not have to endure sharing a room with another mom who was able to be with her newborn baby. It was not until four days later that I got to see Adria again.

I had to recover and she had to have her surgery. I never actually got a good look at her spina bifida sac on her lower back. From the moment she was delivered, they put a sterile bag around her lower body to prevent any further damage to the exposed spinal cord.

That's ok though, it was only a part of her life outside mommy for one day and while it greatly impacts her life, my hope is that it will not define her life.

As she turns 5 today, I realize how incredibly blessed we are to have this little treasure in our lives. She speaks very well, walks like a champ and returns love with kisses and hugs. I know many parents with special needs children never realize some of these life milestones that other parents may take for granted.

I just have to give praise for our many blessings and thank you for your prayers.

Adria, mommy and daddy love you so very, very much!

Friday, September 6, 2013

Crib Drama Tonight

We had just put the girls to bed when the drama happened. Daddy had to help me out more than usual tonight because Adria was being especially fussy and disobedient. I think it's due to her not feeling well with allergies or something, but she kept crying.

Just as he was getting Adria calmed down, I heard another cry.

I was actually getting the laptop out to write about Adria's pre-school experience when I heard the cry from my baby girl. It was not an "I'm not happy to be in bed" cry, it was different. That was definitely a "Mommy, Help I'm hurting!" cry.

I ran over to Johanna's room and turned on the light to find her little chubby leg caught in the crib! Up to her thigh. She must have been kicking energetically trying to avoid sleep and somehow wedged it in there.

Ok, just ease it out. Hold still, Baby. (yeah right). Wow, this leg won't budge!

At 21 months, Johanna is super cute with a little extra cushioning around her knees and thighs, just like her mama had. Ok, fine...like her mama has.

As the screams increased with my lack of progress, Daddy came in to take charge. I tried to comfort Johanna as she began to shake and twist in pain. Oh, poor baby!

After a couple minutes of uselessly trying to free her leg, Daddy was threatening to break the crib to get it out. But, right then he realized a way to gradually squeeze the chubbies through as I held her in a semi-lifted position.

Freedom!

This is the crib that held my baby's leg captive for a few minutes. This photo was taken in our Virginia home. We haven't had the motivation to really decorate her new room since the move to Delaware in April. Sorry baby.


She shook and squirmed as I held her in my arms trying to comfort her after the ordeal. Even blankie and the rocker and lullabies playing didn't help.

We noticed a bruise on her inner knee, and she actually began to calm down when Daddy placed a cold pack on it. But she started up again when he left the room.

He came back in and spoke in his comforting Daddy voice, and again she settled more. Looks like this one's going to require some Daddy snuggles to feel better.

And so he did. Take her and rock her and she relaxed into sleep within minutes.

He's such a great Daddy to his little girls. Their care giver, protector and greatest advocate.

Being a stay-at-home Dad can be so hard at times, but in moments like these when he is needed and their special bond is obvious, I know he treasures his time with them.

Almost as much as he treasures the peace and quiet of them both being asleep right now :)

But, after the night's drama, I am wondering if it's time for her to be done with the crib? Adria was in the same crib until almost 2 1/2 years old. I really don't think I'm quite ready to give our Adventure Baby the freedom to get in and out of bed as she pleases, but I do hope this doesn't happen again!

I took this sweet photo of Johanna sleeping on the couch yesterday morning, after she had woken up early and needed some mommy snuggles to get back to sleep.

Monday, September 2, 2013

She was scheduled to be born today, Sept. 2

The clock has not yet hit 4:00 a.m. as I write on this Labor Day. While I was lying awake in bed and trying to get back to sleep, I realized that five years ago today I was having trouble sleeping that morning too.

My husband and I were staying in a hotel in Newark, Del. anticipating that we would meet our precious little girl for the first time that Sept. 2 day.

We had been on a pretty wild ride that summer since first learning of Adria's spina bifida diagnosis when I was five months pregnant. Pictures show that it was a fun summer of celebrating my little brother's high school graduation, decorating the nursery, enjoying family cook-outs at my aunt's pool, and sailing on the Chesapeake Bay for the first time.

Celebrating with my siblings in summer 2008 just after my youngest brother's high school graduation, which was just a few weeks after learning about Adria's spina bifida.
Sailboat ride on the Chesapeake with Ade, two days before my scheduled C-section on Sept. 2. Yes, the people on the boat were a little nervous once I told them how soon I was due!

It was also a summer packed full of doctors visits and regular sonograms checking our baby's progress. A summer of educating ourselves on what to expect in this next phase of life. I had to look further than the What to Expect When You're Expecting and The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy books I had been reading to learn what I could about how to care for a baby with myelomeningocele spina bifida. I tried to prepare myself for what her life could be, but the unknowns were so vast.

Most of our education was gained from meeting with multiple doctors in various specialties - from high risk OB/GYNs to pediatric Neurosurgeons, Urologists, Physical Therapists, Orthopedics and more.

We transferred my care from the Annapolis maternal fetal medicine specialist to Delaware Center for Maternal and Fetal Medicine, part of Christiana Care at the Newark campus. We made this change largely for insurance reasons, because it was better to stay in state, but also because of the center's great reputation and close proximity to A.I. DuPont Children's Hospital in Wilmington, Del.

It was during this time when we learned that only six babies had been born in Delaware with spina bifida the previous year and fewer than that so far in 2008.

My doctor at DCMFM was Philip Shlossman, M.D., who we both liked because of his laid-back and often humorous bedside manner. He was critical in helping us navigate many major decisions we faced.

One major recommendation he made was that our baby girl be delivered with a scheduled C-section. Not because of any complications I was having, but this would be best to reduce and prevent further damage to the spina bifida sac and spinal cord that protruded from her lower back. The C-section would be scheduled several weeks before my actual Sept. 22 due date in order to avoid me going into labor and to ensure all the doctors needed for this special delivery would be available.

This would be a specialized team both at Christiana Hospital and A.I. DuPont Children's Hospital. The plan was for Adria to be delivered at Christiana and shortly thereafter be transferred 20 minutes up the road to the Children's hospital for her spina bifida closure surgery.

We were nervous that Sept. 2 morning but also very excited to meet our firstborn.

However, because my due date was still several weeks away, Dr. Shlossman performed an amniocentesis on me at 7:00 a.m. to test if our baby's lung were fully mature for the early delivery. They stuck a freaky big needle in my belly to get a sample of the amniotic fluid, and then we waited for what seemed an eternity but was really a couple hours for the test results.

Results came in, and baby's lungs were not quite ready... We would go home and they'd let us know when to reschedule.

Honestly, we were very disappointed. Our anticipation of meeting her was so high, and we had been planning on this date for months. I know most mom's don't get to "plan" their delivery, but still I was ready to meet her!

That night, I wrote this in my journal:
"It may seem odd to say this, but I was really hoping to be lying in a hospital bed tonight. My little baby girl was scheduled to be delivered today via C-section. Ade and I had prepared ourselves, got the house ready, and packed our bags for the next week or more expecting to be up in Wilmington while she recovered from her Spina Bifida closure surgery... Though we know that's best for her to wait, the news was hard to take after preparing ourselves for her arrival today. I  love feeling her inside me, but I am very much ready to see and hold her."

That's okay though, God already had her birthday planned and it was not for that day.


My mom took this photo the morning of Sept. 2, 2008 before we went in the hospital. I thought it would be my last pregnant photo with Adria, but I ended up having another week to get a few more.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Hope Flickers, yet Fear Lingers

We are living in the days when hope flickers, yet fear lingers.

Hope that the seizures will not return. Hope that the meds are working properly this time. Hope that prayers are answered and it's over. Hope that my husband can drive again. Hope that life can continue uninterrupted by a major "event."

Yet fear is ever present in this time. Fear that hope will be crushed as it has been for the past 3 1/2 years. Each time we dared to hope that the months without my husband having a grand mal seizure meant that this crazy nightmare had ended, fear returned.

It has been almost six months since Daddy's last seizure. Many times he has gone this long without one, and we sincerely believed the drama was over. We hoped for that every time.

But, always without warning, he would fall and surprise, shock and frighten any around him. Sometimes at home. Other times at Starbucks, a car dealership and even the airport.

This hope was alive and well early this year when I was fairly adjusted to our new home in a pleasant Richmond, Va. suburb, and Ade was enjoying life. He was happier than I had seen him in years. Chesterfield proved to be a place he embraced more than anywhere else we've lived in our 8 moves over the last 10 years.

He had developed a great routine as a stay-at-home Dad, regularly working with Adria on learning to write letters and numbers, beginning potty training with Johanna, and even cooking dinner many nights.  We had not made many friends yet, but we lived in a lovely golf course community with great neighbors and were looking forward to meeting more at the community pool this summer.

Life was good. My job was not perfect, but I was selling well, had a great manager and saw opportunities on the horizon. Things felt on track, almost better than ever since my husband and I have been together.

So, why did it have to be taken away? I sometimes see reasons and answers, but it still hurts.

Hope was crushed on a beautiful March morning when the buried fear became reality once again. That's when Daddy had the worst seizure yet. Without any warning it happened. And there we were sitting in another Emergency Department crying and saying, why again, what now?

I have hesitated to share too much about the severity of his seizures, because the last thing I want to happen is for people to fear him and avoid him. They only happen a few times a year, but when they do, it can be debilitating.

This one was. It stripped away everything Ade had worked so hard to do. And he was left broken and empty. Mental and physical pain stayed with him for weeks and even months. We could not fight it alone any longer.

So we returned to our families in Delaware. It will take another blog for that amazing story, but we are here now. After this fall, we needed familiar faces and the support of loved ones to get back up again.

My husband is feeling well again and appreciating the opportunity to pursue his favorite sport - disc golf - with a few friends.

Last week, my sister and her family were in town, and we enjoyed outings to the beach, a Shorebirds baseball game, and a cook-out in our backyard. We had fun and Ade was there beside me every time.

Again, hope flickers. Yet fear lingers as we draw close to six months since the last seizure. For whatever reason, many have been about six months apart.

My husband recently said, "Waiting for a seizure is like holding your breath. The longer you do it, the harder it gets."

It would be great to just move on. But right now, we have to hold our breath. Our daughter's 5th birthday is coming up. Last year, Daddy had a seizure the morning of her birthday. I pray, pray, pray that does not happen again!

Hope, please become a flame.


Here we are, a happy couple on the beach and with my entire immediate family.


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Our special routine, the same every night

As a mother who works full-time, the evenings with my girls are extra special.
That's when we color, bake, paint our finger nails, play pretend, take a walk, or grocery shop.

And now, I get more time with them than I ever have. For the past 6 years, I have worked out of a model home from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. on most days. Though these are not bad hours, I worked most weekends and depending on where the new home community was located, I did not get home until close to 7 p.m. That did not leave much evening time with the girls, but I still tried to make the most of it.

Since I started my new job three months ago, I now work a glorious 9 to 5 shift plus later for some appointments. Yes, I still work many weekends, but it's great to be home by 5:15 p.m. since I live VERY close to my current model home.

I am able to make dinner more often, instead of take-out (good thing, since there aren't many options around here!) and have appreciated the extra time with my family.

Tonight, the girls and I watched a cartoon together and danced during the final credits music, as has become our after-movie tradition!

After playtime, we begin our hour-long nightly routine. It goes something like this:
  • Remove Adria's shoes, leg braces, and socks.
  • Catheterize Adria and flush out bladder. Insert mini Enemeez.
  • Sit Adria on potty for about 20 min. She usually plays games on my iPhone to occupy.
  • Wash up Johanna (bath time every other night), change diaper and put on her pajamas.
  • Make Jo an 8 oz. bottle of milk and put her in Daddy's lap with her favorite fuzzy green blanket.
  • Give Adria her two evening meds - 1/2 tsp of Oxybutanin (bladder relaxant) and 1 tsp of Sulfamethoxazole (antibiotic to help prevent UTIs).
  • Put on Adria's diaper, wash face and brush teeth then put on the PJs.
  • Lie Adria in her bed, Johanna joins us but spends most the time crawling all over, in and out of the bed and stepping on sister's hair.
  • Say the Lord's Prayer with Daddy.
  • Read Adria a story, usually from the Highlight's High Five magazine, which arrive monthly. Thanks Grandma!
  • Sing a lullaby. Most nights she asks for her favorite "Hush Little Baby." Mommy is tired of singing it over and over, but she loves it.
  • Kisses to Adria. Lights out. But it's not over yet.
  • Bring Johanna in her room and sit together in rocking chair, while lullabies play in the background.
  • Read her one or two toddler books.
  • Lights out. Rock a few minutes more. Enjoy the sweet smell of her hair or try to contain her if she's in wiggly mode.
  • Kisses to Johanna and into the crib she goes. Night, night. She's just started responding with her own "night-night, ma". So cute!
  • Crash on couch after some minor tidying and relax with my man.
Most nights I love this routine, some nights it seems to go on forever. But it works for us and gives me precious quality time with each of my loves.

Here's a video of Adria and I singing her favorite lullaby.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7F89SW-H9G8

Saturday, August 17, 2013

What exactly is Spina Bifida?

When it comes up in conversation that my daughter has Spina Bifida, people usually find polite ways to say they are not too familiar with what that is. I am never surprised by this, as I would be in the same place had it not become so personal to me.

The hard part is, coming up with a quick and simple answer to the question - What is spina bifida?

As is the case with many medical conditions, particularly those that occur before birth, an easily explained definition is hard to come by. Even for we parents, it is an on-going education as our child grows.

That said, here is my best attempt at a mother's quick answer to this question: She was born with spina bifida. It happens early in the pregnancy when the spinal cord doesn't form properly, which leads to nerve damage that can affect many areas, specifically her ability to walk and run.

Ok, that was easy enough. That answer satisfies most inquisitive minds. However, for the close friends who want to sit down and chat over an after-dinner coffee, the answer is much more complex and detailed. Since I won't have the opportunity to sit with most of you, go ahead and pour yourself a cup of coffee and read on.

Here is an education on spina bifida from my non-scholastic perspective.

The term spina bifida literally means "split spine" in Latin where the spinal column or neural tube does not close all the way while the baby is growing inside mommy. This occurs just about 28 days after conception, usually before mom even knows she's expecting. The cause is unknown and there are many different types and levels of severity when it comes to spina bifida, but the facts are that it is the most common permanently disabling birth defect.

Spina bifida is estimated to occur in 1 out of every 1,000 births worldwide, with a slightly lower incidence rate in the U.S. The Spina Bifida Association claims that every day about eight babies born in the U.S. have spina bifida or a similar birth defect of the brain and spine.

The image below comes from the Mayo Clinic website, and shows the progression of a life beginning to form and how spina bifida occurs.


Those nerves in the spinal cord that never formed properly to begin with, cannot magically grow back into place and start working. Children can learn to function well and adapt to lack of sensation in their limbs and limited bowel/bladder function, but whatever the initial damage is remains. Modern medicine has progressed significantly over the past few decades to help prevent further damage to the spinal cord. Just 100 years ago, the life expectancy and quality of life for someone with spina bifida was significantly worse.

The types of spina bifida have such a broad range that those with the more mild forms may not even know they have it, while others with the most severe are completely wheelchair bound and paralyzed.

I will refer to an information sheet from the Spina Bifida Association of America, to explain the different types:

Occult Spinal Dysraphism (OSD)
Infants with this have a dimple in their lower back. Because
most babies with dimples do not have OSD, a doctor has
to check using special tools and tests to be sure. Other
signs are red marks, hyperpigmented patches on the back,
tufts of hair or small lumps. In OSD, the spinal cord may
not grow the right way and can cause serious problems
as a child grows up.

Spina Bifida Occulta
It is often called “hidden Spina Bifida” because about
15 percent of healthy people have it and do not know
it. Spina Bifida Occulta usually does not cause harm,
and has no visible signs. People find out they have it after
having an X-ray of their back, normally done for other reasons.
However, in a small group of people with SBO, pain and
neurological symptoms may occur.

Meningocele
A meningocele causes part of the spinal cord to come
through the spine like a sac that is pushed out. Nerve
fluid is in the sac, and there is usually no nerve damage.
Individuals with this condition may have minor disabilities.


Myelomeningocele (Meningomyelocele), also called Spina Bifida Cystica
This is the most severe form of Spina Bifida. It happens
when parts of the spinal cord and nerves come through
the open part of the spine. It causes nerve damage and
other disabilities. Seventy to ninety percent of children with
this condition also have too much fluid on their brains.

This happens because fluid that protects the brain and
spinal cord is unable to drain like it should. The fluid builds
up, causing pressure and swelling. Without treatment, a
person’s head grows too big, and may have brain damage.
Children who do not have Spina Bifida can also have this
problem, so parents need to check with a doctor.


Unfortunately, the most severe type is also the most common type of spina bifida and that is what our little girl has - myelomeningocele.

As the image above demonstrates, with this type of spina bifida, the baby's spinal cord literally protrudes from her back in sac, or a bubble as we try to explain it to our 4 year old.

This sac can protrude anywhere from the lower spine, which is most typical, to one of the vertebrae at the top of the spine. The higher the lesion is on the spine, the worse the permanent damage. Amazingly, a child's function can vary significantly even if it's just one vertebrae higher on the spine. At the children's hospital, the doctor recently referred to Adria as "one of our L-4/L-5 kiddos." That is where her spina bifida occurred in the lumbar region of the spine and those that know about it, have a good sense of her abilities with just that statement.

The below diagram of the spine from spinabifidaassociation.org, details the different regions and expected functional abilities based on where the spina bifida occurred.


Now, all that may seem like a very lengthy, detailed description of this life-altering condition. Really this is just the beginning.

Because the spinal cord is the core of our central nervous system, damage from spina bifida can be far-reaching. This includes problems with walking and getting around, ability to go to the bathroom, hydrocephalus, gastrointestinal disorders, obesity, latex allergy, tendonitis, depression, sexual issues, and possible learning disabilities.

As the doctors say, every child is unique and no two individuals display all the same symptoms and challenges.

It is a daily education for us to learn our daughter's needs and how to best equip her for a full and fulfilling life. Through it all, there is one thing that remains the same, one thing that every parent can do to give their children the best life, disability or not. SHOW them LOVE.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

A full and fun Saturday

What a welcome Saturday off! I have worked the last two weekends and my only day off in the last 10 days involved a trip to the children's hospital, which is a 3-hour round trip drive. 
 
Needless to say, Hubby and I were both more than ready for a break. And we did have a full and fun day.
 
I wanted to give him some time away from his "Daddy job" and to spend time together. We brought the girls to stay with their Aunt while we spent the morning at Trap Pond State Park playing disc golf. Also known as frisbee golf, this is Daddy's favorite hobby and he's gotten very good at it. I am not, but that's ok, I AM a huge fan of walking through the woods together. It's a win-win date :)
 

In the afternoon, we brought a surprise for the girls! It just so happens that a couple I recently sold a home to had an old swing set right where the new home is to be built. I kindly offered our services to "remove" the set. With Grandad's help, we got a swing set for free and the couple got a cleared yard. Another win-win! 

I'm so thankful to have family around to help, both in tough times and in fun times. The girls are thrilled with the play set. Daddy will have to make a few adjustments to the steps for the girls to be able to climb up to the slide, but other than that, it's great for a 16 year old set.

After finishing the day with a trip to Wal-mart and some cleaning, I'm enjoying solitude with Pandora playing, freshly painted hot pink nails drying, and of course, writing.

Days like these we want to remember.