That day at McDonald’s when I got the call…that changed us

Each of us has defining moments in life. Some are great – Winning a championship, getting the acceptance letter to college, saying yes to a marriage proposal, seeing the plus sign on the pregnancy test, etc. Then, there are those that break us – losing your job, learning dad has cancer, having a miscarriage, hearing an accident has taken away your loved one way too soon. We don't ever forget where we were in that moment.

My moment came in the parking lot of a McDonalds in Dagsboro, Del. It was May 5, 2008. I was feeling great and barely noticeably pregnant at 20 weeks along. My co-worker Alison and I had just stopped for lunch after our weekly morning sales meeting before heading back to our new home models.

There was a voicemail on my phone; as I listened to it and heard the voice of an OB doctor I had never met instead of the midwife I'd been seeing, I was alarmed. I had just had my first ultrasound the previous Friday afternoon, it was a long appointment that lasted over 45 minutes with a full bladder, but it had been a special time of seeing our baby's form for the first time and learning she was most likely a girl. The ultrasound tech had been pretty quiet and just sent us on our way simply saying our doctor would review it.

I called back. The OB said he wanted to tell me in person, if I was nearby. No…what's going on?

Then it came out – It appears your baby has an abnormality of the spine. They could not be sure, but it appeared to be spina bifida of the sacrum.

He said he's sorry to tell me over the phone. I need to get a Level 2 ultrasound with a specialist to assess things. And then the call ended.

What is this that's wrong with my baby? I've heard of it, but know nothing.

I had somehow maintained relative composure during the call, but as I called my husband to break the news…I lost it.

Start sobbing. Confusion. Uncertainty. Hopes and Dreams come crashing down. Barely able to speak. He told me to come home, we needed to be together.

My friend Alison came back out of McDonalds to check on me and gave a big hug as I tried to tell her. I couldn't eat. I knew I couldn't work. I could barely drive.

My head spun as I drove the 40 minutes home. The thought of my baby being handicapped or disabled had never even occurred to me as a possibility.

I am the second of 4 healthy children that my mom gave birth to naturally. My husband is one of 8 children, not one born with any serious health concerns, and most born in a home not a hospital. In fact, both my husband and I were healthy babies born in a home environment. He in a small cabin in Ontario, Canada; me in a duplex home in the tiny town of Greenwood, Delaware.

When I had gotten pregnant in December, it happened easily, just a month after stopping preventative measures. I was at the peak of my personal fitness and in the prime of my life at 25 years old at the time of conception. Just a couple months prior, I had run my first (and only full) marathon of over 26 miles through the rolling hills of San Francisco, Calif.

To date, my pregnancy had been great with just the normal exhaustion that comes with life forming inside me, and I'd had minimal nausea or morning sickness.

Maybe they made a mistake. This really was not possible for me. For us. Was it?

We scheduled an appointment for the very next day to see get the level 2 ultrasound with a specialist in Annapolis, Md. At just over an hour away, that was the closest one to my home.

My husband and I would just have to wait until then to learn more. That night we held each other close and prayed for our baby.