Imagine if...an Angel appeared 15 Years Ago

Imagine this...

It's the morning of June 3, 1999 and I'm trying to put together a valedictorian speech to deliver at my high school graduation later that day. I lost my original speech during our class trip, so I'm trying to think of something intelligent and inspiring to share.

Suddenly an Angel appears. I am in awe. She sees my dilemma and offers assistance.

"Would it help provide inspiration if I gave you a glimpse into your life 15 years from now?" the Angel asks.

"Wow, YES! At least I think so," I eagerly respond.

"You must be sure, for I will reveal a great deal of things," the Angel adds.

"Go ahead, tell me," is the reply of this naive and blindly optimistic 17 year old.

The Angel proceeds...
"In 15 years you will have been married 10 years to a handsome man who has been a faithful and loving husband.
Together you have two beautiful daughters, who are your greatest joys.
You have lived in 3 new homes, and you now live on a large wooded lot in the country.
You earned two college degrees, graduating with honors.
You have a successful career in sales and marketing.
You have provided more than 100 families with new homes.
You finished a marathon run.
Your husband and you became youth leaders and part of the church leadership.

You visited more than a dozen countries, walking on ancient roads and pristine beaches.

You have friends and family all around you.

You are strong, healthy and well."

The Angel pauses. I'm amazed and smiling.

"Really? Thank you! What did I do to deserve such a blessed life?!" I ask her.

"There is more," the Angel continues...

"On this day in 15 years you will spend seven hours sitting in a children's hospital.
Your oldest daughter was born with spina bifida, and she requires doctors to assist you in her lifelong challenges with mobility, incontinence, and more.
Your husband has endured life-altering seizures for more than three years. He loses strength in his body and many memories fade away as a result of this trauma.
You have wiped pools of blood off your kitchen floor, more than once.

You are solely responsible for providing your family's financial needs.

You do this by working most weekends.
You have moved more than a dozen times.
You have made choices that cause permanent wounds to those you love most.
You have cried alone countless nights.
You have watched friends lose parents, husbands and babies.
You carried a child that you never met.
You underwent emergency surgery on your 29th birthday.
You faced a time of deep depression after your second daughter's birth.
You stopped regularly attending church and almost stopped praying for a time.
You have been so afraid or hurt that you have lost consciousness several times.

You often feel empty and lost as you watch your life fly by in a blur of joys and sorrows.

You almost lost everything, yet you still have so much.

That is what is to come in your life, Julleanna. Does that help you at all?" she concludes.

Suddenly, I feel sick to my stomach. The beautiful vision of my life has been tainted with surprising realities. It's too much to take in. Too much to conceive all these things at once. Why is there so much struggle mixed with so much good? How can I put this into words? What can I say to help prepare my classmates, to help prepare myself for what life will bring? The words never come for I am too young and not prepared to know my life.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Though the angel is an imagination and clearly never appeared, the events of my life are true and real. On days when I focus on the positive, I am full of joy and hope for our future and our life as a family. But I admit that there are too many days when I question my decisions, question why my husband and daughter face major health issues, and question if I am on the right path for my life. It's a struggle. My dear husband endures this more patiently than I deserve, yet he challenges me to not dwell on these questions and emotions.

For this is Life. It is good. It is bad. It is happy. It is sad. It is exciting. It is boring. It is delightful. It is stressful. It is unexpected. It is perplexing. It is wonderful. It is terrible. It is what you make it. It is what comes your way. And it is full of as much love as you are willing to give and receive.

Maybe that is what I would have said 15 years ago on that graduation stage had I known what is to come. But thank God, an angel did not appear to foretell the future for we are rarely capable of comprehending it at once. Instead, He gives us a new sunrise every morning. Life comes one minute, one hour, one day at a time. And it is in the present day we must Live. Not dwelling on our yesterdays. Not dreaming for or dreading our tomorrows. This is something I must learn to do.

Look at the last 15 years of your life. The events may be vastly different than mine but there is likely a roller coaster of unexpected ups and downs. I hope that you can find the good and focus on the blessings and find strength of character through the struggles.

This morning, my good is seeing these little sweeties sprawled across their bed :)