Why is it always a fight?

Opening a letter on Sunday morning should not be so upsetting. But it was.

Of course anytime I open an envelope with the that BlueCross BlueShield logo in the corner, there is a bit of trepidation that accompanies me. The mystery of its contents give cause for fear.

• Will it be another monthly bill with an incorrect amount due? 
• Will they have failed to cover our recent visit to the children's hospital? 
• Or how much will we owe after the 80% coverage of doctors visits and tests?
• How many phone calls will I have to make to correct any errors in our coverage?

After six years of on-going, never-ending medicals needs, bills and claims I have learned...It's always a fight...to get the coverage you're paying good money for.

But still, after six years the disappointment of bad news can ruin my morning. As it did today.

The letter was in reference to NUMOTION - the company that will be supplying Adria with her new wheelchair. We went to AI duPont Hospital for Children in August to have her fitted for a wheelchair for the first time (which you can read about HERE), as she's outgrowing strollers and will likely require assistance for walking longer distances.

I read the words of the letter, "We have completed a review...requesting coverage for services...it has been determined that this item is not eligible for reimbursement..."

How do I describe the subsequent emotions? Annoyed. Frustrated. Angry. Helpless. Discouraged. Overwhelmed. Deep disappointment.

Why is it always a fight?

I'm so tired of fighting YOU - Health Insurance. Fighting for my daughter's health. Fighting for her to be able to get some of her basic needs addressed. Fighting to cover my husband's doctors bills and monthly medications. Isn't it enough that YOU and multiple other health organizations get over $10,000 out of my pocket every year? Is that not enough? Do you just want me to give up and settle for less provision?

Am I being punished for my family's health challenges? I didn't take medications or drugs while pregnant that caused my daughter's birth defect. It just happened. No explanation.

My husband was never an alcoholic or drug abuser before having seizures. They just appeared. No explanation.

But they are on-going things that impact our lives EVERY SINGLE DAY... It's not that I want to constantly use YOUR services. It's that I need to. 

I believe in God, who is the ultimate Healer. And I believe He has healed my family in many ways. Yet I still feel largely dependent on YOU. And vulnerable.

For years, I've had to fight for reasonable prices on medical supplies just so my daughter can have some of life's most basic needs taken care of - emptying her bladder and bowel. We take for granted going pee and poop as needed, but for her it's not so easy. And the fight to figure it all out continues.

And now YOU want me to fight for a wheelchair? Because we all know that if it's not covered, we're talking thousands of dollars. She'll be fine without it I suppose. I hope. I pray.

But I'm not giving up that easily. YOU bring me down and make me cry. But I still have some fight left. As long as I have these people I love around me, I will fight for what's best for them.

I just wish I didn't have to fight so often.

The End.

Free Breakfast and Lunch

Adria loves Kindergarten. This fact is not in question.

She's excited to put on her school uniform every morning and exhausted by the day's fun when she gets home. It's a pretty long day for her, with school starting at 8:45 a.m. and ending at 3:50 p.m., but she's adjusted well. There was a minor breakdown on Friday afternoon after her first full week,

but otherwise she's had nothing but good things to report.

Yeah! It's a big step to send our baby girl away all-day, everyday and trust that she'll be in good hands. And from what I've heard, not all the kindergarten students are doing well with the transition into school.

Adria loves many things about school, but the highlights of her day that she always likes to share include what she had for breakfast and lunch. Her pallet can be rather picky, but this girl loves good food!

She insists on not eating breakfast at home because it's provided at school.

Most days I like to walk her down the halls and drop her off directly at her classroom, so I've seen her little morning routine a few times:

• She turns over the star tag with her name to indicate she's in attendance
• Takes her "agenda" book out of her backpack (which I have to sign every night and indicates her behavior that day...always good)
• Hangs up her backpack while saying hello to her friends
• Swaggers over to a table covered with milk, juice and pancake packets or whatever the breakfast fair of the day is
• Piles her arms full of food and drink and takes it to her table
• Proceeds to enjoy her morning breakfast and chatting with her classmates at the table

It's all pretty adorable really, yet makes her seem so grown up.

Adria at recess with two of her best buddies

A few hours later, around 11:30 a.m. they head to the school cafeteria where she waits in line for her tray of food. We have the monthly school menu on our refrigerator, so I see the good diversity in the meals served and the healthy choices provided. At first, I always asked her if she ate her fruits and veggies that day, but now she'll usually tell me without asking :)

The best part of the two meals a day that they serve children at Adria's school, is that they are all FREE!

I was surprised to learn this because I thought only certain students who "qualified" based on their family income would get free lunches. Apparently that has been the case in the past, but for the first time this year Breakfast and Lunch are free to ALL students in the Woodbridge School District.

There is a new program called the Community Eligibility Provision in School Nutrition that basically says if more than 40% of students in a school district qualify for free or reduced price meals, the whole school will get free meals.

Here is what the school website says:

Community Eligibility Provision in School Nutrition Programs

Beginning with the school year 2014-2015, students that attend Woodbridge School District will be able to eat school breakfast and/or lunch at no cost due to USDA’s Community Eligibility Provision.

Community Eligibility Provision was enacted as a result of the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act 2010 and provides universal meal service to students in schools/districts that qualify.   The CEP is an alternative to collecting, approving, and verifying household eligibility applications for free and reduced price meal benefits.  If a school has an Identified Student Percentage of at least 40, the entire school qualifies for the CEP. 

Good nutrition can contribute to the academic success of students.  USDA encourages districts/schools that qualify for the CEP to consider this option and the many benefits it provides:

• Reduced administrative cost and burden in preparing, distributing, and processing annual free and reduced applications
• Streamlined meal service at the Point of Service
• No school meal debt, all students eat free
• No overt identification of student eligibility

For more information, please contact Bonnie C. Workman, Coordinator for Woodbridge Food Services at
302-337-7990, ext. 207.

While this does give proof that we do not live in an "economically vibrant" area, I am still very thankful for the opportunity for Adria and our family to benefit from the tax dollars we pay. Where we live in western Sussex County, Delaware is a rural community full of farmers, chicken house owners, and blue-collar laborers. There are doctors and small business owners who do well, but for the most part incomes are lower than the national average. For example, the median household income in our town is less than $35,000/year, which is well below the national average of more than $50,000/year (according www.census.gov)

At the end of the day, I know there are some challenges that come from living in a lower income area, but I am thankful for God's provision for our family and this is another way I can appreciate that. I work hard to create a good living for us and am not ashamed to take advantage of a good opportunity.

Last week, I had the chance to step away from work and surprise Adria for lunch. It was quite an experience to be in a cafeteria full of Kindergarten students, but I enjoyed it. And for the modest price of $3.50 I enjoyed a lunch of shepherd's pie, salad, apple, roll and chocolate milk :)

Big girl carrying her lunch tray through the cafeteria.

The special lunch crowd I dined with last week.

And the fun kids across the table who liked getting their picture taken.
(Believe it or not, I let the boy on the left take this next picture for me)

Yeah for lunch with my girlie!

And now trying to get my phone back from the little boy...

Since I work just a block away from Adria's school, I'm hoping to find time to occasionally escape the model home and join her for lunch. It really was a special treat!

Let's see...what's on today's menu? Soup, grilled cheese and fresh fruit. She'll love that!

The Crime Scene in our Kitchen

Today I came home from work, gave Adrian a kiss, received sweet hugs from two little girls, and started dinner. It was a gloriously normal day. I appreciate these days.

Not all days have been so normal.

I have not shared a post about Adrian's seizures in a while because they thankfully have not impacted us for some time. Last week marked 18 months since his last grand mal seizure! Praise the Lord!

But I happened to be looking through my old journal recently and noticed that this day was not so normal four years ago. In fact, it was one of our more surprising and frightening days. It was the day I came home to what looked like a crime scene in our kitchen...

At the time, we had made the major move from Delaware to Indiana just a few months prior. We were living in a two bedroom apartment about 15 minutes from downtown Indianapolis and enjoying the change and new opportunities.

We did not think much about Adrian's seizures and any risk because he had the three in a row in Dec./January, but that was it. Countless tests and studies earlier that year had found nothing "wrong" with him, so we tossed it all out as a stress induced fluke.

But this time four years ago, we realized it was not over. Without warning or cause, it happened again.

These are the words I penned that night...

Friday, September 17, 2010

Our week just took a turn... Last night when I walked in our apartment at 7:30, Adria greeted me loudly from her seat at the card table, "Mommy's home!"

A moment later Adrian walked toward me with a dazed look on his face, almost immediately I noticed the streaks of blood on his cheek then on his hands and all over his shorts, but none on his bare chest. Fear filled me.

I asked him to open his mouth and saw the familiar gash on the side of his tongue, and then I knew...he'd had another seizure!

He was still delirious and after talking more with him later in the night, it seems to have happened around 7:00, or shortly before I got home.

I sat him down then walked around to try to figure out where it happened. First, I found his button-up shirt crumpled up on the guest bed in Adria's room. There were 2 huge circles of blood on the shoulders and smears elsewhere, but almost nothing on the bed. I was surprised to see the shirt still buttoned, since it obviously came off after the incident.

I then went to our room to look for more blood and did not find any. It was a while before I went into the kitchen and saw that was unquestionably where the seizure had happened.

Blood smears covered the wall and refrigerator with splotches on several cabinets. But it was the large puddle of blood at the base of the frig that really caused me to shudder. It looked like a crime scene, and I took pictures to prove it. I could not believe all that blood had come from a single wound.

I took this photo of our kitchen after I had cleaned up a lot of the blood. 

Blood stains on the clothes Adrian had been wearing during the seizure.

I cried. Adrian cried. Why had this happened? Why now? Why in the middle of the day when he was awake? (2 of the 3 previous had been in the night) Why was there no warning?

We held each other and let the tears fall.

Meanwhile, Adria seemed oblivious to anything unusual and kept repeating, "All done Mommy, get up."

I picked her up and held her, thankful she was okay but wondering what could happen to her if another seizure came at the wrong time and if Ade did something to unintentionally harm her in his post-distentia confusion.

So many thoughts and questions ran through my head, including, "Should we move back to Delaware?"

Adrian hasn't had a grand mal seizure since January. Plus this happened in the wake of some new challenges with Adria. 

On Wednesday we had met with the urologist, Dr. Martin Kaeffer, at Riley Hospital. The results of her urodynamics study showed that she had high pressure in her bladder and was not emptying well.

He recommended that we start her on a regular catheterization program. He said this was important because without it, there is a strong likelihood that she might need bladder enlargement surgery by the time she's 7 or 8.

We definitely weren't anticipating that news. We left the hospital with a bag of supplies to start cathing Adria every 4 hours. Ugh!

Ade had done it 2 times by himself on Thursday, and I wonder if the mental and emotional stress of starting this new routine that will continue for years had an impact on his seizure. Not sure...but it's not easy.


That was the end of my entry four years ago. It's hard to remember that day. And it's impossible to explain how it felt. May there never be another day where I have wring so much blood out of a dish towel.

But we were not left alone. Adrian's mom flew out to help us and then my husband and Adria flew back to Delaware for a week. I missed them so much.

Sweet picture of Adria enjoying the fact that Granny came to visit and help us.

Reading with Granny.

It was a day we fell down and found it very hard to get up again. But four years later, I can tell this story with the peace that we finally don't feel like we are living in constant fear of this recurring. Progress has been made, and hope is alive. May it continue!

Adrian and Adria looking good less than a month after the seizure.

The Housing Roller Coaster

Two simple questions appeared on the computer screen before I began the on-line job application....

1. Are you willing to work most weekends?
2. Are you willing to work on full commission?

In truth, I wanted to answer NO to both questions, but I had been out of work for three months and kept hitting dead ends in my job search. I clicked YES for both.

After multiple on-line tests, two phone interviews, and four in person interviews, Ryan Homes offered me a job in August 2007. I figured if I made it through all that, I may as well give this a shot.

Thus began my career in NEW HOME sales and marketing. Seven years later, I am still working most weekends and still providing for my family on commission income. I barely survived the worst housing slump since home mortgages have been around, but through it all I've helped more than 100 individuals, couples and families achieve the American dream of owning a new home.

It's a job that's impossible to understand and appreciate until you've tried it. It's only suited for certain personality types, primarily goal-oriented extroverts. And it'll take you on a wild roller coaster ride of Ups and Downs. But if you survive...and SELL HOMES, you will make a decent living.

A new home I sold under construction nearby our house.

The same home pictured above, just a few weeks later.

My Housing Roller Coaster

We've all heard many stories and many of us have been personally impacted by the wildly changing housing market of the last several years. I had a front row seat to all the action, and it was a crazy ride! If you feel like it, ride along with me... (Some of this was mentioned in my post Our Crazy Timeline - 9 Moves in 10 Years.)

• August 2007: I started with Ryan Homes in Maryland as a sales assistant on salary, about a year after the housing bubble had burst. Most statistics agree that housing prices reached their highest point in mid-2006 before beginning an abrupt decline.... Moral of this story, I started in this career just as it was getting really tough!
• December 2007: I was promoted to Sales and Marketing Representative in new home community in Easton, Maryland where homes sold for about $500,000. The previous sales rep had quit since he had not sold anything in four months. I wrote 4 new home contracts in my first month of sales. Maybe I could be good at this. Up we go!
• Spring 2008: We found out Adrian and I were expecting our first baby! I continued to sell homes at a steady pace (about 3 homes a month), but other sales reps in our division did not. Without warning, one day they called us into the main office and announced they were closing the doors. Half the people lost their jobs, and the other half of us were sent to other divisions. Yikes - Down we go! I joined Delaware South.
• May 2008: Earned the award Rookie of the Year for our division, which had just been dissolved. Up! However, I was not at the annual meeting to accept it...That same day I was at a specialist learning that the baby I carried had spina bifida (Read "The Worst Question I was ever asked!") Down.
• Summer 2008: Even with the life-changing news about our daughter, I continued to work and sell homes around $200K in a townhome community. Pregnancy worked in my favor, and I even sold 4 homes the week before I went out on maternity leave. Up!
• September 2008: Our baby Adria was born and had surgery on her spina bifida bubble at a day old and was in the NICU for two weeks. I'll never forget sitting in the NICU a few days after her birth when news of the stock market crash flashed on the TV screens. Nurses were almost in a panic over how much money they had lost in their retirement savings accounts. But my whole world was centered around the tiny baby in front of me. The crash didn't seem like such a big deal to me compared to the unknowns in our baby's future... But then my husband lost his job. The economy was rapidly changing. Down.
• November 2008: I return to work in the same community where I sold well that summer. Apparently, everything had changed. Banks were going under. Loans guidelines were tightening to the point it was almost impossible to sell...and it was the holiday season. For the next three months, I did not sell a home and we began living off credit cards. Further Down.
• May 2009: Ryan Homes entered a new high-end golf course retirement community just 15 minutes from my home. I open up the new model home and sell 18 new homes by the end of the year. Up! 
• January 2010: Suddenly sales stop for me as housing values continue to plummet and people decide to wait to retire or sell their homes. They wanted to "wait until the market gets better" to make any move. Down. At the same time, my husband Adrian endured a series of three seizures that came out of nowhere with no warning. Really down.
• March 2010: Three months without a home sale plus an onslaught of medical bills...We put our own beautiful house on the market. Less than 3 weeks later our home was under contract, and we were making plans to move. Up (and Down).
• May 2010: Pack up our belongings and travel west to the new Ryan Homes division in Indianapolis. They were booming with sales with low real estate prices and the federal stimulus for First Time Homebuyers, plus we had some friends out there.
• January 2011: Selling in a new home community south of Indianapolis with starting prices around just $100,000...some the best prices but it introduced me to an entirely new clientele: the credit challenged buyer. I saw a different side of America's middle class as more than half those who came into the model home had experienced bankruptcy at some point. So many difficult stories, but still there were those who could buy. Down then Up. We also moved into our own new Ryan Home this month (taking advantage of the 10% discount I got).
• December 2011: Finish the year strong with more new home sales than any other sales rep in the Indianapolis Ryan Homes division. Our second daughter Johanna was born. Up! But while I was on maternity leave, Adrian had another series of three debilitating seizures. Down.
• March 2012: Return to work and fight for sales in a new community that had not previously performed well. Down. Earn two top sales awards for my performance in 2011 at the Indianapolis annual meeting. Up.
• August 2012: Relocate to Richmond, Virginia with Ryan Homes. The region performs well, but I struggle to adjust to the area and buyer profile.
• January 2013: I was able to sell many homes around the end of the year and earn a company sponsored trip to Atlantis in the Bahamas. Up! The region prospers in the spring with promotions and new opportunities, but health issues continue to rattle our family.
• May 2013: After the nearly six year roller coaster ride, I accepted a job offer from a small custom builder back in Delaware and left Ryan Homes. Both Up and Down. Unfortunately, I had to walk away from $1,000s in commission on homes that were still under construction. 
• September 2013: The housing market is showing great signs of rebounding, but I struggle to adjust to the vastly different approach of custom designed and built homes versus the production builder approach. Sales are slow in coming. Down.
• May 2014: Many people looking and ready to build, and I sell 6 custom homes in 5 weeks. Up!
• August 2014: Our small team at Bay to Beach Builders created and built a new Model Home with a an impressive Design Studio that's unlike almost anything in our region. We welcomed about 500 visitors through our "Idea Home" during Grand Opening Weekend! The future is Looking Up! 
• September 2014: For the first time ever, there are three homes I've sold under construction within a mile of our home. Not only am I providing for our family, but I'm getting some great neighbors too!

One of our soon-to-be neighbors is a sweet young couple who will be moving into this new home about the same time they learn whether their first child will be a boy or a girl! 

There is so much more that could be said about my experiences selling in four different states to all types of people from the low income, poor credit buyers to those with millions in their bank accounts. It's been a journey and a wild roller coaster ride that I wanted to get off of many times. But every time I thought we couldn't make it another day, God sent someone through that door who was ready, willing and able to buy a home. 

He always provided.

Celebrating All Her Birthdays

For once, little sister Johanna had gone to bed early. It was a few nights ago, and Adria and I sat snuggled together on the couch. We chatted about her day and talked about her upcoming birthday. Yesterday was her sixth birthday!

I told her that it's exciting to see her turn six years old, but I remember so well the day she was born. That incredible day that I met her for the first time. I told her about Mommy and Daddy going to the hospital and how there were so many people around to help us and make sure that she was safe and cared for. I told her again about the bubble she had on her back from spina bifida. I told her how I really wanted to hold her, but I was not able to. I told her how I just got to touch her shoulder and talk to her for a few minutes, before she had to leave Mommy.

When I said this, Adria's voice took on a sad tone, "Why did I have to leave you Mommy?"

"The doctors had to take you away to a different hospital to operate on your bubble, they were taking very good care of you," I said. "But Mommy did not get to see you again until four days later."

"Oh Mommy, that makes me sad," Adria said as she snuggled closer and looked almost at the point of tears, "I really missed you."

Ugh, she knows how to tug at my heart strings. She is such a sensitive and emotionally aware little girl.

"I really missed you too, Sweetheart, but Daddy was able to be with you on those days and now we get to be together every day!"

It's the first time I remember talking with her about some of these details of her birth, as she's now getting old enough to understand. It was a special moment we shared together that night, and I wondered if there's any chance that she has any recollection of her early days. I seriously doubt it, but maybe it's possible.

Our baby Adria just hours old on her Birth Day - Sept. 8, 2008

I remember those days very well. I remember how beautiful she was even as a tiny little baby. I remember how once I saw her again in the NICU, I didn't want to leave her. I remember waking up in the middle of the night at the Ronald McDonald House to pump breast milk for her, since she was not able to nurse that first week as her back healed from surgery. I remember feeling so unprepared and unaware of the journey ahead for her and for us, yet trusting that we would all be okay.

And here she is six years later...full of life, love, energy and enthusiasm! She now walks into her kindergarten class, just like the other children, actually she has her own special swagger ;)

Sure, her life is different than most children and we had to make special provisions for her at school, but she is a healthy, confident and social little lady that we are so proud of.

Happy 6th Birthday Adria!

We have loved watching her grow and celebrating every year over the past six years. No matter where life took us, we always came back to Delaware to celebrate her big day with family (though sometimes a few weeks early)!

Adria's First Birthday

Celebrated with a Colorful Flowers theme at our home in Greenwood, Delaware.

Adria's Second Birthday

Celebrated with a Curious George theme at Aunt Bon's house during a visit to Delaware. We had moved to an apartment in Indianapolis, IN a few months before.

Adria's Third Birthday

A simple celebration at Granny's house during a visit to Delaware in August then at our new home in Greenwood, IN on her actual birthday.

Adria's Fourth Birthday

Celebrated with a Strawberry Shortcake theme at Grandma Outten's house during a visit to Delaware. We had moved to our home in Chesterfield, VA a month earlier.

Adria's Fifth Birthday

Celebrated with a Purple Princess Party and lots of little girls in the backyard of our rented home in Bridgeville, DE where we had moved in April.

Adria's Sixth Birthday

Family Celebration with a Minnie Mouse theme at a friend's beach house we stayed in at Broadkill Beach over the weekend. Fun times! The girls even played in the warm bay water fully clothed...

Yesterday, mommy brought cupcakes to share with Adria's kindergarten class on her birthday. And later we went to her favorite dessert place... Sweet Frog in Lewes with friends. (Now we need to cut back on all the sugar!)

Adria has traveled much with us and experienced a great deal in her six years. I like to think it's helped shape her into the amazing little gal she is!

Her First Day of School

On this day six years ago, we were sitting in Christiana Hospital ready and excited to meet our baby girl for the first time. But, she was not ready to meet us. Mommy's C-section delivery was rescheduled for several days later. (Read more about that day HERE.)

Today, the roles were reversed. Our baby girl was ready and excited to go to her first day of Kindergarten! But, we were not quite ready for this day. Yet we were so proud of this girl!

We still vividly remember the disappointment on that September 2 day six years ago, when we didn't get to meet her. The day when we still wondered what she would look like and whether she'd ever be able to walk.

Today, we got to WALK with Adria as she entered her new school, excited to start Kindergarten. Amazing.

Yesterday, the first words out of her mouth while still in bed were...

"TOMORROW! FINALLY...I GET TO GO TO SCHOOL. I'VE BEEN WAITING YEARS AND YEARS!"

Hahaha!!! She's too funny.

And of course, we had to photo document this momentous day...

She specifically picked this outfit to wear for her first day.

And baby sister had to join in and show off her Frozen backpack too.

Daddy bought his girls Frozen backpack (Yes, we labeled them...)

Okay, look at Mommy and smile.

Pretty please, look at Mommy for one photo...

Thank you, sweetie! (Even if the sign's not that visible.)

We made it to school on time...yeah! (Mommy had a nightmare about this 2 days before.)

Yeah, the morning sun was bright on this super hot September day.

Just before going in, we saw a familiar face and had her take a family photo. 

Thank you, Laura Schrock!

Running inside!

Right away, Adria saw her pre-school teachers from last year, who were there

to help greet the new Kindergarten class and be familiar faces. She was thrilled!

She almost knocked over her pre-school teacher Mrs. Mozingo with her surprise hug.

Waiting in the gym for the school buses to arrive with the rest of her class.

Sitting with her pre-school friend Tanner.

More of the 18 students in her culturally diverse class arrived.

Selfie shot, while Mommy fights to hold back the tears.

Mommy managed to keep the tears back until I walked back to the van with Daddy and baby sister. There were just a few minutes to shed tears, because right after we dropped of Adria for her first day of Kindergarten, we had to take little sister Johanna to her pre-school Open House. (She starts tomorrow.)

Checking out Johanna's pre-school in Seaford. She'll attend two mornings a week.

Johanna tries out some toys in her classroom.

Their daily schedule is on the wall.

The best part of pre-school...she'll attend with her friend Ali, who is just one day younger.

This is going to be fun. They have baby dolls :)

Ali and Johanna checking out some games.

We greeted other parents and her teachers, but only stayed for about 30 minutes. Mommy still had to get to work after this exciting (and emotion filled) morning! It was a long day as I had to deal with a tough customer and later needed to stay after hours for an appointment.

But, I was able to get the report from Adria that she loved her first day and looks forward to tomorrow. Her teachers agreed...

And she colored this cute picture.

But by the time we needed to get ready for bed...we were all a little grumpy and tired.

Speaking of tired...I seriously need to get to bed.

Thank you, Lord, for preparing us and our daughter's for this special day!

(As you can read HERE, we had much to prepare.)