The Pressures of a Woman

Do you feel it? The Pressure. The Expectation. The need to perform in so many different areas of life, leaving you exhausted and empty.

Recently, I took my pregnancy glucose test, which involves drinking a bottle of sugary orange drink and sitting for an hour at the lab before they take your blood. During that waiting period at LabCorp, a show called The Talk came on (which I never watch since I'm usually at work) and one topic the women covered was whether they've been able to have a good balance of Work Life/Social Life.

It got me thinking about the question that was posed...Can we have it ALL?

By many appearances, some might say that I do have "it All" - a handsome and loving husband, beautiful children, my own home, a successful career, many friends, and a supportive extended family. And it is a wonderful thing to be so richly blessed...To God be the Glory!

But let me tell you, having "it All" does not come easy. It comes with pressure...lots of pressure. I think many of you can relate and will know what I mean.

Our American culture and society has created this image of what a successful woman and mother should look like and be like. And so often we listen to that, we give in and feel those expectations weigh down on us every day.

Let's take a look at each of the areas of Blessing, which also become Pressure areas of our lives.

Husband

When we are young we dream of finding our Prince Charming. Should we be so fortunate to experience the intimate bond with a husband, we quickly realize there are vast differences in our behaviors and views on life, causing even the most minor issue to escalate into all-out war within the home. We learn marriage is much less about kissing and cuddling, and more about giving and compromise. And to keep the marriage alive, we must give of ourselves...Give our husband respect, give him time and attention, and give our body to him. These are critical things, yet as life pulls us in every direction, every day, giving to our husbands can be the first thing we neglect. It is a treasure to be married, but it comes with pressure.

Children

These precious babies that we carry or adopt or care for as aunt/step-mom/grandma, they give us some of the greatest joy that we can experience in life. And some of the greatest pain and stress. Each day we have the pressure to not only love and care for them, but to teach them about life and faith and shape their worldview. But these lessons are rarely a structured teaching session as we find ourselves frazzled and raising our voices for the fighting to stop or for them to eat their vegetables and stop sneaking candy out of the the pantry! And we need to make time to PLAY with them, which can be fun but also exhausting. Oh yes, and feed them healthy meals that they actually might eat three times a day. It's a daily battle to be the Mom we want to be, the Mom we think we should be.

Home

And then there's our home. We want it to be a haven of rest and peace, but it's seriously a never ending job to keep the place looking decent. Just when we've finished the laundry, cleaning dishes, and sweeping the floor, we walk into another room and find it covered with crushed crackers, a multitude of toys, and possibly marker on the wall. It's day in and day out. The same tasks over and over and over again. Though on this front, I have to give my husband a great deal of credit. As the stay-at-home parent, he feels this pressure much more than I and really does a great job keeping our home clean and comfortable.

Work and Finances

Whether our work is the full-time care of our home and children or employment outside the home, we have the pressure to do it well and provide for our family. We strive to contribute so that our family can be well fed and clothed and possibly enjoy some fun excursions. As the sole income earner for our family over the past six years, this is a huge pressure area for me as I work on commission, which forces great performance in order to make a good living and bring home a paycheck. It's been a constant roller coaster of never knowing what our income would be month to month and year to year. Yet any time I feared it would not be enough, God provided. At times the provision has been exceedingly abundant, other times it was just enough. Still, we face the constant pressure to balance our finances with needs and wants, paying off debt, saving for the future, and keeping up with the monthly bills.

Faith and Church

We are blessed to live a life of faith, where we can trust in our Heavenly Father to guide our path. Yet even as we experience this joy of knowing God, we feel the pressure to spend more time in devotion, in Bible study and in prayer. We struggle with "making time" for this relationship that really should be the underlying thread of everything we do. And as we go to church, we feel the pressure to give and serve. We volunteer for duties and tasks that we hope help others and are appreciated yet are often unseen. I admire the commitment of so many that I see in our church, as we are limited in the extent we can give here.

Health and Beauty

In the midst of it all, we have our health to consider. This incredible human body that requires daily maintenance and upkeep to function properly. It's the pressure to eat well, exercise more and find time for rest. We see images all around of what we wish we looked like or felt like. And we struggle to be content and love the body we have been given, yet embrace our responsibility to keep it well. We want to enjoy flavors, tastes and good 'ole home cooking, not worry about counting calories. Just to be clear, I am not a fan of calorie counting, but I am a big believer in staying active - walking, jogging, biking, Zumba, exercise videos, dancing...whatever is most enjoyable. Being healthy is the goal, not rail thin. Along that same line, we feel the pressure to look good. To portray some level of fashion sense and ability to make our hair and make-up appear put together. Beauty is more than skin deep, but we all want to feel attractive.

Friends

If we are extremely fortunate, we have one or two close friends who know us well and a dozen or so others that we can visit with at any time. But no matter how many friends we have, we have the responsibility to cultivate those relationships - to pick up the phone and call, to send a note, and to invite them for coffee or dinner. Social media in not an acceptable medium for our only communication with close friends! We need to talk face to face when we can squeeze in a few moments and listen to the pressures our friends are facing. We are all in this together and need support when the pressure is overwhelming.

Me

And last but not least, we have the pressure to take care of ME. It is not a selfish thing, it is a necessity. If we are not taking care of our mental and emotional health, how can we possibly meet up to all these other "pressures" in our lives? Healthy living is more than eating right and exercise, it involves finding something that helps us unwind, relax and recharge. This is usually the hardest thing to fit into our day and week, but let's try to squeeze in a few minutes when we can!

Where does this leave us?

This contemplation leads me to the conclusion that every Blessing comes with great Responsibility. Your blessings and pressures may be much different from mine, but I believe this truth remains.

It's not only society that drives this idea, it's Biblical. Most of us have heard Jesus' words from Luke 12:48, "For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more."

So if we are richly blessed, we do have the expectation to give more of ourselves. And you know what, that is okay. If we really want to live with less "pressure", are we willing to give up some of the blessings?

Further, much of the pressure is self-induced. No one expects us to perfectly fulfill each of these roles. We usually put greater expectations on ourselves than anyone else. Maybe we can "have it All", but that does not meant that we can "do it All" without falling hard on our faces at times. 

At any given point I have piles of clutter or "to do" projects all over the house, my children are not perfectly obedient, dear friends are still waiting for me to call, and my husband is irritated at my constant procrastination. I don't have it all figured out. And if you do, please share how... on second thought, keep it to yourself. Most of us can't handle hearing that someone has perfectly mastered every area of "pressure" in her life. I'm pretty convinced that person does not exist.

We just need to find contentment in realizing we just try our best (that day) to fulfill every role and accept the fact that we really can't "do it All". But if we believe, we can be equipped with the support of the One who says we can do "all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

Let's try to find the Joy in the blessings and know that we don't have to perfectly achieve in every area. We just can't let the pressure get so strong that we give up. We have people counting on us to find that strength that comes from beyond ourselves. We can do this! By the grace of God, we can.