I am too Busy

I think I have a problem. I cannot stay home.

It's been more than two weeks since I last wrote, but it's not for lack of ideas. There have been multiple topics running through my head. I just haven't made time to write them.

Because I can't seem to stop going. It's all in the name of "fun" and family time, but in truth I'm getting worn out. And my family is too.

The girls enjoy our outings and even ask every morning, "What are we doing today, Mom?" Actually, they ask it so much it's kind of annoying. Especially now that most days the answer is, "Staying home because Mommy has to go to work."

They moan about this. Staying home is boring. And I know it's my fault they feel this way. I've trained them to Go. Go. Go! To always seek adventure. And fun. To the point that it's detrimental to all of us.

The truth is, I don't think I've stayed home a single day since I returned to work a month ago. Sure, I'll stay and clean for a few hours some days, but I end up leaving most of it for my husband.

Even when I was on maternity leave, it was a rare day that I stayed home all day. I'd pack up newborn baby Judah and take him all over the place with me. Poor guy ended up nursing in our van more times than I can count.

And now, he's having trouble establishing a good sleep, eat, play schedule because I don't keep him home enough when I'm off work. Generally, our babies get into a good, predictable rhythm of when they eat and sleep, which is critical for them and Daddy's well-being.

This is my confession I share in the early morning hours, before the sun rises above the treeline: I AM TOO BUSY.

I need to spend more time just sitting down and coloring or making puzzles with my girls and listening to their ideas, instead of hauling them off to every event or festival I can find. I need to spend more time staring into my three month old son's eyes and trying to get his adorable baby giggle to escape from his mouth. I need to sit and snuggle with my husband and talk of dreams and days gone by. 

I need to be still and know He is God, the One who is the Author of my days.

Why I am so busy? Why do I have this insatiable need to go?

It does come from my Dad's side of the family. My sister got a good dose of it too. But the truth is, I think I am this way largely because it keeps me from stopping and thinking too much. Maybe, I'm afraid that if I stop and sit still too long I will be overcome by the difficulties. Maybe, it's my way of dealing with the unique challenges my family faces. Maybe, I've been pushing myself and going so hard, so long...that I just don't know how to sit still.

And yet with this conviction weighing on my heart this morning, I find myself looking at the clock and saying...I better wrap this up, I still have time to go for a run this morning!