The Bread Winner

The raised eyebrows of surprise. Yeah, I've seen that look many times before.

It usually follows my answer to the question, "What does your husband do for work?"

"He's a full-time Dad, caring for our three young children," I say with an expression of gratitude.

The eyebrows go up, but the replies vary.

Some say, "Well that's wonderful!" or "You're very lucky he can do that" or "Oh really?"

But on occasion I get this:

"Oh, so you make enough to support your family???"

Mind you, I try to be the type who is not easily offended, but questions like that...ANNOY ME.

I mean for real, is it so hard to believe that a hard-working, college-educated mother can be the sole Bread Winner for her family? It is 2016 after all.

My reply to the silly question is something like, "Yeah, usually." And laugh it off.

But what I really want to say is....

"Absolutely, I do. I've worked hard since I started baby-sitting at 12, then delivering pizza at 16, and waitressing through college. I pulled countless all-nighters to earn 2 bachelors degrees in 4 years of college and graduated with honors. I commuted 88 miles to work for 3 years at my first professional job out of college. And for the past seven years I have worked on commission, given up most of my weekends, delivered 3 babies and been the sole income earner for our family. It's not been easy, but my income has been pretty good. Yes, I can support my family. Oh, and did I mention that we have bought 4 homes and sold 2 of them. Sure, I've got a mortgage and imperfect finances, but our bills are paid and we live well.  P.S. I'm still nursing my 9 month old baby. Any more questions?"

That just quickly flashed through my mind is all. It clearly sounds way to egotistical and rude to really say.

And I know the real truth. I am who I am, and I provide what I do by the grace God alone. He has provided the opportunities and abilities. I have simply worked hard to take advantage of those I can. And when life forced tough decisions on my husband and I, we together decided what was best for our family.

And if someone wants to say to my husband, "Oh you're so lucky, you get to stay home all day."

He might want to come back with something like...

"You really think so? You know I've done a lot of things. Worked many tough jobs. I was a logger, a salesman, a construction manager, a painter, a small business owner, a fireplace installer, a youth leader, and an over-the-road truck driver who's been through all 50 states except Hawaii. I have three of the best kids a father could hope for and love them dearly. But for the past 7 years...did you catch that...SEVEN YEARS...I have been home with our children every day my wife is at work. I tried some at home business ideas but nothing materialized. My job is changing dirty diapers, feeding cranky kids, constantly cleaning something, folding laundry, scrubbing toilets, breaking up girl fights, working around my wife's piles of...who knows what, maintaining the lawn and landscaping, washing dishes, maintenancing vehicles and a myriad of other tasks that endlessly repeat themselves. Day after day. Year after year. It is by far, the toughest job this man has ever had. Do you want to trade?"

Of course, that would just leave them with a blank stare and probably even less understanding of the unique role my husband fulfills.

And we know the real truth. In spite of the challenges, it is an incredible privilege for him to spend so much time with our children - and snuggle often with his baby boy. For him to experience all of their "firsts" and be the one influencing their futures. And by providing all he does, he makes it possible for me to provide how I do. We just wish it FELT this warm and fuzzy more often!

We are a Team. I may be the Bread Winner, but he is every bit as much the one who supports our family.

Questions are good, they show you care. Just try to avoid the silly ones ;) And cheer us on. We really need the extra support some days. We all do.

I hope you don't mind a little sassy post!

A New Friend Like Her

"Mom, that was the BEST day of all the BEST days!" Adria proclaimed at 10 p.m. on Saturday night as we left the home of her new friend.

It was a special evening as Adria, Johanna and I got together with a family we had randomly met months before at a local festival. We had walked past a sweet, young girl with leg braces sitting on the curb next to her wheelchair eating some chicken fingers.

We said "Hello" and Adria was pleased to learn that she and the girl named Mallory had much in common. They were both 7 years old, liked the color pink, and were born with Spina Bifida! Mallory's mom and I were excited to discover we live less than 30 minutes apart, so we made plans to get together. And 3 months later we finally did!

Mallory and Adria meet at the Apple-Scrapple festival in October

Since that day, Adria has talked about Mallory often. It really made an impression on her to meet another girl like her. She doesn't have any local young friends with spina bifida, and she doesn't really remember the SB friends we had met in Indianapolis.

More often lately, Adria sighs and gets sad about the fact that she's the only one at her school that has to where leg braces and can't go to the bathroom like the other kids. Being with Mallory on Saturday night was a special treat for all of us. And we found the girls have other things in common...they LOVE Shopkins and Pizza!!!

Shopkins...they're all the rage with little girls today!

We went out to dinner and while Adria and Mallory enjoyed their slices of pizza, Johanna got along well with her 5 year old younger brother and I enjoyed talking with her mom Nikki.

Mallory, Mitchell, Johanna and Adria have fun at dinner together.

It's kind of great to be able to talk with another mom who completely understands and has experienced the broad spectrum of things associated with a child who has spina bifida - Level 2 ultrasounds, hydrocephalus and shunts, back and head surgeries, AFOs (leg braces), catheterization options, Peristeen bowel program, urinary tract infections, wheelchair fitting, needing diapers at school, urodynamics studies, and so much more! We could totally relate and shared ideas and experiences.

Mallory is several months older than Adria, so she is in second grade. She can get around at home with her walker and primarily uses her wheelchair when in public. In 2014 Mallory was the Eastern Shore Ambassador for the March of Dimes organization that raises funds and awareness for babies born prematurely and/or with birth defects.

After dinner, we watched the musical production of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" at a local high school. Adria and Mallory sat side by side and enjoyed the show.

Two girls enjoying the show...and comparing their AFO styles (leg braces)

The adventurous younger siblings had fun but didn't sit still too well :)

Mallory says hi to "Sally" from the Charlie Brown show 

Johanna poses with PigPen

Just before leaving Mallory's home, I took Adria to the bathroom to catheterize her - we have to about every 4 hours during the day, which is the same for Mallory. When I was taking care of Adria, she looked at me with a smile and said, "I bet Mallory knows what we're doing, since she has to cath too." Simple things like this, knowing that she has a friend who understands what her life is like, really meant a lot to Adria.

And so Adria had her official BEST DAY EVER...for now.

Today, January 20th is the "International Day of Acceptance" encouraging our society to continue embracing people of all abilities and becoming more educated on how to empower and support them and their families. I'm believing for great opportunities throughout life for these 2 precious girls!

A Look Back at 2015

As we start a new year, I always like to reflect on the highlights of the year past...the new experiences, changes, and lessons learned.

For 2015 there is one moment, one hour really, that stands out above all the rest. 

Meeting our son, Judah. 

Just after I delivered him, they gave him a quick wipe over and handed him to me. He was perfectly adorable and for the next hour he laid on my chest - skin to skin - in that special bonding time I had heard about but never experienced like this with my daughters. I didn't know how much he weighed or how long he was, but it didn't matter yet. He was in my arms.

Yep, that was definitely the highlight of my year! But there were many other moments to remember for each of us.

Our Family of 5 Photo - November 2015

Judah

Our baby boy joined the family in late April, now 8 months old. He has been a happy, healthy boy bringing great joy to everyone in our family. He's totally Daddy's boy...they hang out all day most days. His sisters adore him and are ridiculous with the smothering of kisses. He's mostly tolerant. And Mommy thinks he's the most handsome little guy in the universe!

He's becoming a hefty dude, weighing about 20 pounds now. In just the past two weeks, he's finally mastered sitting without toppling over and has been rolling, but just today he CRAWLED for the first time! And just this week, he pulled himself up to stand in his crib. He sleeps fairly well but still likes to wake me up through the night...Yawn! His two-tooth grin and big brown eyes will melt you.

My Two Handsome Men

Johanna

Ever the spice in our family, Johanna just turned four years old in December. She has as much energy and vitality as ever. Sometimes we love it, sometimes we....well, let's just say she can get into some messes. Judah is her biggest fan; he laughs at her dancing and jumping all the time. It's pretty hilarious!

After attending preschool 2 mornings a week earlier in the year, she started going to the same school as Adria this fall 4 mornings a week. She is just one of 2 girls in a class with 12 boys (yikes), but she holds her own fine and is making friends. Her best buddy is still a girl from church who is just one day younger. Her favorite things are playing "dress-ups", play-do, going to the beach and visiting people. I often hear her saying "You're the best sister ever!" when she and Adria are playing together, then a few minutes later they're arguing...Ha! Jo-Jo is so much fun and oozes personality.

Sweet and Spunky Johanna - 4 years old

Adria

Our oldest turned seven just a week after starting first grade this fall. She struggled the first couple weeks because she missed her Kindergarten friends and routine, and all the math and reading was "so must harder." But she has excelled, made new friends and loves her teachers (we do too!) It's been a joy listening to her improve as she reads.

A couple big events from her year were playing soccer in the spring and participating in the Little Miss Apple Scrapple Pageant in October. Then, she and Johanna both did a Kids Run in Pennsylvania where she met Deena Kastor, a famous marathon Olympian.

Her health has been good overall with the Peristeen bowel program allowing her to be mostly "diaper free" for the past year. She's had some accidents at school, but the nurse takes very good care of her. We are so thankful. And her big progress in her weekly physical therapy has been that she can now hop on one foot! Amazing!!! Her latest interest is in making cooking videos. Though she sometimes laments that she is different because of her need for leg braces and catheters, she does not let spina bifida hold her back. We are so proud of her!

Bubbly and friendly Adria - 7 years old

Daddy

Adrian's year has been an interesting one. He has excelled to a new level in the sport he loves - Disc Golf. He participated in many weekend tournaments, some affiliated with the Professional Disc Golf Association (PDGA), and even WON in his division a couple times last year! 

This sport and the camaraderie with other guys has provided a great outlet from his daily duties of full-time Dad. I am always amazed at what he accomplishes in and around our home, and how he often realizes the needs of our children better than I. Adrian also assisted family members with home improvement projects, including flying down to Texas to visit his sister Angie and install flooring in her newly purchase home last fall.

Unfortunately, in 2015 Daddy's seizures returned with dramatic flare during vacation. It was craziness and upsetting, but it brought us to a new place of trying to be better prepared and more accepting of this bizarre condition we have battled for the last six years. That's right, Dec. 26 was the six year anniversary of his first seizure...it's now been a battle for half of our 12 years of marriage. We have great days and down-right terrible days, but you know, we always get up again.

Mommy

Aside from the amazing gift of carrying and delivering a child, I had some other big events this year. Work has been very busy, and I'm so thankful for that. It was a strong year for new home sales with the local Builder where I've now been for 2.5 years. Our company won a few big local awards, including being voted Best Southern Delaware Home Builder by a regional magazine! I got my 15 seconds of fame with some air time in our TV commercial, and the outlook for 2016 is good. 

From a fitness perspective, I had big ambitions to run a half marathon in October - but my body was not quite ready for that. Instead, I ran a 10K (6.2 miles) race at the Runner's World festival in Bethlehem, PA and had a great time doing it. I really love running events, but man is it hard to make time to run with 3 little ones in the house!

Our Family

We did not take a big week-long vacation in 2015, but we enjoyed several family excursions:

• The Pocono Mountains, PA in February (a trip with my company) - the girls love hotels with indoor pools and Snow
• The Shenandoah Valley, VA in June where we camped in KOA cabin - but this was the trip where Daddy had a seizure
• Dutch Wonderland in Lancaster, PA - it was a hot summer day for our first visit with the kids to this family-fun amusement park, but baby Judah was not too impressed
• Runner's World event in October in Bethlehem, PA - we girls successfully ran races, then I took the children to the Crayola museum while Daddy went disc golfing
• Christmas Lights at Longwood Gardens in December - a day trip with Granny and Grandad for one of the best light displays on the east coast

It was a year filled with great blessings yet sprinkled with challenging moments. We are ever thankful for our family and the opportunity to continue on this journey together!

Hoping you and yours have a blessed 2016.

To My 6 Month Old Son

Dear Baby Judah,

My precious little boy. You are six months old! You're halfway to your first birthday already. My heart is full of gratitude for you and the wonderful time we've had together so far. But my heart also aches for all the hours we spend apart.

You are just sooo adorable and a big boy now! With chunky monkey thighs, rolly-poly arms and the most kissable cheeks conceivable, your snuggles are the best. Your dreamy big eyes surprised everyone by turning brown like mommy's, instead of the famous Seely blue. But most everything else about you takes after Daddy, which makes you super handsome!

6 month old Sweetie Pie

Your face can instantly change from a serious stare to a wide grin that melts us all. You give your adoring sisters big smiles, especially when they jump and dance to make you laugh. You give mommy smiles and giggles when we get to talk. You have plenty of grins to share with your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. But I think you save your biggest smiles for Daddy. You two spend your days together and share a special bond. You are pretty much the center of Daddy's world right now, and he cares for you with attentive gentleness.

Mommy treasured our first months together, and it made me so sad when it came time for me to return to full-time work when you were just 10 weeks old. Even though I had to do the same thing with your sisters, it was not any easier this time. But I love walking in the door after work each day and kissing your puffy cheeks then cradling you every night in the rocking chair as you nurse before bed. Plus, I take you on all kinds of adventures when I have a day off and enjoy wearing you in our baby carrier.

Wearing baby Judah at Wallops Island with Uncle Aaron and Johanna

You have been so good to us. No illness. Rarely fussy or inconsolable. Healthy eater with some surprisingly loud toots! Of course your diet is still just mommy's milk and a little baby cereal, but we'll get into more interesting stuff soon. You don't seem to be in a rush.

You sleep well for the most part. Though you seldom allow me more than 4-5 hours of rest without waking at night, you usually fall right back to sleep after eating. You are rolling and wiggling all over now, and just starting to sit by yourself for a few seconds.

You are a priceless treasure. You bring healing to our family, both immediate and extended. So many love you and adore your chubby cuteness. We are indeed blessed by you, dear son.

With more love than I know how to express...

Mommy  

Here's a look at how you've grown...

NEWBORN BABY

1 MONTH

2 MONTHS

3 MONTHS

4 MONTHS

5 MONTHS

6 MONTHS

The Pageant Experience...in the news

Adria is in the news again! 

She had a wonderful experience at the Little Miss Apple Scrapple pageant last Friday. Though she did not win, Adria's confidence and performance on the stage made her parents and many fans proud.

The Seaford Star was kind enough to publish this little article I typed up late one night after Adria's pageant. I have to use my journalism degree and experience as a free-lance writer for this local paper once in a while ;)  

The article in the Seaford Star

Apple Scrapple Contestant leads a Beautiful Life with Spina Bifida

It took her a little longer to climb up the steps than the other eight girls, but when Adria Seely walked across that stage in front of a couple hundred spectators, she was full of confidence and smiles.

Friday night was the 10^th annual Little Miss Apple Scrapple Pageant at Bridgeville’s annual fall festival. Local girls ranging in age from 5 to 8 years old participated in the event, showcasing talent routines that included singing, dancing, hula hoop swinging and stand-up comedy.

Adria poses for me just before going on stage...after I saw that,
I knew she would be ok up there in front of the hundreds of spectators.

They announced each contestant and her hobbies and interests.

One of the shortest contestants was seven year old Adria Seely, who attends Woodbridge Early Childhood Education Center. This was the first time Adria has participated in an event like this, and it was quite an accomplishment for her to be able to get up on that stage and perform.

Adria was born with Spina bifida, a severe type called myelomeningocele, which involves the incomplete closure of the spinal cord early in pregnancy and leads to life-long challenges. Many children and individuals living with spina bifida are never able to walk, requiring a wheel chair for mobility. Adria was not able to walk until she was age two and then she required a walker to get around until age three. Now, she walks independently with only the support of Ankle Foot Orthotics (leg braces). She owns a wheelchair but only uses it rarely for longer distances.

Adria was both nervous and excited about the idea of being in the pageant but ultimately decided it was something she wanted to do. She began practicing a dance routine at home and on the night of the pageant, she danced to the song “It’s a Beautiful Life” by Ace of Base. Her performance ended with a spin and a bow, resulting in loud cheers.

Adria dances to "It's a Beautiful Life" - she remembered all her practiced moves and even finished with a twirl and a bow.

Most of the audience did not know there was anything unique about Adria’s beautiful life. But her presence on that stage was a testament to a life of perseverance and overcoming daily challenges.
October is Spina Bifida Awareness month. It is the most common permanently disabling birth defect and impacts individuals in many different ways beyond mobility. Most face issues with incontinence, learning delays, fluid on the brain, and a shorter stature due to under-developed leg muscles. They may require dozens of surgeries throughout their lifetime.

Adria has been fortunate in many ways, but she realizes that she does have differences from her school friends. And even though she did not win a crown or any roses at the pageant Friday night, her positive attitude and confidence on that stage made an impression and should serve as encouragement to differently abled families. Life may be tough but it still can be beautiful.

My parents were among the many family and friends who came out to support Adria

The winners announced! A sweet bubbly blond girl who boldly sang alone won the pageant.
Two of Adria's friends won the Talent Competition and Interview segment

Adria poses in her Party Dress after the pageant.
Mommy did not have time to curl and style her hair, since I got off work at 4:30 that day and she had to be there by 5:15! 

Proud mommy with her amazing girl.

Big October events and Spina Bifida Awareness

Drama, drama, drama. Sometimes that's just life with two little girls. The slightest disturbance to their ideal world and there's a fit thrown or tears shed.

It must have been the adjustment of going back to school, but there was a LOT OF DRAMA in our house in September. And most of it seemed to come from very ordinary things.

Now that October is here, the girls have mostly adjusted to their school routine and made new friends. Daddy is enjoying his days with Judah. And Mommy is staying busy at work, while trying to find balance in home responsibilities and the fun stuff we do.

Last night, I took Adria out for our first Mommy-Daughter date in a long time. She has been asking me to go out just the two of us since before her birthday a month ago.

Mommy-daughter date last night

Adria and I had a great dinner together at Grotto Pizza, then headed to her pediatrician for her 7 year check-up. Unfortunately, we were the last appointment of the day and had to wait a looooong time. Our date ended with Adria spazzing out when they tried to give her a "Flu mist" vaccine in her nose. I thought it would be better than a shot! Drama indeed. She was sad that was all we had time for, but she's got more to look forward to in October

We have some BIG STUFF planned for the next two weeks!

Apple-Scrapple Pageant

Tomorrow night, Adria will be doing something very new for all of us. She will be participating in a little pageant for girls age 5-8 at our town's fall festival called Apple-Scrapple. The weekend event draws thousands but the pageant is only open to girls in her school district and is geared toward having fun while the girls learn confidence on stage.

Judges will interview the girls and then the girls will do a talent. Adria will be dancing to "It's a Beautiful Life" :)  She's been practicing, so we'll see how it goes!

When the sign up sheet for the pageant came home from school, I asked her if she was interested. At first, she was very nervous about the idea of being alone on stage in front of people (aren't we all?!). I tried not to push the issue too hard and let her know it was her decision. She said yes and now is both nervous and excited!

The Pageant is at 6:30 p.m. Friday night behind the Bridgeville Fire Hall. We'd love to see you there!

Adria practices her pose.

Children's Run and Half-Marathon

Next Friday will be a big day too! Both the girls will be participating in a Children's run in Pennsylvania. It's part of the Runner's World weekend of events that concludes with a half-marathon for adults on Sunday. I'm supposed to run that event but am very nervous because I have not been able to train for it well.

The girls will be running a half mile. Adria tries to practice for it when we can, and I'm hoping she'll be able to complete it. Last year, she showed us that she could complete a half mile race, even if she finished in last place. This year, she talks about wanting to WIN the race...

I don't want to tell her she can't win, but the reality is that she is not able to run as fast as most children because of her weak lower legs that require braces for support. I just try to encourage her to do her best when she is out there. I tell her there is no way mommy is going to WIN her race, but that we run at our own pace and finish the race when we can. That's our goal...to finish the Race!

October is Spina Bifida Awareness month

This makes for a very busy month for us, but I think it's very fitting that Adria participates in both of these events at this time. October is actually SPINA BIFIDA AWARENESS month!

Adria can show the community that in spite of the limitations and challenges that she faces with spina bifida, she can enjoy life and push the limits!

A couple weeks ago she told me, "Mom, I don't feel like a spina bifida kid. I'm like the other kids at school."  I was glad to hear her say that because I don't want her to feel different.

Then just two nights ago, after I catheterized her, she said, "Mom, I wish I was like the other kids at school who can just go potty without a catheter. And I'm the only one who has to wear braces on my legs. Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in."  Ugh, it's hard to hear her talk like that. I assured her that she has many wonderful friends and teachers at school, and I'm so proud of how well she does.

It's just like that. Some days are much better than others. You know, Drama comes and goes.

How I love this girl and pray that I'm doing the right thing by giving her the opportunity for these big events. Go Adria!

The Mom Bod - 5 Months after Baby

It is a strange feeling to stand in front of a mirror and not recognize the body reflecting back at you.

That's how I've felt for much of the last year but especially these past five months. There are extra curves, rolls, lumps, jiggles...everywhere it seems. The truth is, I'm still carrying around about 20 pounds more than I did last summer before I became pregnant with Judah. You might not notice it as much, but the mirror and I understand.

Last year, I shared about being a "Not-so-Perfect 10" and right now, I really miss that body. Most of my clothes don't fit right...or at all. My 7 year old daughter likes to note how I look like I'm making another baby and how my thighs are so soft and chubby. Thanks for that.

But after all, I DID just give birth to my THIRD child 5 months ago! Yes, I am cutting myself some slack. And I am not exactly trying hard to lose weight. I still eat like a horse.

I laugh when people say, "Doesn't breast-feeding help you lose weight? I thought it burns a lot of calories."

Yes, it does help your uterus get back in shape. Fortunately, my baby gut did not stay huge for long but it's still very much there. Yes, nursing supposedly burns like 500 extra calories a day. But it makes you want to EAT at least those 500 more calories too!!! I am just as hungry now as I was 8 months pregnant!

I want to exercise. Really, I do. But for some reason.... I struggle to fit that in between a full-time job, mothering 3 young children, feeding my baby, keeping house, and trying to squeeze out some time with my husband.

And silly me, right after Judah was born I signed up to run a big race. A 13.1 mile half-marathon in fact. I'm supposed to do this in October - less than a month away. What was I thinking? That my children would all sleep perfectly through the night, and I'd pop out of bed by 6 a.m. to run 5 miles? Uh huh. Definitely delusional. At this point, it looks like there's going to be a lot of walking, but I still plan to finish that race.

But I know there are many moms who get where I'm coming from. It's interesting to see all the different ways women's bodies respond to childbirth and parenting. As you likely heard, the "Dad Bod" became a thing earlier this year, so here is my break-down of the different types of "Mom Bod":

• Skinny Mom - pops out a baby and within a month or so puts on her pair of size 4 jeans with no problem. She's blessed with some ridiculous metabolism. She is really annoying to the rest of us, but we still love her. Hahaha! 
• Huggable Mom - is a curvy lady and pregnancy just added to them with extra pounds that just won't go away. Baby is a toddler now. Or maybe a high school senior. The battle with weight loss has been real but it's okay because her family loves her comforting hugs. Hopefully, she embraces the beauty in the woman she is now.
• Super-Fit Mom - carries her baby and holds onto baby weight for a few months. Then, she kicks into gear with the healthy eating program and work-out routine to get a buff body. We applaud her motivation and just ask that she please be gracious to those of us who don't have as much.
• Everyday Mom - delivered a baby and her body will never be the same. It's softer and more jiggly and covered in freckles or cellulite, but it works just fine. It may not compare to Hollywood's post-baby bodies but that's perfectly okay. 

Hi, it's me. Just another Mom trying to love her babies and her body, no matter how they change.

Know this. No matter what your Mom Bod is, your children love you. Even if they pick on you (Adria). And whether you're curvacious or rail thin, being confident and loving your own body is more important than any number on a scale. 

In truth, I am very thankful for the healthy body that God has given me. And while I do enjoy being active, at this phase in my life that activity is more focused around my children than anything else.

Love yourself today. Whether you're a mom or not, embrace the beauty in the woman that you are. Is that cheesy enough for you? I'm for real, though.