A Nostalgic Visit to my Alma Mater 10 years later

That was a day of wide-eyed wonder for me, my college graduation in May 2003 at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Va.

At 21 years old, I felt the energy and thrill of all the future could hold. I was recently engaged, though I never thought I'd be one of the Liberty girls to leave with a ring on her finger, and I had filled my years at Liberty with all types of activities including novice on intercollegiate debate team, SGA vice president of junior class, editor-in-chief of the Liberty Champion, and bus captain for an inner city children's ministry. I didn't sleep much.

Truth be told, I was a bit of a nerd in college. I was just 17 when I started and in four years I earned two bachelor's degrees, Communications/Print Journalism and History, with a final GPA of 3.83 in the honor's program.

At the time, all of this seemed to matter and be the tools I needed to become a huge success. I was not quite sure in what, but I just knew I was going to do something of significance. An opportunistic, innocent and naïve dreamer I was. I have to chuckle a little when I think of her, that girl ten years ago.

Life is so very much different now than I had ever imagined. But I wouldn't trade my husband and two little gems for anything more "significant."

On October 18-19 I returned to Liberty and found a very different place than I remembered. It only looked vaguely familiar to me with the vast expansion around the now 7,000 acre campus and a total of more than 92,000 students both on campus and the online program. It's apparently the seventh largest college in the country these days.

But all of my college achievements meant little as I returned and looked for familiar faces. I did visit with a friend I hadn't seen since she was in our wedding (also almost 10 years ago!) and ran into a few others who I recognized.

I also met a new friend while I was at the 30th Anniversary Party for the Liberty Champion. She was a student who heard me mention that my daughter has spina bifida, and she quickly shared that her 1.5 year old niece does too. We spent the next few minutes talking about braces, catheterizing, shunts, and all the things common to spina bifida but little known by most. It was a special bonding moment, and now I follow her sister's blog!

As I drove the 5 hour ride back to Delaware with Adrian, I couldn't stop thinking about a message for today's students. Though I doubt they'll ever read it, these were my thoughts...
 

Here's a quick video I made from the rooftop of DeMoss Hall, pictured above.
http://youtu.be/hlvG0EnUMrg

Visiting Liberty, ten years later

You should be warned, Liberty student. Ten years will pass quickly.

You will be in your 30s standing in front of DeMoss thinking, “Has a decade really passed since I was here?”

At least that’s how I felt after returning to the Liberty campus for only the second time since I graduated ten years ago. It is truly shocking and quite impressive how much a place can change in that amount of time.

Returning “home” to LU during Homecoming was a bit like time travel. Suddenly, everything I’ve done and all the places I’ve been faded to the background as my mind’s eye relived my experiences those four years I spent at Liberty.

I was just you. Dreaming big, studying hard, and experiencing the daily joys and trials of college life – all with the full potential of what life could offer right in front of me. Now, I want to caution you. Do not take these precious years for granted. Soak in the wisdom from your professors and countless speakers and appreciate the fellowship of friends. You will miss that.

There is so much more to do at Liberty. Ten years ago there was no Campus East or Campus North and the Hancock center was readily overlooked. You have an ice rink, skiing, pools, and impeccable sports fields all around you to keep you active. These are all wonderful things, most of which are new to me, but they are just things.

People are what matter. I encourage you to invest your college years into building relationships with people who can be a support and friend to you for years to come. You have the best opportunity for that right now. I only had the chance to see a few people I knew, but that was the best part of the visit by far.

The familiar faces will be welcome as LU continues to grow and change. It was almost difficult to find places that were familiar to me ten years ago, hidden amidst the grandeur of what this campus has become.

But I found those familiar places.

The Circle Dorms 26, 27 and 28 are where I stayed all four years. Those long halls and cinder block walls became home to me. Shout out to those of you living there now!

The Vines Center is mostly as I remember. Though it’s sad to think that Dr. Jerry Falwell, Sr. no longer takes the stage. I can still hear him detailing his dreams for Liberty University and his vision of training hundreds of thousands of Champions for Christ. Though he is no longer with us, his dream seems more alive than ever.

The Prayer Chapel was the final and most familiar place. It sits on that hill so unassuming in its refreshing simplicity. The dark interior still holds the same wooden pews and humble stage with a piano tucked in the corner. This was the place where I most felt at home.

It’s a place that’s easily overlooked, but you should go there sometime. Alone. And pray. It can quiet your spirit in the midst of any storm.
It is in those quiet moments alone in His presence is where you are truly given the strength to become a Champion. You are here for a reason, Liberty student. Make the most of your next ten years.

The Hancock Center that we are standing in is new, but this is about the spot

where Adrian proposed to me on Feb. 15, 2003

One of the few things that remained the same from 10 years ago, the Prayer Chapel.

For many more photos from our visit, check out the Returning to Liberty photo album on my facebook page.

Fever, Heels and Deciduous Trees

While munching on a plate of spaghetti tonight, Adria says, "Mom, DECIDUOUS means that trees lose their leaves."

Well aren't you little miss smartie-pants, I thought. And she pronounced it perfectly. Trees are the theme at her pre-school this week, and apparently she and Daddy were discussing what deciduous meant earlier today. She informed me that her class took a walk today to look at the colors of leaves on a deciduous tree. She really loves going to pre-school every weekday afternoon.

Adria sports the Harvest Crown that was a pre-school project we made together as she learns about trees this week. 

I'm so glad to hear her talk about this and be feeling better. She missed pre-school on Monday and Tuesday because she woke up both days with a FEVER over 100 degrees. She would cry and ask why her head and side hurt so much :(

I just hate seeing her this way, but unfortunately it seems to happen a few times a year. We figured that it was a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI), and a trip to the pediatrician confirmed that. They give her an antibiotic to take for a week and it usually goes away.

Please don't think me a negligent mom for allowing this to happen. It's so difficult to keep the bacteria at bay when she is catheterized five times a day and still has issues keeping her diaper clean. It is often a lifelong challenge for people with spina bifida.

Seeing her so miserable reminded me of the worst UTI incident when she was only 20 months old. It was actually the same week that we were packing for our move from Delaware to Indiana. Poor baby was so miserable that her only solace was mommy holding her, almost constantly.

Then I look at her little sister Johanna, who is about that age, and think how very different their little lives have been. Johanna is an energetic, adventurous gal who equally loves making messes and playing dress-up with mommy's HEELS. She has been the epitome of a healthy baby and toddler, though do not mistake that to mean that she's been easier to raise!

I laugh as I see Johanna's big grin while she stomps around in my high heels (something big sissy has never been able to do) and then I cringe when I walk in my bedroom to find 15 pairs of shoes spread all over. It was finally clean and I was just about to vacuum it for the first time in...a month or so?  Sorry, I don't keep track of the lesser important things in life, like vacuuming.

But whether we're discussing deciduous trees, treating a fever, or picking up high heels; these are precious moments with my young children.

October is spina bifida awareness month

Every October the color Pink becomes more popular. From NFL players sporting it to pink windshield wipers available at your local service center, the campaign for Breast Cancer Awareness is widely publicized. Let's face it, saving the tata's is a popular cause.

However, a much lesser known cause also shares this month. October is spina bifida awareness month.

Even I, a mother of a five year old with spina bifida, did not realize this until recently. But now I will take this opportunity to spread the news, and also share that pale yellow is the official color for spina bifida awareness.

Another spina bifida mother wrote the following article that provides a great summary of what spina bifida is and how people are impacted by it.

Column by Pam Rasmussen: October is spina bifida awareness month: October is spina bifida awareness month. Although most of you probably don’t know a lot about the birth defect, it is the most common permanently disabling birth defect in the Unites States.

A couple months ago, I also wrote a more detailed article about what spina bifida looks like and how it happens. You can read here, What exactly is Spina Bifida?

The most important awareness to spread about spina bifida is how to prevent it. It's not a guarantee, but the one factor that studies can prove reduces the likelihood of spina bifida occurring in pregnancy is Folic Acid. Women of child-bearing age should take a daily vitamin with at least 400 mcg of folic acid, more if possible.

Children and adults with spina bifida often lead active and fulfilling lives, but there are many ways that this birth defect impacts them. Following is a quick summary:

• Paralysis/Lack of sensitivity in legs
• Fluid on the Brain often requires shunt
• Limited or total lack of bladder and bowel control
• Regular catheterization and bowel management programs
• Frequent UTIs (urinary tract infections)
• Obesity and weight challenges due to limited activity
• Shorter stature as a result of weakened leg muscles that limit growth
• Educational and learning delays, often related to complications with the shunt
• Club feet or smaller than average feet
• Strong upper body strength that compensates for paralysis in legs
• Mobility possible with assistive devices such as leg braces, crutches, wheelchairs, etc.
• Social difficulties as growing children adjust to being "different"
• Depression due to the daily challenges they face
• Multiple medications taken throughout the day and regular doctor visits
• Regular surgeries related to shunt, bladder or legs
• Large scar on the back from where the spina bifida lesion was located at birth

This photo shows Adria's spina bifida scar just over a month after she was born.
Photo credit Ruth Kauffman.

As a mother, my goal is that our daughter learn as much as she can about herself and not be defined by spina bifida, but adapt to its impact on her life and pursue her strengths!

Pray for me, Mommy

There are few words more touching to hear from a five year old than, "Pray for me, Mommy."

That's what my little Adria said tonight after complaining about a headache, pain in her side, and being over-tired.

"I had no nap at all today," she had said earlier, explaining why she was so fussy after her potty time. She doesn't nap every day still, but she's always been a good sleeper and usually gets grumpy without some down time.

Indeed, we did have a full day that included going to church, frolicking through a corn maze and pumpkin patch, and baking another apple pie. This left no time for her to nap, though baby sister Johanna does need her afternoon nap, and she squeezed one in on the stroller.

Amidst all the excitement of having fall fun with my parents and little brother along too, I did not do a good job of making sure Adria drank lots of water. She'd had milk and juice, but water is especially critical for her little body to fight off UTIs and she does not drink enough without a great deal of "encouragement." We haven't exactly figured out why, but if she doesn't drink at least 20 oz. of water a day, she tends to have more pain in her tummy and sides, the area of her bladder and kidneys.

There she sat on her changing table tonight crying because her side hurt so bad and asking me to "Take care of it" again (this is what we call catheterizing her). But I just had taken care of it 20 minutes before and knew that if I did again, it would only cause more pain.

I tried to get her to drink, drink, drink. We went ahead and gave her some Advil for the pain.

"Mommy, I need lovin's," she cried as I put on her pajamas. We snuggled up on the couch together watching Daddy's football game. That's when she said it.

"Pray for me, Mommy."

Ah, how it melted my heart. My little girl in pain. At such a young age she already realizes that medicine and "lovin's" only go so far, and with the faith of a child she believes that prayer is what really works. We have prayed over her many times through the years when we could do nothing else for her discomfort.

Minutes later she snuggled into Daddy's lap and quickly fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."  -Matthew 19:14

 

Coming Home. What a Miracle Looks Like.

We believe in miracles. Last week Adrian shared an insightful and personal perspective on what a miracle means to him. The interesting thing about a miracle is that you almost have to be in a desperate, needy place to experience one.

In our desperate place, we saw a miracle.

The day of his last seizure, we called in reinforcements for help. Adrian's sister Leona drove down from Delaware to be with us for the weekend, so I could go in to work. I only had one weekend off a month at the time.

In the following weeks my mom and Ade's mom took turns coming down and even my youngest brother. It wasn't just a matter of safety for the girls and Adrian to have someone there, he was physically and mentally incapable of caring for them as the effects of the seizure lingered.

But how long could we rely on family driving 3 or 4 hours to stay with us? We had already been through the search for childcare six months earlier and knew that was no option. What could we do?  Again, I felt brief twinges of temptation just to be irresponsible and walk away from the home, my job, and go hide in my mom's house and make the government support us...but I was never serious about this.

I did not have to question too long. In a matter of weeks, three major steps came together in miraculous fashion.

1. The New Job 

Exactly one week after Adrian's seizure, I got a very unexpected phone call. I never saw it coming.

"Hello, is this Julleanna?" a man's voice says.

"Yes..."

"This might seem strange that I'm calling, but I just wanted to ask you about something." He proceeded to tell me his name and that he owns a custom home building company in Greenwood, Del. He knew my Dad and wondered if I'd ever be interested in stopping to talk sometime when I was in town. The company is growing and they are looking for a good sales person.

Me. "Okay, thanks for calling, I'll let you know."

I hung up and my heart started pounding. Seriously. I could feel it. This was too strange. Or was it? If he had called two weeks before, I would barely have acknowledged it. But right now, at this time, it felt like much more than coincidence.

I called him back later with a series of questions. His answers satisfied me enough to send over my resume and schedule a quick trip back to Delaware and meet in person.

The meeting went well, very well. They were a small company, but they had a great foundation and big plans for the future. I agreed to nothing at that point but was very intrigued.

2. The New Home 

We took a tour of their model home, where I would often work if I joined them, and I was impressed. Then, he showed me a cute ranch home under construction that they were trying to sell. It was next to the model, 3 bedrooms and 2 baths with less than 1700 s.f.  They'd had interest but no contract had worked out.

Very interesting. I had to ask. "Is there any chance that you'd consider renting this out? If we had a place lined up for us to move into to, it would make my decision to take this job much easier..."

He had not considered it, but would give it some thought. We left that meeting mutually intrigued by the prospect of me joining their team in a sales and marketing role, but it would come down to whether it would make financial sense for me and my family.

I took this picture of the kitchen in the home for sale as we walked through it. 

3. The New Tenants

Doors seemed to be opening very fast. But what about our home that we had just bought? I had no desire to list it already and go through the effort of trying to sell.

Well, let me just take a stab in the dark and put it on Craig's List online to see if anyone would rent it for a couple hundred a month more than our mortgage. The day after posting it, I had 3 leads and 2 appts to show the home.

The first family was an ideal fit. Recent transfers to the area with a new job, loved our home and hoping for long-term lease.

Views from our front and back door in Va. when a late winter storm hit 

the end of March, the time we were deciding to move.

The Realization of a Miracle

This all seemed wonderful but was it really what we were supposed to do?

One morning I woke up early thinking and praying about it. I picked up my Bible in hopes that I could just open it up and find an answer. Honestly, I had not read it much lately, but this day I got a more clear answer than I'd seen in a loooooong time.

I opened to II Corinthians 6:2
For he says, "In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you."
I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation.

Wow.

By the end of March, I had a great job offer that included the option to rent the new home next door to the model, which is also only 10 minutes from both of our parents! We signed a lease with tenants on our current home, and made plans to move by the end of April.

The job change has been a great thing for us and the sales are coming in at a good pace. Plus, I get two weekends off a month now! We've loved having the support of family close by, and aside from a minor issue or two, the renters have been great.

I call this a MIRACLE. It's way more than coincidence, and it truly all came together with little effort on our part. Praise the Lord!

Turns out, it was a two-way miracle. My boss called me that day after interviewing 11 people and coming up empty for the right fit. He was desperate enough to take a chance and call me that day. I think it's working out for them too ;)

The Angel in the Storm

You never know what will happen. Who will need your help...or when you will need it yourself. The lesson today is Be Available and Be Willing.

My husband has recently started sharing his side of our story, and he has described the personal impact of what he endured with his last seizure.  My "angel" came on that day.

I clearly remember packing up the girls in our minivan that Friday morning in early March, just seven months ago now. We had a fun day planned since I was off work and were starting it off by dropping off the SUV to be serviced. Adrian had just started to drive again, and we gals were only a few minutes behind him arriving at the service center.

As I pulled in and waited for Adrian to come out, I noticed a fire engine but gave it only a fleeting thought of curiosity. Minutes later, after Adrian did not respond to my text, awareness suddenly hit as I looked up and saw a vehicle move out of the way to reveal a body on the ground surrounded by people.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I rushed out of the van and ran to what I knew was my husband. Lying on the concrete floor, he shook and turned purple, then was briefly still.

By now, I had seen his seizures enough to be able to maintain a certain measure of composure during an incident, but this one rattled me. It's arrival was completely shocking. I was totally flustered and began mumbling that "yes, this happens but it's been six months" and "I can't believe it" and "my little girls are alone in the van" and "it's going to get worse, move people away cause he's going to get up soon and move all around!"

In the midst of the crazy, a woman approached me. She said, "I can help. I know what you're going through; my son has seizures." Who was she? Did she work there? Was she part of the EMT team that just arrived? No. She was just waiting for her car to get serviced, and she became my angel that day. Thank you, Mel.

What happened next is a blur as Adrian's postictal confusion began, and it took about 7 firemen and EMTs to control him enough to tie him down on a stretcher and get him in the ambulance.

They told me the name of the hospital where they were headed but advised me to calm down before driving. This is where Mel stepped in. She knew exactly where the hospital was and offered to drive the girls and me in the van. I hesitated only briefly, realizing I needed someone ANYONE to help me, even a total stranger.

I could still hear Adrian's yells, coming from the ER, as we arrived at the hospital and I checked in. By the time we went back to him, he was finally becoming aware and lucid. We held each other and sobbed.

Mel kept watch over the girls in the waiting room, so they did not have to see Daddy like this. I just had to trust that God had provided this angel for me and she would take care of my girls. Call me crazy, but I really had no choice. I probably could have called a co-worker, but no one was close by.

As I looked at my husband in the ER again...I think this was his eighth visit in recent years...I saw scratches and sores on his nose, ears, and hands from the struggle, but the unseen pain in his body and eyes far surpassed any caused by those.

He said this one was worse because he actually remembered yelling during the crazed postictal state. The EMTs had given him Valium to calm him, but all it did was make him aware of his misery. For the record, he NEVER EVER wants Valium again.

Within two hours, Ade was being discharged. This is quick from our experience, and we suspect they just wanted him out of there.

As we drove Mel back to her car at the service center, she shared more about the difficult journey she's been on to find healing for her young son's intense battle with seizures that actually caused him to even stop talking for a time. They were finding answers but it had been a long road, so she completely understood. As it turns out we were even more connected, her husband works for the same home builder that I did at that time.

We dropped her off with big hugs of thanks and have not seen her since. Without family nearby in Virginia, I would have been a wreck trying to do this on my own. She dropped her plans that day just to help us, and we were blessed by her!

We received another blessing when I picked up our SUV later. The Honda service center, where we had created quite a scene, did not even charge us for the service to the vehicle. A touching and meaningful gesture.

The fall that day was hard in every way, and we are only now feeling recovered. Yet, we are so thankful for all the kind people at the service center, the emergency crews and especially our angel Mel who helped us get back up again on that frightful day.

Stay tuned for our next post to read about the truly AMAZING MIRACLES that transpired over the following month.

We Believe in Miracles...IN HIS WORDS

Do you believe in miracles? What is a miracle? Two years ago while in Indianapolis I met a traveling evangelist who is known for his healing miracles. While I was sharing my story with him, he spoke a specific word of healing over me but he said to look for the miracle within the miracle. I knew several other people who had been healed by him so I believed that this was the end of the seizures for me, I just wasn’t sure what it meant to “look for the miracle within the miracle.”  As we know, the seizures have not stopped and the next one came a month after talking to him.

Just because I was not healed, does that mean that there was no miracle? It would be easy to say that, but the truth is that I have discovered and continue to discover many miracles in my life even with the continued existence of the seizures. It’s easy to ask, “if God is so great why does He allow these things to happen?” There are many deep theological answers to that question but perhaps one of the simplest is that He allows them to happen so that we can experience His presence and miraculous power on a daily basis.

In the previous posts I have related enough about my seizures for you to know that they are no picnic, yet I can and will share how each one has included miraculous circumstances. It’s easy to want what we want and expect God to provide it and bless it, it is another thing to try to see God’s will in the hardships that happen and accept it as such. It’s the difference between asking for the miracle you want and accepting the miracle God gives you. We want the miracles that will make our lives the easiest; God gives us the miracles that will keep us coming back to Him.  

So what miracles have happened? Well for one, I am still here to be writing this. After the most recent seizure I had a dark cloud of deep depression hanging over me, part of which included suicidal tendencies. After every seizure it is a long hard fight both physically and mentally that takes weeks just to become functional again. It takes physical therapy just so I can pick up my daughters. I just couldn’t do it again. The thought of going through all that just to have another seizure made me want to end my life, the vicious cycle that had become my life had finally, completely broken me. I could not and would not do it again.

Yet as I fought a fight I knew I would not win, the miracles began to happen. Shortly after my seizure, my wife got a great job offer out of the blue from a company in Delaware that we didn’t even know existed that has turned out to be a perfect opportunity in every way possible. When we put our house up for rent we found perfect renters in less than a day for the house. Our families made a lot of sacrifices to come down and take care of the girls until we did move and then helped us move. And I have had the opportunity to reconnect with friends and get back into playing disc golf, a lot which has gone a long way to help in the healing process. But most importantly, God once again took my broken mind and somehow, for some reason held it in His hand until it could become whole again.

If it were up to me I would have chosen a different path than what the last four years have held, yet I can only trust that God has a plan in the constant breaking and healing I have gone through. I don’t know what the future holds but I do know what the past has held and I know without question that God has walked every step of the way with me and I can only trust that He will continue to do so.

So I will ask you again, do you believe in miracles? I definitely do because I am one.

- Adrian

A-Camping We Go!

We've been talking about whether to attempt it or not, but at the last minute we decided to go for it with this weekend's beautiful forecast. Tent camping with two little girls is not for the faint of heart!

Adrian and I have always enjoyed camping and in our early years of marriage explored many new areas and hiking paths with our little tent as a resting place.

It's different with kids. Much different. In some ways they bring more joy to the experience, and in other ways they...well, drive you crazy!

We bought a bigger tent when we took Adria out with us for the first time in Indiana three years ago. She was the same age as Johanna is now, 22 months, and she wasn't walking yet. I now realize that actually made things a lot easier. Having a VERY mobile 22 month old is a completely different experience.

We arrived at Trap Pond State Park in Laurel, Del. around 6:30 p.m. on Friday; it's not far from home but we had to wait until I got off work.

As we packed up our gear at 9:30 a.m. on Sunday, Adrian and I shared the same sentiment - glad we came but glad to be going home too :)

Now for a few highlights from our weekend adventure.

Camping FUN times:

- a spacious, private campsite surrounded by trees

- crackling campfire on a warm fall evening and gooey roasted marshmallows

- Starbucks coffee cooked over an open flame and served black (Ade not me!)

- sounds of nature at night, right outside the tent

- Daddy getting in a couple rounds of disc golf at one of his favorite courses

- helping girls with fun crafts like beading a necklace and putting peanut butter and seeds on a pinecone for a bird feeder

- family hike through the woods and down by the lake, during which the little one slept in the stroller

- watching Daddy have fun with his daughters and showing them how he loved camping as a boy

- special visitors Granny and Grandad Seely coming to join us for dinner and some fun Saturday night

- taking a 45 minute wagon ride through the forest with grandparents and learning that Trap Pond is the northern most point in the U.S. where Cyrus trees grow, mostly in the water

- listening to songs and stories from Granny and Grandad Seely about many of their camping adventures with their 8 children

- wonderful weather, just a bit on the warm side for October with 80+ temps

- just being with my girls and husband away from the distractions of home and TV

- and spending less than $50 (Not counting food) to do all that! 

Camping Not-so-Fun times:

- arriving near dusk and having to set up our tent and bedding in the dark

- feeling like a mule since we opted for the more secluded walk-in sites where we had to carry our van load of supplies down a long path, thankfully we did find a wheel barrow to use for a few treks

- being awaken countless times at night by fussy girls who either needed a diaper change, bedding adjusted, a drink, or Adria needing catheterized

- not sleeping because our air mattress gradually deflated through the night; we trashed it

- filthy little girls who were constantly covered in dirt, and trying to give them a quick bath in a big tub of water
- tree roots that caused both my little girls to trip and fall a lot :(

- Johanna exploring anything and everything, often dangerous and flopping herself in the dirt when told No...made me question my parenting skills!

- the little green worms that were dangling from trees all over the place

- having to skip some of Adria's important nighttime routine because it was just too difficult to try

- and the closest bathroom being a glorified outhouse with no plumbing...

We do like camping. We are also starting a savings fund to buy a camper within the next few years in an effort to reduce the "Not-so-Fun" list!

It's all worth the effort when our 5 year old Adria says, "Mommy, I love camping with you. When are we coming back?" Hmmm, not sure.

Like Blows in a Boxing match...life one year ago

Have you ever felt like you're losing a boxing round? When blow after blow hits you and you can't even find the strength to pick up your arms in defense, let alone fight back. You just want to fall down in surrender.

That's exactly how I felt this time last year.

We had just bought our home in Chesterfield, Va. two months earlier. My job as a new home sales rep with Ryan Homes, enabled me to transfer from Indianapolis, In. to the Richmond, Va. division. We made the move with great anticipation that this is where we might settle down, since the area offered great opportunities and was within a few hours drive of our parents.

Our Virginia home when we moved in the end of July 2012

Our family with Ade's youngest sister enjoying a company event
at Busch Gardens, just days after our move to Va.

We had a great plan:

1. I would sell lots of homes in what I thought was a hotter market and try for a promotion.
2. My husband would find a job and get back into the work force since he hadn't had a seizure in over six months and his new meds seemed to be working great.
3. His younger sister Emmy would be nanny to our girls while she finished her college degree.
4. Our girls would enjoy the zoo and children's museum nearby along with a multitude of cultural venues and great schools in the area, plus get weekend visits to grandparents.

Sounds great, right?

However, my bubble burst while I was still unpacking the moving boxes. And the blows began.

Blow 1: The new home community where I was sent to sell in Richmond was located about 45 minutes from home in an area where it seemed 95% of the potential buyers could not QUALIFY to buy a home because their credit scores or income or assets or job history or all of the above were HORRIBLE. In six years of selling homes, I've never seen anything like it.  I found myself working late many nights and stuck in a model home with a guy I was supposed to train who had a bad case of adult A.D.D. Nice guy, but I thought I'd go crazy from hearing "So What's Up?" all day long! After two months of trying to adjust, I had only sold 1 home.

Blow 2: Adrian had applied for many jobs and had made it to a couple interviews. He was hopeful since the interviews went well, and he really wanted the jobs. But, he was turned down and discouragement set it. In spite of that, he enjoyed our new home more than any other place we had lived.

Blow 3: Then came the BIG wammy! Barely a month after moving, Adrian had another grand mal seizure. It happened the morning of our daughter Adria's fourth birthday while we were visiting family in Delaware. He had just come upstairs at his parents house to say goodbye before going out with a friend, when he crashed hard to the floor and began seizing. His sister Leona witnessed his seizure for the first time and helped me clear the room of sharp and dangerous objects before his wild postical state began a few minutes later. His mom came up to help us keep him from falling down the stairs as he wildly thrashed about, but he ended up breaking a window and even biting his mom on the face. Adrian broke down in tears a few hours later when he realized he had hurt his mother, but she was so quiet and gracious about it. I still hosted a party for Adria's birthday that night, but a dark cloud had rolled into our lives once again.

Blow 4: Depression set in. I had struggled with baby blues since our second daughter Johanna had been born the previous December, but after this succession of blows quickly unraveled my hopes for our new life, I became deeply depressed. Really, in a way I had never felt. I felt we had made a mistake in our move, I was miserable at work, and my head was stuck in the muck. For once, I understood how Adrian often felt, especially when seizures strip him of everything. But I was the one dragging him down this time, as I couldn't find the strength to shake the sadness that descended on me.

Blow 5: In the wake of the drama, our household became a miserable place for Emmy. I could tell she felt trapped under the weight of the negativity in the air. She had moved out to Indianapolis when Johanna was just a couple months old and had been a huge help as a live-in nanny and packing for our move. But as our plans uncoiled, so did hers. She's a beautiful, talented young woman and needed to move on. So, she moved out.

Sweet Emmy bought me these flowers to encourage me when I was down.

Blow 6: I did not think it would be hard to find childcare, as there were great options all around us. However, as I began to look, I could not find any place or anyone who would be able to both catheterize Adria and work weekends, since I had to. Plus, I could not afford $400 a week in childcare without Adrian working. He would have to watch the girls...I would have to pray every morning that they would all be safe as I drove away to work. So Hard.

Blow 7: And then came the blow that knocked me down to the point where I wanted to QUIT. To give up, give in, and walk away. The first of October I got a call from my previous manager in Indianapolis. He was disappointed to inform me that THREE of my sales from out there had fallen through for different reasons. This meant that not only would I not get paid the final money due on these sales, but also that I would have to pay back a few THOUSAND dollars from the sales advances I had originally been paid! With only 1 sale in Virginia and these 3 cancellations, I would be working just to get out of the hole...forget paying my mortgage and other bills. SOB...

We fell down under the weight of the crushing blows. But before the count was over, we got up again.

In my weakest, most broken moments I could not FEEL God's touch on me. But He heard my cries for help through the tears.

I found myself sitting with my three managers in the Richmond region on October 3 last year, asking to be put in a salaried position instead of full commission. They were so kind, even though they had not known me long, and tried to do what they could to improve my opportunity for sales.

Within a couple months, sales picked up and our finances improved. I even earned a sales trip to the Bahamas. I started taking a supplement called Sam-e that helped improve my mood. Adrian still struggled post-seizure, but he loved our home. The girls adjusted to Daddy caring for them full-time with family coming down often to visit and help.

The view at the end of the street by our Virginia home

It wasn't all daisies and roses after that, as you know if you've read Adrian's posts about the last seizure, but here we are a year later. Much has changed. We are back in Delaware. I have a new job. We are all enjoying being just 10 minutes from family support. And, Adrian told me that yesterday...October 3...he feels like his normal self for the first time since his seizure seven months ago.

If you are in a fight today, feeling beaten and battered on every side, there is hope. There is a light ahead. But don't struggle alone. Cry out for help to those around you, but most importantly, cry out to THE Help. Our God is bigger than any fight, even if you can't tell He's there.