Like Blows in a Boxing match...life one year ago

Have you ever felt like you're losing a boxing round? When blow after blow hits you and you can't even find the strength to pick up your arms in defense, let alone fight back. You just want to fall down in surrender.

That's exactly how I felt this time last year.

We had just bought our home in Chesterfield, Va. two months earlier. My job as a new home sales rep with Ryan Homes, enabled me to transfer from Indianapolis, In. to the Richmond, Va. division. We made the move with great anticipation that this is where we might settle down, since the area offered great opportunities and was within a few hours drive of our parents.

Our Virginia home when we moved in the end of July 2012

Our family with Ade's youngest sister enjoying a company event
at Busch Gardens, just days after our move to Va.

We had a great plan:

1. I would sell lots of homes in what I thought was a hotter market and try for a promotion.
2. My husband would find a job and get back into the work force since he hadn't had a seizure in over six months and his new meds seemed to be working great.
3. His younger sister Emmy would be nanny to our girls while she finished her college degree.
4. Our girls would enjoy the zoo and children's museum nearby along with a multitude of cultural venues and great schools in the area, plus get weekend visits to grandparents.

Sounds great, right?

However, my bubble burst while I was still unpacking the moving boxes. And the blows began.

Blow 1: The new home community where I was sent to sell in Richmond was located about 45 minutes from home in an area where it seemed 95% of the potential buyers could not QUALIFY to buy a home because their credit scores or income or assets or job history or all of the above were HORRIBLE. In six years of selling homes, I've never seen anything like it.  I found myself working late many nights and stuck in a model home with a guy I was supposed to train who had a bad case of adult A.D.D. Nice guy, but I thought I'd go crazy from hearing "So What's Up?" all day long! After two months of trying to adjust, I had only sold 1 home.

Blow 2: Adrian had applied for many jobs and had made it to a couple interviews. He was hopeful since the interviews went well, and he really wanted the jobs. But, he was turned down and discouragement set it. In spite of that, he enjoyed our new home more than any other place we had lived.

Blow 3: Then came the BIG wammy! Barely a month after moving, Adrian had another grand mal seizure. It happened the morning of our daughter Adria's fourth birthday while we were visiting family in Delaware. He had just come upstairs at his parents house to say goodbye before going out with a friend, when he crashed hard to the floor and began seizing. His sister Leona witnessed his seizure for the first time and helped me clear the room of sharp and dangerous objects before his wild postical state began a few minutes later. His mom came up to help us keep him from falling down the stairs as he wildly thrashed about, but he ended up breaking a window and even biting his mom on the face. Adrian broke down in tears a few hours later when he realized he had hurt his mother, but she was so quiet and gracious about it. I still hosted a party for Adria's birthday that night, but a dark cloud had rolled into our lives once again.

Blow 4: Depression set in. I had struggled with baby blues since our second daughter Johanna had been born the previous December, but after this succession of blows quickly unraveled my hopes for our new life, I became deeply depressed. Really, in a way I had never felt. I felt we had made a mistake in our move, I was miserable at work, and my head was stuck in the muck. For once, I understood how Adrian often felt, especially when seizures strip him of everything. But I was the one dragging him down this time, as I couldn't find the strength to shake the sadness that descended on me.

Blow 5: In the wake of the drama, our household became a miserable place for Emmy. I could tell she felt trapped under the weight of the negativity in the air. She had moved out to Indianapolis when Johanna was just a couple months old and had been a huge help as a live-in nanny and packing for our move. But as our plans uncoiled, so did hers. She's a beautiful, talented young woman and needed to move on. So, she moved out.

Sweet Emmy bought me these flowers to encourage me when I was down.

Blow 6: I did not think it would be hard to find childcare, as there were great options all around us. However, as I began to look, I could not find any place or anyone who would be able to both catheterize Adria and work weekends, since I had to. Plus, I could not afford $400 a week in childcare without Adrian working. He would have to watch the girls...I would have to pray every morning that they would all be safe as I drove away to work. So Hard.

Blow 7: And then came the blow that knocked me down to the point where I wanted to QUIT. To give up, give in, and walk away. The first of October I got a call from my previous manager in Indianapolis. He was disappointed to inform me that THREE of my sales from out there had fallen through for different reasons. This meant that not only would I not get paid the final money due on these sales, but also that I would have to pay back a few THOUSAND dollars from the sales advances I had originally been paid! With only 1 sale in Virginia and these 3 cancellations, I would be working just to get out of the hole...forget paying my mortgage and other bills. SOB...

We fell down under the weight of the crushing blows. But before the count was over, we got up again.

In my weakest, most broken moments I could not FEEL God's touch on me. But He heard my cries for help through the tears.

I found myself sitting with my three managers in the Richmond region on October 3 last year, asking to be put in a salaried position instead of full commission. They were so kind, even though they had not known me long, and tried to do what they could to improve my opportunity for sales.

Within a couple months, sales picked up and our finances improved. I even earned a sales trip to the Bahamas. I started taking a supplement called Sam-e that helped improve my mood. Adrian still struggled post-seizure, but he loved our home. The girls adjusted to Daddy caring for them full-time with family coming down often to visit and help.

The view at the end of the street by our Virginia home

It wasn't all daisies and roses after that, as you know if you've read Adrian's posts about the last seizure, but here we are a year later. Much has changed. We are back in Delaware. I have a new job. We are all enjoying being just 10 minutes from family support. And, Adrian told me that yesterday...October 3...he feels like his normal self for the first time since his seizure seven months ago.

If you are in a fight today, feeling beaten and battered on every side, there is hope. There is a light ahead. But don't struggle alone. Cry out for help to those around you, but most importantly, cry out to THE Help. Our God is bigger than any fight, even if you can't tell He's there.