We bought a House...again

Today, we bought a house...again.

This is the fourth time in just over eight years that I've sat in an attorney's office and signed papers to purchase a home. A little excessive? Maybe. I realize that this is more homes than many people buy in a lifetime, more even than both our parents put together have purchased.

But there's a story behind each and every home we've bought. Closing on this home was BY FAR THE EASIEST home buying experience we've had. In fact, all the conference rooms were full at the attorney's office, so we actually signed the closing documents in the staff kitchenette. That's a first!

And the best part of this home closing...we don't have to pack any boxes or drive 600 miles to move!!! (All our families collectively heave a huge sigh of relief.)

This is the charming home we've been renting for over a year that is now in our name!

The view of the back of our home in southern Delaware.
It's a 3 bedroom ranch home that was built in early 2013.

It was around this time just two years ago that we were signing a contract to sell the home we had built in Greenwood, Indiana and just days later signing the closing papers to purchase a home outside of Richmond, Virginia. That was a highly stressful, intense time of packing and moving. And it was just over four years ago, we sold the home we had built in Delaware to move to Indianapolis.

Thankfully, we will not be moving this time. You see, today we bought the home that we've been renting from my boss since we moved back to Delaware in April of last year. It really was a difficult yet miraculous set of events that brought us to our current home, which you can read more about here: Coming Home. What a Miracle Looks Like.

We had not talked much about our plans to purchase this home, but when we did, the first thing people asked was if we sold our home in Virginia. The answer is No, we still own (i.e. make mortgage payments) on that 5 bedroom home in a lovely golf course community. However, we have been blessed with some wonderful tenants and will continue as landlords for now.

As the opportunity arose to purchase our Delaware home, we prayerfully considered it and decided to take steps in that direction until the doors closed. They swung pretty wide open!

It's taken me some time to develop a greater appreciation for Delaware and to appreciate this home, as it is much smaller than the other three homes we bought. But you know what? It's got the BEST yard! We are situated on a 3/4 acre partially wooded lot with gorgeous grass and decent privacy in a community with just 25 lots.

I get the added bonus of choosing many of our neighbors, since I live in the community owned by the company where I sell new homes. This is both a positive and a negative, but overall good.

Today was a uniquely special day.

It was more than just the day I signed papers for another house to live in.

Today was the culmination of a massive project that we've been engaged in at work for the last 8 months. There are only nine of us who work for this local home builder, and together we designed and outfitted a 5,000+ square foot showcase home with an impressive Design Studio unlike anything in the area. (Of course many trade partners made this happen as well!)

The project has been exciting, exhausting, and stretching for each of us. But today, as we prepare for our GRAND OPENING next week, our team had a special time together.

It's a crazy, busy time as we are just over a week from our official Grand Opening!

The night view of my new "office" at work a.k.a. the Idea Home & Design Studio

Our company is owned by a local Christian couple, and they invited the pastors from their church to come and pray over the new home and dedicate it to the Lord. That may sound strange to you, but it turned out to be a wonderful experience.

The pastor shared several encouraging scriptures and challenged us to always remember to give God the glory for what happens in and through this new place.

He shared Psalm 122:7

Peace be within your walls,

Prosperity within your [house]. 

As he spoke and prayed over this new home at work where I will be spending about 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, I realized that it may be more than just coincidence that the time of blessing my "work home" just happens to fall on the same day I would be closing on my own new home.

My home closing was supposed to happen a couple weeks ago but got delayed, and just this week was rescheduled for this afternoon.

It seemed that the words from the pastor were meant for more than just our company and that luxurious new office. They were meant for me too, as we attempt to settle in a home...again. We are ever uncertain of what the future will hold but feel a hope growing inside.

He spoke the words of Psalm 121:5-8

The Lord is your keeper; The lord is your shade at your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul.

The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in. From this time forth, and even forevermore. 

This may not all make sense to you. I don't know that it even makes sense to me, except that until today I thought...Here we go again, just buying another house.

But something in my spirit stirred as I stood in our Design Studio today and heard those prayers and believed those words for my own. There is a greater purpose in all of this.

We haven't just been aimlessly wandering from house to house over the past 10 years (read more here: 9 moves in 10 years). Only time will tell, but I am believing and hoping for peace, blessings and prosperity in our new home and for those around us. Maybe this time we can stay put for more than two years!

Some Delaware Fun

After coming home from closing on a home that gives our time in Delaware a measure of permanency, we decided to enjoy one of the best aspects of living here. The BEACH! Just 30 minutes from home there is a great beach with small waves and the girls loved it.

I did too, until I was having to clean off their sandy bottoms at 9:00 p.m. ;)

The girls enjoying the calmer waters of Broadkill beach.

So for now my friends, we will be living the American dream in Delaware. Once again.

Saying Goodbye

Loss. Grief. Heartache.

These last few weeks, I feel surrounded by people experiencing these emotions, yet I am personally not too closely impacted by them.

Friends, acquaintences and total strangers who are forced to suddenly Say Goodbye to ones they love.

• Four dear childhood friends said goodbye to their loving father
• A former co-worker, who is my age, lost her sister in a tragic homicide 
• My aunt's fiance lost his dear aunt
• A client's father suddenly became ill and days later was gone
• Another client traveled to Germany to say goodbye to his grandmother
• A family in the community had to endure the devastating loss of their three year old daughter after drowning
• And hundreds have died this week in three different airline crashes

Yes, I know that death is part of life, but when I see so many hurting and grieving in just this month, it gives me pause. How can people expect to recover from such incredible loss?

This morning my heart goes out to them. Each one. As they struggle to get out of bed and feel the emptiness that is left behind. It is tough to know the best way to provide comfort in such tragedy.

Somehow the words, "I'm sorry for your loss" seem so trite and contrived. Yet, I believe that it's much better to say or do something to show you care, than sit silently by wondering what to do.

I have lost loved ones, three grandparents, a child in my womb, and other family. But I do not pretend to understand the depths of grief. That feeling of keen and deep sorrow when a life and a soul so intertwined with yours is suddenly absent from your presence.

My husband and his family know this feeling. It has been nearly 17 years since his oldest brother's sudden death. Time heals, but never completely. There is an ache and sadness that ever lingers.

It is the tragedy in love and relationship. The need to say goodbye.

And as I hear these stories that make my heart ache for people I never met, I want to hope that I never experience loss and grief. But so long as I am blessed to live a full, long life there will be times I must say goodbye. I will not want to, and I will never be ready to. It is the cycle of life.

My only hope is to love deeply in the time that I have with those around me. In a life that's so easily filled with stuff, it can be hard to make time for the meaningful, face-to-face conversations that create the real meat of life.

And hopefully, when the time comes to say goodbye, it is simply "Goodbye for now." I believe in heaven and eternal life and rejoicing in a place where pain is no more. This is the hope that awaits for those who trust in Jesus. This is the comfort for many I know who grieve, but not all.

My mom gave me a devotional book a few years ago when we were in the midst of great struggle. It's called Prayers for Every Need. I don't read it often, but I was looking through it yesterday and there is a section for prayers in time of sorrow. Here is a prayer that I imagine many have prayed and maybe it's a prayer that can help you in a time of deepest pain.

Just over a week ago, I attended the funeral of a 59 year old man who was the father of four dear friends that I have known since my early years. Two brothers and two sisters who took the stage at a local church and shared heartfelt stories and memories of their "larger than life" father. Even two of his young grandsons bravely stood in front of hundreds of people to express their thankfulness for pop-pop's role in their lives and teaching them to shoot a bow.

There was also talk of how much he loved music and dancing, and how he must be dancing away on the golden streets of heaven.

As I sat there and wiped away a few stray tears, I was so thankful to have my Dad sitting beside me. He is the type of man who always tries to be an encouragement to others in times of loss.

Enjoying dinner and pie with my awesome Dad a couple weeks ago.
So thankful for my parents and Adrian's parents.

It's hard for me to believe that I'm at that age where I have seen several of my friends and peers say goodbye to their parents. That just should not be. The timing is all wrong.

We are only in our 30s. Our moms and dads should still be here for us. The people who loved us first and most in this world. Their absence here leaves a void I don't really want to think about.

As my heart thinks on these things, I am reminded to focus on what really matters.

• Enjoy the precious, simple moments - like roasting marshmallows with my family in the backyard last night
• Hug and Kiss often - affection to those we love and sometimes strangers cannot be overdone
• Build relationships not wealth - work to provide a good life for our family, don't let work be our life
• Take nothing for granted - everything can change in an instant, appreciate what we have while it's still with us
• Get back up when we fall down - don't let ourselves get lost in the painful, difficult times of life; find a hope to keep going
• Say I Love You - three simple words that are so powerful when spoken from the heart

Loss. Grief. Heartache.

They are some of the worst emotions we experience in this life, but I dare to believe they are worth it because they mean we have loved and been loved deeply.

Precious, simple moments - Daddy and Adria roasting marshmallows

Just a little drama

My husband called me at work on Monday around noon, "I need your help! Adria's mouth is bleeding badly and several teeth are loose. Johanna jumped on her."

And with that my heart was pounding as I called the pediatrician then jumped in the car to run home. I hate those calls...the ones that say something bad has happened, but you don't really know how bad. 

I arrived at home to find Johanna scampering around the house while Adria lie on our bed with Daddy holding a reddened cloth in her mouth. He removed it to reveal three of her upper teeth looking slightly crooked with bloody, swollen gums...I couldn't look too closely, so I just laid beside her for a few minutes.

Adrian told me that he had just sat Adria on the bed to take off her braces when Johanna started jumping on the bed. Just as he told her to stop, Jo-Jo lunged forward and smacked her head square into big sister's jaw causing screams and a big mess! Johanna's head did not appear any worse for wear, but Adria's mouth did.

Adria's loosened and sore teeth after being hit by little sister's head.

Thankfully, it wasn't bad enough to warrant a visit to the ER. The pediatrician recommended we go see a pediatric dentist a.s.a.p. She said that there are not any in southern Delaware who specialize in pediatrics, so she gave me the name of Seaside Smiles in Salisbury, MD.

They were able to see Adria the very next morning at 8:30. In the meantime, we gave Adria some Ibuprofin for the pain and fed her only soft food.

Early Tuesday morning we packed our little family in the van and drove 45 minutes south to Seaside Smiles, which is within a mile of the Shorebirds baseball Stadium. Adria wore her new cowgirl hat from the fair and brought her friend "Chicky" to keep her company. She wanted me to announce, "There's a new Sheriff in town!" when we walked in ;) Have you seen the new Disney Jr show Sheriff Callie?

Immediately I knew this was going to be a great place. The interior was very clean and welcoming with a distinctly beachy theme and even a "sand castle" for kids to play with in the waiting area. I highly recommend Seaside Smiles for your children's oral health!

I wish I could say that Adria did fantastic, but in truth she was very nervous. She has been to the dentist once before but that was almost 2 years ago when we lived in Indianapolis.

The dental hygenist did a great job of comforting her and even pretending to help Chicky's teeth, but still Adria wouldn't open her mouth for about 10 minutes... Mommy's patience was running thin.

Finally, with the gift of a new Cinderella tooth brush and the promise of a prize that all children get when their visit is over, Adria reluctantly conceded to a teeth count and cleaning. She has 19 teeth (since she lost her first one just recently), which is perfect for her age.

They were able to gently remove the build-up from around her tooth injury on Monday.

GREAT NEWS: She did not need any special treatment or teeth pulled from the injury!
Her front right tooth is pretty loose, but they are not too worried since it's ok if she does lose it soon. They said it might turn gray though... She just needs to gargle with salt water some and be careful not to bite into tough foods like corn on the cob. Easy enough!

As promised, Adria was able to pick out a prize but she had trouble with all the choices... Smiley faced bouncy balls, play jewelry, mini animals, stickers, and tiny Ninjas.

And guess what she chose? A tiny NINJA!

Maybe we've been watching too much American Ninja Warrior recently. She really loves that show, especially when the girls kick but!

So, she left the dentist with a clean smile, a little bag of goodies, and her new Ninja friend. Since we were just minutes from the Salisbury Zoo, we decided to work that into our morning in Salisbury. We love those Pink Flamingos!

And the ever active monkeys! Johanna has a lot in common with them...haha!

Perhaps, the best part of the Zoo is the incredible playground at the end. But it was full yesterday!

In the end, the heart-pounding call I got on Monday ended with all teeth still in place and a pretty fun unplanned morning out. 

We fall down, but we get up again and try to have fun doing it!

A Not-So-Perfect 10

It's hot, hot summer. That time of year when clothes come off and moms of the world dread seeing what their bodies looks like in...a swimsuit. Sure, there are some super fit and fabulous ladies out there, but most of us are not-so-perfect. This post is dedicated to all the not perfect women out there.

And I will be honest with you about myself. I am a 10. A not-so-perfect 10. About 95% of the clothes in my closet have this same label...10. I'm not ashamed of it, and I'm not proud of it. That's just my body. And my goal is to love it - imperfections, jiggles and all.


It's been basically the same for me since high school. There have been seasons of my life when I was especially active and conscientious and dropped to an 8 or even a 6, and there was the post-baby body that needed a larger size. But for the majority of my adult life, 10 has been my number.

Some would call this chunky or fat. Others say I'm skinny. At the end of the day, this number does not matter. We are given only one body to live in, so it should be appreciated and treated well.

Though this is a different topic than I generally cover, I wanted to share my philosophy on health, beauty and body image because I think it's an area that way too many of us Moms stress over. As a working mom with a career in sales and marketing, there tends to be an image that's expected, and I have worked with many gorgeous women over the years. But I don't believe in needing the "Hollywood body" to be a success at work or home. There is a lot to be said about being beautiful, but so much of a woman's beauty is in her confidence, attitude and belief that no matter what her "number" is, she is beautiful.

There are literally thousands of guides on health and fitness out today, most of which I think require a ridiculous amount of self sacrifice and self discipline. Not ideal! I want to live fully. My goal is to be healthy AND still eat hot dogs, hamburgers and giant scoops of ice cream throughout the summer. Can I get an Amen?

For what it's worth, this is my philosophy on health, fitness and body image. The end result is a not-so-perfect, somewhat sexy, kinda softy and flabby Mommy.

Three generations - Me, my daughter and my mom recently at Winterthur museum.

(P.S. If you want to look like hot moms Heidi Klum or Kelly Ripa, stop reading and stop eating. This is not for you ;)

1. Activity is more important than Food.

"You are what you eat"...We've all heard that a million times, but I think it's only partly true. I think it's much more accurate to say, "You are what you do!" Sure, food is the fuel and it should have value, but the heart, lungs and muscles are all strengthened by ACTIVITY. So get your but off the couch! Oh wait, moms don't have much time to sit around ;)

2. Run, run, run.

Call me crazy, but I do enjoy a good run. It's not for everyone, but there is something highly motivating about putting miles under my feet and training for a race event. As a working mom, it's tough for me to get out to run more than twice a week, but that's enough to keep me 5K ready! If your heart is not pumping and you're not working up some sweat at least once or twice a week, it's time to start! But make it fun. Find something you like - biking, walking, zumba, karate, jump rope with the kids...whatever. Yes, children make it tough, even impossible but you will feel better when you do it.

Activity is so much more fun with friends! This morning two of my cousins and
two of my sister-in-laws ran the 5K Run or Dye together in Dover

3. Eat what you want...mostly

This is my greatest weakness because I love good food. Half the time, I eat as much or more than my 6' tall husband (I am not proud of this). I'm just not prepared to give up carbs or sweets and suffer through tofu salads. Life is too short to always be saying No to delicious things. That said, I try to keep it balanced and make sure to eat lots of fruits and veggies along with good protein and high fiber foods. I just need to cut down on the desserts...but they're so yummy!

4. Counting calories is just Annoying

The truth is, I did count calories. Guess what? It worked, and I lost some weight. Everything I ate was tracked on this app on my phone. But it was honestly kind of miserable. Having to constantly monitor every little thing I ate and estimate the calorie count felt obsessive. It took the enjoyment out of eating, which for me, took some joy out of every day living. This approach works for some people, but it's just annoying.

5. Sleep when possible

The universal truth for parents is that sleep can be a luxury. Especially in the early months of a baby, but there will also be many nights into the toddler years when cries in the night awaken you. But rest really is so important. Yet here I am at 4:00 a.m. unable to sleep and writing. Hmm, guess I need to work on this. Most mornings, I try to be good and get up early, but I don't hesitate to sleep in when the girls let me.

6. Drinks lots and lots of Water, and little else

It's fairly self explanatory and should not be too hard, but seriously drink water. I don't always get 64 oz. in but I try. When I get too busy at work and forget, I get serious headaches. I don't drink much soda or juice or coffee or alcohol. Mostly just water. It may sound boring, but I'd rather eat than drink ;)

7. Own a few great outfits in your size

Feeling good about yourself has so much to do with your clothes and how they fit. I know your budget may be limiting and it might be tough to find things in your size, but every woman should have a couple great feel-good outfits. Of course, if you ask my husband, he'll tell you I always complain about wanting more clothes that are stylish and cute. I'm really a horrible clothes shopper.

8. Stop comparing and judging

If you are a woman, your body is innately beautiful. Maybe that's too broad a generalization, but it's true. Your curves and edges are different. God made us to be the most beautiful part of creation! You might not feel that way, but you should believe it. And when you believe it, amazing things can happen. Stop comparing yourself to other women. I know what it's like to be in a room full of moms who are size 2 or 4 and feel like the fat chick. I also know how it feels to be the smallest mom in the room. Either way, it should not change the way I feel about myself...or them. If you are super fit mom, go you! Or if you're plus size mom with some impressive curves, own it! Can we all stop comparing and judging each other and just be the unique and beautiful women we were made to be?

9. Focus on your Health, not numbers

I rarely step on a scale. Because my health is not defined by numbers like 10 and whatever number the scale says that day. As long as my clothes still fit and I feel well, I figure I'm okay. Sure, I'd love to lose a few pounds and have thinner thighs, but mostly I just want to be healthy. Don't let the numbers define you. You are Beautiful. Believe that. It works wonders.

10. Make your man happy

And finally, this is just about the most important point I make. If you are married, your body is shared. Don't worry, I'm not going to get all X-rated here! But seriously, your husband's appreciation of your body is more important than what any other man or woman thinks. And I do believe that you man loves you for you. Especially when you love yourself...no matter what your number.

So there you have it. Advice on healthy, positive living from a not-so-perfect 10! Put on that swimsuit and ignore the pimples, dimples, and jiggles and go have some fun :)  If it were only that easy... But I hope we can.

Pulling the First Tooth

A major life event happened for our oldest daughter three weeks ago, and Mom did not document it!

I was reminded of this when we went to my aunt's pool yesterday after I got off work. Three Sundays prior we were at her pool swimming, when Adria was proudly sharing her big announcement with everyone...

"I lost a tooth!"

Happy girls swimming at Aunt Bon's pool yesterday.
I love that they can swim on their own with a vest and Puddle Jumper now!

Of course, I don't want to forget when Adria lost her first tooth. You have to admit, that's a big deal in the life phases of a child. It almost signifies the ending of the sacred (and challenging) pre-school years...sniff, sniff.

It happened on Sunday, June 22 on our way home from church. We heard a disturbed statement from the backseat, "Mom, my tooth is wiggly."

Adria marching around after church just before the tooth came out.

Her last photo with a full mouth of baby teeth! SOB...
It's okay, I know they have to grow up...

I looked back to see Adria's tiny bottom tooth being flapped out by her tongue. Gross. Yes, this stuff makes me squeamish...it's quite tragic that I am so easily nauseated.

Fortunately, we've got Daddy around. A few minutes later we were home, and he was calling his mother for advice on his first go 'round with extracting his child's tooth.

Here is the simple advice from his mother, a woman who has helped eight children remove baby teeth!

1. Use a tissue because it provides better grip for gently freeing a tooth that is ready.
2. The tissue comes in handy for soaking up any blood once the tooth is removed...you don't want the child gagging on that!
3. Mix together warm water and a heaping spoon of salt for a salt water rinse in the mouth. It helps speed the healing process of the now empty space, but don't let the child swallow it!

And that's how it was done...by Daddy.

Daddy takes the tough job of gently removing the loose tooth at home.
(so thankful I did not have to!) 

It's such a teeny, tiny little tooth.

At first, Adria was quite disturbed about her tooth coming out, but she acted very brave as Daddy very gently eased the tooth out and cared for her.

Then came Mommy's role. I acted so proud of her and excited for this "achievement" that she let go of her worries and was excited to tell everyone about it.

I asked her what happens when a child loses a tooth.

Adria thought for a minute, then it dawned on her, "Oh, we have to put it under my pillow so the Tooth Fairy can come and give me a teddy bear or something!"

This is different from the Pony or Unicorn that she had requested when we had our first conversation about the Tooth Fairy a few months ago. Though the loose tooth came earlier than I had thought, it happened as I had hoped where Daddy could do the dirty work, and Mommy could be the "Delaware Tooth Fairy"(of course Adria does not know this).

Proudly sporting her new smile that afternoon 

That afternoon we got to visit Adria's cousins who were in town from Vermont and enjoying Aunt Bon's pool. Adria proudly showed off her new smile with a gap in it.

I soon learned that her cousin Sophie, who is nine months older, has not yet lost a tooth and became rather jealous of Adria.... oh the trials of youth. Hahaha!

Enjoying Aunt Bon's hot tub that Sunday 3 weeks ago.
Adria on left with Sophie holding Johanna on the right and my cousins in between.

To be honest, we were out so late that night that we FORGOT to put the tooth under her pillow. It's okay though, we made sure to put the little tooth in a tiny toy backpack under her pillow the following night...the Tooth Fairy was totally fine with this.

In the morning, the tiny backpack "magically" held a shiny quarter instead of a tooth. And Adria was thrilled! These simple joys are so fun to experience.

I've heard that there are much more elaborate Tooth Fairies who get all dressed up, write special notes to the child, and leave a bunch of special treasures. This Delaware Fairy likes to keep it sweet and simple :)

After all, the greatest moments in life are often the sweet, simple ones that are only later recognized for their greatness. Like the day she lost her first tooth.

What doesn't kill you...IN HIS WORDS

The direction of my husband's thoughts is ever intriguing. Adrian shares his first post in a couple months. Does it make you ponder? Just be sure to read to the end.

IN HIS WORDS...

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” That is a catchy line in a song that was popular back...whenever, that seems to be still be hanging around. I don’t have a problem with the song or the artist who sang it or all the money they made from the song. What I do have a problem with is the fact that people actually think it’s true. 

If you want some real excitement in your life give an amputee or someone with recent spinal damage a Taser and then tell them that line. See if they exuberantly agree with you and share their story of how they are now a much stronger person or just shoot you. Personally, I might shoot you and I am neither of those. What doesn’t kill you can still leave you bruised, scarred, and maimed both physically and psychologically. Adria and I both have five inch scars as proof. 

Just because a person learns to pick up and move on with life and adjust to what life has become does not mean that they are stronger because they survived what they went through. Most often it means that we are now weaker than ever and need more support in every way just to get through the day, even if it doesn’t show.

The other saying I have grown to despise in the last five years although I am very guilty of ignorantly using it myself prior to then is “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”.  

If you know someone going through a tough time do yourself and them a favor and don’t say it. Give them a hug instead, there never seems to be enough of those, or give them a Snickers bar, or flowers, or just a card.  

The problem with that saying is that it is based on the premise of living life in your own strength, hence the “more than you can handle” part. Now my goal with this post is not to start a religious debate it is merely to say that my experience over the past five years has been that I have slowly been taken from living in my own strength to living in God's strength and that on a literal daily basis. Five years ago anything I wanted to do, I did. Then the seizures started and after the first one I was determined to come back the same but as they kept coming, it slowly began to sink it that things were not ever going to be the same because I wasn’t the same.  I still fought after each seizure but each time I had less and less of me left until I was completely broken and there was nothing left of me to carry on with. Yes, I was given more than more I than could handle. There was no strength left to recover and nothing of me left to recover.

So I left. I put a few clothes in a bag and went to a hotel that night with the intent of getting on a plane the next day to somewhere, anywhere. I believed that because I was a shattered empty shell having grand mal seizures that my family would be better and safer without me. My brain was fried and foggy from the meds and having seizures, but fortunately God doesn’t speak to our brains, He speaks to our hearts and our spirits. That night while sitting in the hotel room God finally showed up and filled me with the strength and reason to carry on that still carries me today. Why did He wait so long? I don’t know, maybe it’s because as long as there is still some of our individuality in the way He can’t get in. Whatever the reason, I am glad He came when He did.

Obviously I went home the next day and the girls never knew I was gone and another road to recovery began. I wish I could say that it was an easy recovery because of my new found strength but such was not the case. An accurate saying is “in God all things are possible” not easy but at least now it was possible. I wish I could say that I never had another seizure again but I did. But now I knew to not fight it and not fight to recover but instead trust in the strength I now have through Christ who strengthens me to recover.

It has been more than a year since my last seizure, but I am not “recovered”. I will never be recovered, I will never be the same. I know that I don’t have the strength to do what needs done but I do know where to find the strength to do what needs done, and I need it on a daily basis. I have lost the identity I had but my kids and wife love me as I am and that’s good enough for me.

If you find yourself in a battle stop and ask yourself why you are fighting and what you are fighting for. If you are fighting in your own strength for your own reasons you may be fighting a losing battle. I can guarantee you that God has something much better in store for you than what you are fighting to save. For everything we have lost, God has replaced it with something much better that we didn’t even know we wanted. 

Like Everybody Else...

My emotional reaction to their glances surprised me. After all, it was just a bunch of 7 and 8 year olds.

But as I walked hand in hand with my 5 year old through the school hallway yesterday, I couldn't help noticing that most of the 20+ children that passed by us looked at Adria's face then down at her feet. Each one looked at her, then looked down. It happened again and again as they proceeded single file past us. I'm sure it was completely innocent curiosity as they eyed those pink plastic things on her legs with purple hearts - her DAFO leg braces. Still, it caused a stir in this mother's heart...

An awareness of her uniqueness. A fear for how she might be treated. A hope that she continues to have the confidence and bubbly personality that quickly makes her differences disappear.

She, of course, ambled happily down the hall to her group of friends in the Woodbridge "Hooray for K" summer camp. Summer school and summer camps for kids of all ages are in session at the school where Adria will attend kindergarten this fall.

Every morning this week I have dropped her off for a half day, and she has loved it. When I told her I was taking her to school, she proclaimed, "Yeah, I finally get to go to Kindergarten!"

I tried to explain that she still has a couple months before that starts but did not quite get it. I know that she will love school, just as she loved pre-school, but being there surrounded by slightly older children who seemed to be more keenly aware of her left me with moist eyes as I left the school and headed to work. She will be totally fine, I told myself.

The morning's events did not make things easier. I received a fax at work from AI duPont Children's Hospital that I had to fill out detailing the bowel routine we currently do for Adria every day.  Bottom line, it's not working well anymore and she still has stinky diapers, so we are applying for an all-new "anal irrigation" program... Those are two words you never read about in What to Expect when You're Expecting.

Just as I completed the forms and faxed them back to her urologist, I had to make a dreaded call for work. In my line of work, serious issues can arise when dealing with several hundred thousand dollar homes, and I needed to call a client about something I knew would not be well received. And as I expected, she was quite upset and continued to contact me late into the day.

No, it was not a terrible day. I have had much worse. But it left me feeling drained.

I found some refreshment in the evening swimming with the girls and a friend at my aunt's pool. I took a few moments to hold Adria close and ask her about her day. She told me about the mini pancakes she had for breakfast and the finger painting project she was excited to show me at home.

Then she looked me in the eye and said in a matter of fact tone, "Mommy, I wish I was like everybody else. I wish I didn't have to wear braces."

I know, sweetie. I know.

Apparently, the older children in the hall weren't the only ones noticing Adria's leg braces, she herself seemed keenly aware of them. She did not cry or anything. It was just a statement.

I asked her if she understood why she had to wear them, and she said, "Yeah...so my feet don't hurt." Yes, that's part of it, but the main reason is to provide her the support she needs to not fall down. She really is so very fortunate to even be able to walk.

Today, as if perfectly ordained, a package arrived that brought a positive light to her braces. It was addressed to Adria and came from Cascade DAFOs - the company that makes her leg braces. Inside the box was an XS purple t-shirt, a coffee mug, and a super nice pair of seamless socks specifically designed for AFOs. I actually entered a Facebook contest on their page and won this a couple weeks ago! It arrived at the perfect time. Adria was super excited to try on her new gear ;)

Thank you, Cascade, for "Helping kids lead healthier, happier lives."  Thank you, for helping her be excited about her braces.

Adria tries on her new T-shirt and socks that arrived free from Cascade today! 

Adria standing proud in her Cascade DAFOs with new socks and shirt.