Saying Goodbye

Loss. Grief. Heartache.

These last few weeks, I feel surrounded by people experiencing these emotions, yet I am personally not too closely impacted by them.

Friends, acquaintences and total strangers who are forced to suddenly Say Goodbye to ones they love.

• Four dear childhood friends said goodbye to their loving father
• A former co-worker, who is my age, lost her sister in a tragic homicide 
• My aunt's fiance lost his dear aunt
• A client's father suddenly became ill and days later was gone
• Another client traveled to Germany to say goodbye to his grandmother
• A family in the community had to endure the devastating loss of their three year old daughter after drowning
• And hundreds have died this week in three different airline crashes

Yes, I know that death is part of life, but when I see so many hurting and grieving in just this month, it gives me pause. How can people expect to recover from such incredible loss?

This morning my heart goes out to them. Each one. As they struggle to get out of bed and feel the emptiness that is left behind. It is tough to know the best way to provide comfort in such tragedy.

Somehow the words, "I'm sorry for your loss" seem so trite and contrived. Yet, I believe that it's much better to say or do something to show you care, than sit silently by wondering what to do.

I have lost loved ones, three grandparents, a child in my womb, and other family. But I do not pretend to understand the depths of grief. That feeling of keen and deep sorrow when a life and a soul so intertwined with yours is suddenly absent from your presence.

My husband and his family know this feeling. It has been nearly 17 years since his oldest brother's sudden death. Time heals, but never completely. There is an ache and sadness that ever lingers.

It is the tragedy in love and relationship. The need to say goodbye.

And as I hear these stories that make my heart ache for people I never met, I want to hope that I never experience loss and grief. But so long as I am blessed to live a full, long life there will be times I must say goodbye. I will not want to, and I will never be ready to. It is the cycle of life.

My only hope is to love deeply in the time that I have with those around me. In a life that's so easily filled with stuff, it can be hard to make time for the meaningful, face-to-face conversations that create the real meat of life.

And hopefully, when the time comes to say goodbye, it is simply "Goodbye for now." I believe in heaven and eternal life and rejoicing in a place where pain is no more. This is the hope that awaits for those who trust in Jesus. This is the comfort for many I know who grieve, but not all.

My mom gave me a devotional book a few years ago when we were in the midst of great struggle. It's called Prayers for Every Need. I don't read it often, but I was looking through it yesterday and there is a section for prayers in time of sorrow. Here is a prayer that I imagine many have prayed and maybe it's a prayer that can help you in a time of deepest pain.

Just over a week ago, I attended the funeral of a 59 year old man who was the father of four dear friends that I have known since my early years. Two brothers and two sisters who took the stage at a local church and shared heartfelt stories and memories of their "larger than life" father. Even two of his young grandsons bravely stood in front of hundreds of people to express their thankfulness for pop-pop's role in their lives and teaching them to shoot a bow.

There was also talk of how much he loved music and dancing, and how he must be dancing away on the golden streets of heaven.

As I sat there and wiped away a few stray tears, I was so thankful to have my Dad sitting beside me. He is the type of man who always tries to be an encouragement to others in times of loss.

Enjoying dinner and pie with my awesome Dad a couple weeks ago.
So thankful for my parents and Adrian's parents.

It's hard for me to believe that I'm at that age where I have seen several of my friends and peers say goodbye to their parents. That just should not be. The timing is all wrong.

We are only in our 30s. Our moms and dads should still be here for us. The people who loved us first and most in this world. Their absence here leaves a void I don't really want to think about.

As my heart thinks on these things, I am reminded to focus on what really matters.

• Enjoy the precious, simple moments - like roasting marshmallows with my family in the backyard last night
• Hug and Kiss often - affection to those we love and sometimes strangers cannot be overdone
• Build relationships not wealth - work to provide a good life for our family, don't let work be our life
• Take nothing for granted - everything can change in an instant, appreciate what we have while it's still with us
• Get back up when we fall down - don't let ourselves get lost in the painful, difficult times of life; find a hope to keep going
• Say I Love You - three simple words that are so powerful when spoken from the heart

Loss. Grief. Heartache.

They are some of the worst emotions we experience in this life, but I dare to believe they are worth it because they mean we have loved and been loved deeply.

Precious, simple moments - Daddy and Adria roasting marshmallows