Adrian's Christmas Wish...IN HIS WORDS

This week has been a rough one for Adrian. There's no quick, easy explanation why but there are just times that it's more difficult to cope with what his life has become. He had a look in his eye the other day that made my insides churn. It's an almost haunted look that I have seen many times over the last four years but not so much recently. We fear the worst will happen when he is feeling this way but then remember the seizures have often come when he's feeling totally fine, this doesn't have to mean anything.

It just makes Adrian's Christmas wish much different than most. As he shares here...IN HIS WORDS:

So it’s that time of year again that’s filled with the hustle and bustle of travel and family, of food and friends, of shopping, 50% off, and free shipping. The time of year for the giving and receiving of gifts, whether it be a warm hug and genuine smile or a new car, each of us are secretly and vocally wishing for that one or many things that we think will make our life happier. It’s that special time of year for hope and joy and of peace on earth good will to men. It is also the time of year to think; to think of the miracle that this season represents and to think of others more than usual as we find ourselves sending and receiving Christmas cards from friends and family we don’t often talk to.

This season I find myself thinking of the thousands of others who also struggle with epilepsy, some of whom are my friends. And my heart breaks for all those who live under this constant cloud of “what if”. I have to be honest and say that as I think about the miracles that this season represents, the miracle of Jesus’ birth and the angels appearing to the shepherds, that I am struggling with anger and hopelessness instead of being filled with the hope and joy of Christmas. Because for myself and the majority of those like me there is no hope of a visible miracle since there is nothing visibly wrong with us.

We are not blind so there is no sight to be restored and we have no cancer cells to go into recession. There is nothing that can be found to show that a visible healing has happened because there is nothing visibly wrong with us to heal. My doctors have, for some reason, been very clear with me that many seizure victims can go 10, 20, even 40 years seizure-free and then have them start again. For each person that suffers from seizures, each person’s situation and severity of attacks are different than the other persons, but with the rare extreme cases like me, living with seizures is living with a death sentence that can be carried out at any moment. The one thing that we all have in common is that we now have to carry this burden the rest of our lives with no assurance that it will ever be removed.

So this Christmas I find myself thinking of all those who have to live with that and wishing there was more I could do for them. If you know someone with seizures or any other physical struggles take time this Christmas season to reach out to them and let them know you care. Let them know that they matter to you, that they are important. A picture is sometimes worth a thousand words but in this case a Christmas card isn’t enough. Take time to make a phone call, take them to breakfast, or just give them a hug, or two, or three.  Knowing people care is the best medicine there is.

Prior to four years ago when it came to this time of year, the gifts I wanted were things like a new TV, a sound system, or head phones, now I just don’t want to go to the hospital. I want a Christmas not marked by a seizure, a ride in an ambulance, and all the memories that go with it. I want a Christmas spent with family watching my children play and my wife laugh not cry. I know that this wish can’t be found anywhere for 50% off and it won’t come with free shipping but I do know that it will definitely make my life happier. So here’s to hoping that this Christmas wish will come true.